A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend chased after me for four months. I was never really sure whether I truely liked him or not and was still trying to figure things out so when he asked me out during those months. I said no, three times. I wanted to be fair to him and make sure I was ready to put 100% into the relationship and make sure I really had feelings for him. So, after 4 months of desperately trying to date me, I really started to fall for him and we officially started dating. During the relationship I realized I made the right choice and really became super attatched to him and really liked him. exactly one month after officially being together, he decided he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend saying he needed time to figure things out and be single and broke up with me. What do you think is going through his head? was he just using me to get over her? but then, if he was, why did he spend 4 months chasing after me he could've easily found another girl sooner. I want him back and will see him in a week because we're neighbors in our apartment building when we come back from winter break. How should i act when i see him? I'm very angry with him for not figuring this out sooner and doing this to me. your advice?
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 He must have liked you to have pursued you for months. You say during that time you were cool and turned him down a few times. Interesting. Men like a challenge.
Then you decided you liked him and while you dated him, you became `super attached`. What does that mean?
Do you think your sudden change from super cool, which he found attractive....to super attached, may have freaked him out slightly. When you see him again try being more like you were when he first met you. Friendly but cool x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): I think I see what you are saying here. Even though you actually only were a dating couple for a month, you felt during those 4 months he was chasing you that he was telling you that he wanted to be with you and he was building trust and friendship which led to your romantic feelings and then after getting what he wanted in 4 short weeks he dumped you for his ex. So you are thinking he had 4 months to tell me he would rather be with her or to go after her, so why lead me down the garden path?
You have a right to your feelings and I understand why you are angry and hurt. It just doesn't seem fair. See what probably happened is he didn't intend to use you to get over her, but actually was trying to move on from his ex by dating you...the ex found out about it and since they have a longer closer relationship, she got him back.
I wouldn't take this as a rejection of you personally, you really weren't that close or dated long enough to really know each other....I don't think I would date him again and just act as if you are fine with his decision. You don't owe him friendship but you can be civil when you see him but I wouldn't really give him the time of day...let him know from your indifference and disinterest that he has blown it with you and then believe that yourself and get on with things.
...............................
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (11 January 2010):
Sometimes the chase is funner than the catch. Maybe he had fun pursuing you but when he actually got you it he realized he just liked the chase.
Some people just aren't meant to be together. Why? Who knows... not me. I agree with the other two Aunts - be nice, like nothing bad ever happened. You'll find someone that DOES want to be with you - and for longer than a month.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 January 2010):
I know when someone does a total 180 from what you thought they were it's confusing and you want to know the reason why, but you probably never will; and one day, you won't even care anymore. Most women would be pissed off, I know I would. But whatever, he can kick rocks.
I agree that when you see him, be friendly and cordial--like nothing bad happened. You don't want to come off bitter and hearbroken over it. You two weren't together long enough anyway to really feel that way, so just act like you don't give a care when you see him because you shouldn't anyway! He's a jerk.
...............................
|
