A
female
age
36-40,
*izbeckyz0818
writes:I'm confused about a fellow co-worker's intentions and therefore, need advice on this. (This is a long, detailed question so bear with me. Thank you.)I've been working as an accountant in an office and have become good friends with a fellow male coworker. We have a lot in common. We share the same interests and upbringing. We joke around a lot, and annoy the hell out of each other (flirtatious in my opinion). My coworkers say that we act like a married couple (it doesn't help that he and I are both single and not in a relationship). He calls me by a nickname that he gave me and he constantly teases me. I've caught him staring at me when passing by his cubicle and comes over to my cubicle for gum and to pass the time. He high fives me (only me) all of the time and says hi to me every time that he sees me. He also does everything I ask him to and always sits across from me at office meetings and stares at me and makes funny faces to make me laugh. I have already met his friends and family. He also gets annoyed when other men flirt with me (I've had a guy ask him if he was my boyfriend before hitting on me and asking for my number; he told the guy that he wasn't but only after hesitating. A fellow district manager from our company that was sitting next to him at a company dinner we attended kept hitting on me and bought me wine; he was really upset afterward and wanted to know why I didn't say anything to stop him from hitting on me).In the beginning, I didn't really talk to him much except to comment that I liked the music that he was playing. His best friend happens to be a fellow coworker of mine that works for my department and who I have also become good friends with; it was through him that we started talking to each other. Then, out of the blue, he asked me if I would accompany him for lunch and it slowly became a daily thing. I would go with him in his car to pick up lunch and come back to the office to eat it together in the lunch room. Then, we moved to a new office and our controller did not like that we spent a lot of time together so made us take separate lunch times. To get around this, we ended up spending our morning break times together and walking to the corner to get lunch when our lunch times overlap. He asked me for my number and called me a couple of times, only to talk about random things for half an hour and to text message me over the weekend or when I'm sick and not at work. It was after the move that he surprisingly asked me to go see a movie that we both wanted to see together. We did this twice, going to dinner and a movie after work. Each time we would go, we would talk about things other than work and about our future plans and ambitions. He would always walk me to my car and hug me before I would leave. We've already made plans to see a comedy show and he has also accepted my invitation to accompany me to my mother's wedding.Recently, things have cooled a bit. Although we still talk and share break times together, it hasn't felt the same. We had planned to go to a concert and even went to the box office to investigate if there were any seats available. There were and decided to wait on it. In the end, we never bought the tickets, even though he knew that I wanted to go. When I suggest that we try to see a new movie that I know that he would like, he says that his schedule is busy and never bothers to suggest another day. Our mutual coworker and friend has several female friends and I am aware that the guy that I am interested in is attracted to one of them. Our fellow coworker has been trying to set him up with this girl and when she calls him, he passes his cellphone to him so that he can talk to her in my presence. (It doesn't help that I am aware that our mutual coworker is attracted to me and has made moves on me before, even suggesting that we become texting buddies like his other female friends are with him; all his female friends are ex-girlfriends of his.) I recently found through another mutual coworker of ours that he kissed a girl at a party hosted at our mutual coworker's house (I was invited but didn't go). My coworker was telling me that she believed that he had a new girlfriend though he hasn't said anything to me.Our coworker had already asked the both of us if we would ever date someone from work and we both answered that we would as long as the person we would date wouldn't make it awkward for us. The possibility is there, but I'm unsure if I'm just reading too much into what he does. I may have made the mistake into making believe that I wasn't interested because he knows that I go out on dates and that there are several men trying to date me, even though he knows that I am not interested in them.I know that this question is long-winded but I need to include as much detail as possible.So the question is this: is he interested in me (or was interested) or was he always just being a good friend and fellow coworker? His behavior to me says otherwise, but at the same time, he hasn't made a move and I am unsure if it is because he is afraid of rejection and/or awkwardness on both our parts, or because he is not interested in me at all. All constructive advice is most welcome and appreciated.
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ambition, at work, best friend, co-worker, ex girlfriend, flirt, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 I think he was interested but hesitated before making his move because, like you say, you weren't too encouraging and he knew you were going out on dates and had other suitors. Alas, timing is everything :) for whatever reason, the courting process took too long and the guy either lost stamina, or more probably, met some other girl, like your mutual friend says. ( That he would not tell you he has a new girlfriend is quite normal. He must have figured out that no woman who is used to get a lot of attention by a male is happy to lose that attention because of another woman )
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): He probably thought you were a cool lady to hang out with! He tested the waters for more, but maybe didn't feel like there could be more to it? In any case, he seems like nice guy material, maybe he just got a little nervous and is pulling back. Stay calm and cool, go about your life as normal, flirt and have fun withother guys! Perhaps he will give it another shot! Good luck!!
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