A
female
age
51-59,
*lskitten
writes:HiWould be interested in others opinions on this..I recently met up with my ex husband, we split 16 yrs ago. We have been having some fun for a few weeks now, and slept together twice. Our kids get on well together. He only split from their mum a couple of months ago, but she is an old mate of mine and we get on fine.Im also mates with an ex i split from about 4 months ago. Had been with him a year. My daughter adored his daughter so we still do things with the kids and he brings his daughter here twice a week. He says he would get back with me tomorrow, but i have made it clear thats not what i want and he is fine with that. Says he would rather be mates than nothing. Hes my brothers boss and they also socialise together and i get to see loads of my little bro at the mo which i love. My ex and my bro also know my ex husband, they were all friends a few years ago, yes its a small world! We are all going out this weekend with a couple of my friends. He knows me and my ex husband are FB's at the moment. He finds it hard but says as long as im happy he can deal with it. He had a casual thing with someone recently so knows he cant comment! He told my ex husband recently he would have me back tomorrow and my ex husband says that bothers him a bit but as we are only seeing each other, he knows hes gotta accept it.Basically what im asking is, where can all this end up? I dont feel like i want my ex husband back at the moment, he hopes we end up properly back together, but i have made it clear thats not gonna happen in the near future. I like being single. And hes ok with the way things are. The go slow approach. We agreed if nothing comes of it we will always stay mates and not lose touch again.But i guess im worried about all these children involved. Do you think this could end up messy? I dont want the kids to lose each other.How can i make sure everyone stays happy basically? Im upfront and honest with everyone. I dont want to lose any of the 2 exes as friends. Or am i asking too much with this situation and taking the micky!?C xxxx
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Hi - good to hear everything is going well. Sounds like you're handling it all very well to me. Not everyone is going to be "happy" all of the time, so don't set a criteria that is impossible. If you like your independence that's fine - although bear in mind that other people (adults) may have different expectations. I also think it will help you if you separate in your mind the friendly arrangements for the kids - and your romantic feelings. Don't let the two aspects influence each other - I sensed some overlapping in this area before in a previous post. (Is this where you feel it is "messy" ??) Keep the two areas separate would be my suggestion, separate in your mind, and maybe suggest others do the same. Glad it seems to be going well for you though - take care.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (11 October 2007):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks flower girl and eyeswideopen.
I think i will have a chat with my 2 and see if they are confused. They did ask who my ex husband was when we first got back in touch and i explained we are mates, hanging out having fun. They know the recent ex is a mate and wanted us to stay that way so they could still see his daughter. For the first month of splitting we didnt have anything to do with him and i told them we needed some time out before we could do the friends bit, but they were glad when we sorted that out. My 2 are 12 and 10 and his daughter is 10. My ex husbands kids are 14 and 10, girls.
I dont want to upset any of my exes, always managed to stay mates with guys because ive never split with someone for awful reasons. I guess it does all seem a bit bizarre from someone elses point of view.
My ex husband says maybe its all a bit too much too soon, expecting us all to be one big happy family :o(
Thanks for the advice girls.
Anymore would be great.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Hi hlskitten,
Now you always give fantastic advice, so i am wondering if you have read this back to yourself and tried thinking about what you would have written in responce if it was someone else?
Personally i think with the amount of children that are involved it could get messy, because as much as we try and keep things from the kids they pick up on alot.
Maybe you should take some time out from both of them because it actually sounds like you are trying to please them both, think about you babe and what you really want.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Sounds pretty messy to me already. I'd take a step back from all of this and do some hard thinking if I were you. Your world is rolling along but it just seems too convoluted. Must be very confusing to the children involved.
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