A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone im 18yrs old and i been dating my boyfriend for 3yrs. Its been an off and on relationship for years. At first he was everything i always wanted gave me all his love and affection. We use to have a billion and one things to talk about but now he never has nothing to say to me and he makes me feel like i talk too much because i always try to start converstions with him and keep them going. He controls who i talk to, i can never talk to guys not even if they're my friends. Point blank its all about him. He calls me Mean nasty names. My bestfriend hangs with guys so he judges me for her actions so he calls me more mean nasty names. I lost my old bestfriend because of him that broke my heart but he didnt care all he said was "You only need me f*** friends." We always go back and forth everyday and my anger has gone sososososo bad that im seeking help .. I punch things because he never listens to what i have to say he never believes me and im fed up with it. He talks to girls and hangs with them behind my back. His f.b makes him look single, he will not add me on f.b. He calls girls cutie and things like that. Im so hurt i dont want to live like this and i dont want to go through this no more there was a point when i didnt care about life no more but now im trying to stay positive. Every time i leave him he runs back to me or i run right back to him. I really want to be done but its so hard. I lost most of my friends and my bestfriend is barely even in the picture anymore. So its hard to let go without support. please help :*( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 March 2013):
 You are young. The relationship is on and off for years (not a good sign)
HE controls who you talk to… BAD SIGN
He makes you feel like you talk to much…. Not good
He calls you mean and nasty names…. REALLY… and this is love? BAD SIGN NOT GOOD
First thing to do is stop rowing this relationship boat. Do not call him. Do not beg him to see you. Do not ask him to see you… be busy… I don’t care if you are washing your hair and shaving your legs… YOU ARE BUSY.
“you only need me” is something my idiot insecure husband says… I go out with my gfs for dinners and lunch and girls weekend and he has to cope… insecure scared men try to control you and keep you from your friends. MEN who are secure and mature and trust you (as they should) ENCOURAGE your growth as a person and your friendships with others.
He is “single on facebook” and won’t add you? That means he’s hiding stuff from you and has a double standard. NOT GOOD
Listen to me, You are YOUNG and you will make your way without him much better than with him. So here is what you do. Let’s do this in stages. Do steps 1 and 2 now. Once you realize you will find your friends and your way again you can be stronger and know that you are not alone.
1. Unfriend him and if you can bear it block him on facebook (DO IT do not care how much he screams and whines and yells it’s not his say) Just say “I am not discussing it with you, I’m not on your facebook so you get the same treatment and you are not on mine” DO NOT LET HIM BULLY YOU into adding him back. BE STRONG. HE is not doing this out of love but fear and insecurity. You do not need a fearful insecure man. Do you realize that most dogs bite because they are afraid????
2. Call your friends that you owe apologies too for being gone for so long… give them time to consider your reasons (my controlling asshole of a soon to be ex-boyfriend) ask to friend them on facebook again… build your support network back up.
Then stop. Rest emotionally it’s enough. After a week or two of being back in the swing of things (and he doesn’t know he’s not your friend on FB any more) and realizing you can reclaim your life and your friends… you then let him know it’s time to move on. NO regrets, no begging no whining… NO contact. DELETE his number, block it if you can, same for email. GO out with your friends. Make plans with them. Even if you have tentative plans you are BUSY… make it so!
It is hard to break up with a long term boyfriend when you are young and have minimal self esteem…. IT will come with time… and to be honest if you can make a clean break now and go NO contact NOW do it. The sooner you are NO CONTACT with him the better.
A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive  +, writes (29 March 2013):
Get rid of him right this second.!!! I've been in a somewhat similar situation (all the double standards - I 'wasnt allowed' to have male friends yet he could talk to whoever he wanted - turned out he was cheating on me). It's not going to get better, there's no reason to stay with him whatsoever, he's just going to drag you down even further.Get out while you still can - even if you think you have no support system I'm sure you have at least one person and that's enough - you're better off being alone than stuck with someone like that.Block his number on your phone/ any other means of contact you have asap, and try to avoid places where you might run into him.I know first-hand that all this is far easier said than done when you're so attached/ used to this person, but trust me you will feel SO MUCH BETTER without someone controlling/ manipulative/ emotionally abusive. Good luck!
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