A
male
age
30-35,
*lifeheartbroken
writes:ok im only 15 but i love this girl with all my heart. we dated once dint work cuz im 2 hours away now im moving with my causins so i can live only 3 miles away from her. i'll be ther in a week an were going to try to date again an i know this time it will work. an i know im to young but she talks about having a baby all the time an i haven told her yet but i really want to be a dad. i dont kno if i should tell her about it an see or just wait till im older but i think about having a little boy all the time an just really want one please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): If you want to be parents the first step needs to be a solid relationship which takes time to build. You are very young to be starting a family so I suggest you put in a few years and see whether you still want to be together. If so, you will then maybe have a good foundation for starting a family.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 Well for a start even if you did get this girl pregnant there is no guarantee that you would have a little boy, so would you be happy with a little girl? That is a very immature thing to say and just proves that you are no where near ready to be a father!
I'm going to try and say this as nicely as possible, I dont want to come accross as harsh or patronising. But you are way too young and way too irresponsible to have a baby. You are still a child yourself therefore there is no way you should be bringing another life into this world. You are not even properly with this girl - how can you think about having a baby when you havent had a real relatioship together?!
It is great news for you both that you are moving closer to her, that means you can be together properly. But a long distance relationship is very different to a normal relationship - there are no guarantees that even if you are closer together this relationship will work out! You need to be together a long long time before you can think about children, only after being together years and years can you be sure that you are perfect for each other and that you will be together forever to raise a family.
You are so young and have a difficult few years ahead of you - life changes so much from the age of 16 through to 22. You will have school, college, jobs, finding a house....the list goes on. Life is so unstable at that age, so it would be wrong for you to bring a baby into that. I know you feel like you "want" a baby because the idea of it is nice but it is like a child wanting a new toy. The idea of it seems nice but once you get the toy, you soon get bored of it and the novelty wears off.
Do you really feel ready to spend the next 18+ years looking after someone else - they will rely on you for everything. This means that your whole life will be taken over by another person, so you will be 33 by the time you get any freedom back in your life. You have to financially provide for your child, some people claim children cost around $100,000. Do you have this sort of money? Do you have a stable job that will last the next 18 years so you can always give the life to the child that it deserves?
Think about your childhood - what made it good? What made you happy as a kid? I think it will be down to the fact that mum and dad were always there for you, that mum was around to take care of you and dad worked to bring food to the table. That you could get a new toy when you wanted one, that you could go to the cinemas when you wanted to. I bet your parents are still fully supporting you now, how can you do that to your parents? They dont want to have to support another child, it is not fair to ask them to pay for your own baby.
There is a huge difference between "wanting" a child and the reality of children. They cry, they poop, they demand your attention 24/7, they drain your money, you will be tired 24/7, you cannot go out and see your friends, you can barely leave the house....while there are great things about being a parent the majority of the time it is sheer hard work and not much fun at all. You are still so young - are there not things in life you want to achieve? Do you not have any ambitions or dreams? If you have a child you have to sacrifice everything for them, you wont have any freedom whatsoever to do what you want. The needs of your child and your partner will always have to come first.
What you should do is not mention this to anybody and just wait until you are at least 21. See if you are with the same girl then, and if you are then you will be sure that she is the right girl for you, that you are the right guy for her and that you will have a wonderful life together. But you cannot be sure of this at your age, 15 is too young to know whether you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone. Too many things in your life are going to change over the next few years that will put a massive strain on your relationship, never mind adding a child into the equation.
Everyone talks about their dreams for the future, and it is ok to talk about how you want to be a dad "one day" with your girlfriend, but it is just wrong for you to discuss having children right now. Finish school, go to college, get a job, get a car, get a house, get married and then have children. Live your life first so that you dont resent having your kid so young, because if you have one now you will resent that child for taking away your own childhood.
I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, jayne_staaa +, writes (21 May 2009):
ooo well as i've just learnt thanks to all agony aunts on this site get a great job first babies need alot of money and support. if you don't have that you and your partner might break from all the pressure then your child will grow up in a broken home and yeah i don't think thats the way you invisioned your happy family, i want a baby too! but you gotta think what kind of life you can offer one. If you and your partner are meant to be then why not wait? whats the rush? you want to be educated and when you eventually do have a child for it to be proud of you cos ur not some uneducated person or stuck in some joyless dead end job x
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