A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend were together for just over a year. He was my first love, I lost my virginity to him etc. He meant everything to me and was my best friend for a long time. 6 weeks ago he started talking to this girl who was interested in a friend of ours. Everything was still ok, and he was just trying to find out if she liked our friend.Then they became a lot closer, she became uninterested in our friend and became a lot more interested in my boyfriend. She told him all about her personal issues and even showed him her self harm scars, which to me was disturbing as she'd only known him a week. I then decided to do some digging to find out more about her, and as it turns out, everybody who knows her doesn't like her. They all think she's a liar and is absolutely crazy. She's even broken up a couple before for her own entertainment. She has a list of mental illnesses that she has and it keeps expanding, although I'm pretty sure she's never been diagnosed by a professional. I told my boyfriend all about this new information I had but he already believed her story and said that it doesn't matter and that they're just friends. We then got into a huge argument about her and how he was putting her above me (e.g. whenever we were together he'd ignore me and just text her etc.). He then expressed his worry that if he stopped talking to her, she'd hurt herself and it would be all his fault. I managed to convince him that it wouldn't be, and he promised to not talk to her when he was with me. The next week was difficult, I was still annoyed about the situation and I was getting more and more worrying information about this girl. Then at the weekend, I didn't see him as I was away on the Friday night and the Saturday day, but I saw him in the evening of the Saturday. He was still messaging her when he was with me and I blew up at him. We talked it out again and I thought everything would be ok. Then later that evening he told me he couldn't keep making me upset over this and he felt too bad about the situation and that we weren't working anymore. I begged for him to let me fix it but it was too late. This was 3 weeks ago. I was obviously distraught, and was convinced that it was just a break, not a break up. He said that he wasn't sure if he still loved me but he did still care about me and didn't want me to be upset. We still talked a lot and promised to stay best friends, which was hard but we managed for a bit. I also tried to talk to the girl, saying that I didn't think it was her fault at all and not to blame herself(even though I do blame her a bit). Everything was getting a little better, I was still a little hopeful but it had only been a week. I then started to realise how much he was still messaging her and how he was treating her. He was talking to her the same amount he spoke to me when we first got together. I then realised that he had feelings for this girl. I confronted him about it and he said he didn't and there would never be anything between them. He also then started saying that he didn't break up with me because of her, but that he had been unhappy for the past month or so with me. I believed him and carried on with trying to move on. then the next Friday (a week ago), I found out that he'd started seeing her. We then all went to a party together the next Tuesday and he was all over her as if they'd been together forever. It hurt a hell of a lot, and I didn't know what to do with myself. Luckily, all of our friends were supportive of me and made me feel better and said that they think that it was a horrible thing for him to do, especially seeing as he lied to all of us about it. Now, a week later, they are officially together. Personally, I think its very fast and I am extremely worried about what she's going to do to him. He doesn't believe that there are people out there who lie about serious issues to get attention. He thinks she's just a nice girl, even though she slips up all the time and doesn't actually show any traits of the illnesses she says she has. He doesn't learn from his experiences, so just leaving him to realise it won't help. He's also become very rude and dismissive of other people since he's been seeing her and I can't help but think she's changing him. He's a sweet, kind, clever, funny guy and he's turned irritable, rude, and pretty cruel. I really don't know what to do because I care about him so much. I also want to know if she broke us up on purpose like she's done before.She has also supposedly started horrible rumours about herself to get attention. When I told him about these, he says that obviously someone else started them. She also told all her friends that they had sex last weekend (they didn't) and he says that they obviously just assumed, even though her friends say that she told them that. I just don't understand what she wants with him or how to get rid of her. She's taken away the best person in my life, and I hate her for it. I really would like an opinion on the situation and what to do. Please help!p.s. I know this is long, but I think all the details are needed!
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a break, best friend, his ex, liar, lost my virginity, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): Hi guys, It's the person who posted the question :) Thank you so much for your answers they were really helpful.Me and my ex are no longer on speaking terms, he has changed too much for me.He's now with her all the time and every time we see him he has a new set of lovebites/bruises on his neck and his back is all scratched up from her.It's pretty gross but we just laugh at him.Hopefully one day he'll stop being with her and maybe go back to his original, kind self. I doubt it will happen soon, so for now I'm just enjoying being by myself and the judgement that everyone else is giving him.Thanks again for the help!
A
female
reader, MyDaysOnceRevolvedAroundYou +, writes (29 March 2013):
 I know you loved this guy and probably still do, you lost your virginity to him so you will always have that one special thing for him, even when your married with kids someday. But I'd personally leave well alone, let him learn from his mistakes - if he wants to go out with someone who is no less than a psychopath by the sounds of it, thats his choice. You aren't his girlfriend or his support anymore, he lost that when he lied to you, broke up with you in a pretty horrible way and pretended to care and be your friend to make himself feel better about the situation. I personally think you should stay well away, as hard as I know that is.. But he really isn't the person you loved and knew anymore.. Its like caring for a stranger, you wouldn't would you? Seriously, the only person who will look crazy and jealous is you if you start to interfere, please leave well alone? I bet he'll even beg you back if he thinks you aren't even bothered, but he isn't worth it babe.
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