A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Someone give me some good advice, PLEASE!I`m 31 and a mother of three and also three months pregnant and live with my partner, he is a great dad and great partner but the thing is three years ago i thought and accused my partner of having an affair, we wasnt living together then, he had hes own flat and i used to stay over at weekends, he got a missed call at 3oclock in the morning,he didnt answer because he was sleeping, it woke me up so i looked at hes phone just to see who could have been ringing at this time of morning, i didnt really think much more about it until 3 weeks later on christmas day he got a txt message from someone called jasmine, wishing him a merry christmas and how drunk she already was when it was only 12oclock and hoping that santa had brought him a smile and put see you soon, love jasmine x. I notices that this was the same number who had rang 3o clock in the morning three weeks earlier, i confronted my partner about this and he said she was just a friend from uni who helped him on the vocals on the song he wrote. well for some reason i just felt and still feel that there was more to this or hes not quite telling me the whole truth because evertime i ask about her or mention about the phone call and txt he clams up, the past three years ive been trying to forget about it and tried to trust what he had told me, i dont know if its because im pregnant and my hornmones are all over the place but i keep thinking about it now and stressing out about it, wondering if he did have an affair, so ive asked him to do a lie detector test and he agreed to it, so that will be done in about a month or so, but whist we waiting for this test to be done, im wondering what to do in the meantime because this is really getting to me, i wont let him anywhere near me , i just feel theres something hes not telling me. sorry for the long post but im going crazy. x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): You may be thinking that my previous 'advice' was useless, but what happens when the lie detector test comes back that he's telling the truth?
I think what will happen is that you'll think the test was flawed somehow, and still not believe him! I'd love to be proved wrong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): I can undeerstand you feeling like this, i would be frantic with worry. Yes, your hormones will make the situation worse and i certainly feel for you. You must be patient and wait for the results of the test, but what then, if they come back positive what are you going to do. Kick him out or forgive him. If they are negative then you will have to put it behind you and provide a happy and harmonious home for you, him and your kids. Best of luck with the new arrival and i do hope all goes well for you, but i feel for you and i am sending you massive hugs.
take care
xxxx
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A
female
reader, dr good advice +, writes (11 October 2007):
thanks for the advice mandy7 and tellulah, it makes sense but what if he fails the lie dectector test? and i have been right all along? /then i would be a single mother because i wouldnt and couldnt forgive anybody who has cheated on me. i love him with all my heart but im nobodys fool,im praying he passes, i will appologise for all my accusing and have a happy life with him and the kids. oh by the way i already have 2 of hes children so its not like he has taken on me and my kids has soon has we met. and also i would like to add that the other 2 replies i received didnt help one bit, typical male advice! Thanks again to mandy7 and tellulah. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): So, you've been going on at him about this 3am phone call for the last three years? If I was in his shoes I think I would have been tempted to strangle you by now.
No wonder he clams up when you bring it up - he's sick to the back teeth of hearing about it and hasn't got anything further to add on the subject.
Give the poor bloke a break will ya?
I hope for his sake you don't get post-natal depression as well as psychosis!
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): Hi Love,
Im going to take a HUGE guess and say have you been hurt badly in the past? Sorry if im wrong hun...
Your hormones are all over the place not that id be happy if the phone went at 3am but the main thing here is he didnt jump up and answer it just incase you got there first plus if he wasnt staying with you all the time then he would have the sense to tell her to phone while he was on his own so that tells me his not worried about anything.
Jasmine may have txt him a happy christmas pissed but did her num come up as jasmine? If she was anything special to him even a good mate you would think the num would be there.
Plus he has agreed to a lie det test to put your mind at rest hunny.
Ive been were you are at the moment and thats because I had been really badly hurt by a previous partner so for a long while I couldnt bring myself to trust so I never had anyone really special in my life for a long time as my mind would work over time I no how it feels love but its not worth the negative energy as it can make you depressed and ill.
You are pregnant with his child hunny I really think you are worrying about nothing as he is with you and your 3 children he loves you sweetheart. I hope this helps TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Hi,
Your not going crazy honey your pregnant. Let me tell you, I have a friend thats pregnant at the moment, nearly 8 months. She is like a sister more than a mate. We have been in many stuations together and always been there to support one-another. But right now I could kill her, she is horrible. She is moody, spitfull and really agresive. If I didnt love her so much, I would have ended up having a fight with her, she has been that bad.
When I tell her that she is being like this she bursts into tears, so I cant win. I either upset her or let her use me as an emotional punch bag.
Listen to yourself! he is willing to take a lie detector test, and he wants you with 3 kids already atatched?. And yet you still dont believe the poor sod.
If you dont calm down, you will push him away and be a single parent with 4 kids. Which I am sure you dont want.
Go and see your doctor and tell him how you are feeling, he may not be able to give you anything, but he will be able to explain to you and your partner that this is all normal.
XX
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 In the meantime, you'll need to get security, and run a full back ground check on him. Maybe just lock him in a room and await trial. A lie detector test. When you get down to the bottom of it, you really get to the bottom. Are they inexpensive there? Here you can't get one for under $600 USD.
Let me ask you this, maybe that can keep you busy until the test: What damages a relationship worse, You're not trusting him, or him feeling as if he's not trusted?
You asked what to do, that should keep you busy.
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