A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question that I feel is slightly odd tbh.I seem to have a bit of a fear of commitment, in the respect that when I'm in a relationship, I obviously won't have the freedom of a single man...It's not like I have a huge amount of female interest at the moment, but I have the freedom to speak to any girl I want, however a lot of the time do feel like I'd want to be in a relationship, but am fearful of losing the freedom that I have at the moment...Has anybody ever felt this way? or have some advice?Thankyou Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your inputs guys, made me see this from a different viewpoint.
Much appreciated
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 I realize I'm a bit late (been out of internet), but I want to add that even while in a relationship I still flirt. Innocently. Joking with the person behind the desk, or the random person you see somewhere. Or a slap on a friends bum etc. I'm not rigid about things like that. I sit on a guys lap, or hug my male friends, or lean in close to them. I had one boyfriend in the past give me the nasty look when he saw a picture of me "too close" to an old friend of mine. Blah, that's prison for you. I think the clue is to find someone who's as free-thinking as you are, but to draw the line somewhere where you are BOTH comfortable with it. You decide for yourself, for each relationship, what is and what isn't crossing the line.
I kiss my female friends on the lips occasionally. I don't think that's crossing the line. But each to their own. I know that the line varies from person to person. With some people I can flirt and it'll still be innocent. With others I can barely crack a smile without them thinking there's more to it.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (27 June 2012):
Issue as old as time.
I want to buy a new car, but I really want my savings as well.
I want to be thin, but Id love some more ice cream.
Few things in life are just upside. With any choice, you have an opportunity cost, its up to you to decide if the choice made is worth more than the choice sacrificed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I see your point, I just felt a little weird about this when I was thinking about it the other day. And I have plenty of friends who go clubbing without their GF, when it's like a boys only night, but they don't go out to hook up, just have a drink and a laugh.
Thanks for the help
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
 oh and quite honestly why would a taken man go to a club without his woman anyway?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
I'm getting married in October. I flirt all the time. I just don't flirt to pick people up for sex or dating...
my fiance knows I flirt and he likens it to breathing for me, that's how natural it is for me. I don't even think about it... I don't plan it or try to do it...
if you are a natural flirt, even as a taken man (and please be taken by a woman who is secure with herself and your love) then you will change how you flirt but you will still flirt... I know I do... without even meaning to.
Life is not less fun as a partnered person.... it's just different.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I missed out some pretty important info tbh.
I'm 20 years old and I've never had a 'serious' relationship.
I think I phrased this question a little badly aswell, I don't mean it as though I'm going to be trapped and not be able to do things that I want. I mean it like, if I'm on a night out at a club and there's some interest from a girl, I can't do anything and I can't flirt with anybody, because it's wrong in a relationship obviously.
Tbh, I do get interest if I'm at a club or something, like getting a girls number or kissing and stuff, just I'm not some kind of guy who has women falling at his feet, I just do average I guess.
I do think I want a relationship, but I'll just miss the freedom in respect to flirting with other people and stuff, but I see your guys point that if I meet the right girl then I wont want to do that kind of stuff anyway.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 June 2012):
“I have the freedom to speak to any girl I want”
What makes you think that once you are in a relationship the freedom to speak to someone based on their sex becomes limited? My fiancé cannot DATE anyone else.. he cannot be intimate with anyone else but he can SPEAK to anyone he wants. IF he sees an old female friend and he wants to hug her he can. If he wants to have dinner with an old friend male or female.. he can…
Are you afraid to lose the ability to DATE or the ability to have friends of the opposite sex?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 June 2012):
 If you feel this way, you aren't ready to date, or you haven't met yet anybody that you really like.
Dating ( or even marriage ) it's not a prison, you don't really loose any freedom, at least any freedom you'd care keeping. At times you have to make an effort of scheduling, or organizing your priorities, to make everything fit in ( gf and friends and family and work etc.etc. ) but that's not even a sacrifice, if you are with the right person it is something you'd want to do on your own, because you cherish and enjoy the time you spend with her.
As for hooking up with other girls,... if you still have all that curiosity it means you are not really into the girl you are with. If you are really in love, you would not even think of other girls, they would not even compare- or , anyway , you could notice them, and have a fleeting curiosity, a fleeting I wonder how it would be with that girl.... but nothing more, you'd feel that you are not curious enough to actually WISH that something would happen.
It 's not a sacrifice to give up something... that you don't care about to begin with.
I have noticed that yes, some couples tend to burden ther relationship with lots of rigidity and painstakingly negotiated rules and regulations, you 've got to text me at least 5 times a day and
tell me " I love you " at least once a day and spend with me at least 4 nights a week etc.etc,- that's from insecurity and immaturity. Secure and mature people can ADD to each other lives , rather than just subtract ( time, independence, energy etc. )
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 June 2012):
Have you ever been in a relationship, or are you just letting your imagination running wild with you? Being in a good relationship is something that usually makes people happy. When you like your girlfriend, and she is good to you, you wont have a need or desire to hook up with other girls.
And, being in a relationship doesn't ever mean you can't talk to whomever you want. It just means you don't get to sleep around, or kiss, or flirt with others. But it doesn't sound like you're doing much of that anyways. So I'm not sure what it is you think you'll lose if you are in a relationship.
Maybe you should think about what you will gain from a relationship and put it up against what you truly "lose"?
A relationship with the wrong person can be restricting, if they are controlling and not good to you. In those cases leaving them is for the best. But don't think that EVERYONE is controlling and needy and mean even if you've been in a relationship with one person who was.
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