A
female
age
36-40,
*isLadYd..
writes:hey ppl.i really have to let my bf go but i cant.how do i move on?he doesnt call me or anything yet i just had his baby last month.he hasnt seen her at all but when i cal he acts like he wna b with us til death.i luv him but i want out.but how?
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female
reader, misLadYd.. +, writes (22 September 2010):
misLadYd.. is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey.i really appreciate yo answer.made me feel strong and now i feel confident.thanks a lot and i know what to do now.your advice helped me a lot.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 September 2010):
Hi there. You don't say how long you have been together. Has it been for a few years? Or, did you meet shortly before you became pregnant to him?
By what you have said, you don't live together.
How was your relationship up till your baby daughter was born?
Was it good till then? I am assuming that it was.
If things went well while you were pregnant, and you were both happy, then it's possible that the changed circumstances has suddenly dawned on him. He now realizes that everything has changed, the moment his daughter was born. It's no longer carefree.
Perhaps the reality of now being a father, has scared the daylights out of him. The responsibility is probably worrying him and he doesn't know what he should do. He definitely can't turn back time, that's for sure. So it's a case of facing the music somehow.
As the biological parent, he does have a financial responsibility to support his daughter.
It does sound like he still loves you, those feelings wouldn't change just because of the birth. He seems scared, more than anything else.
He might also be feeling a bit trapped, and not know where to turn.
One thing is for sure, you both need to sit down and discuss this in a calm, peaceful setting. Don't get angry or upset or try to pressure him into anything. That would be counter-productive.
You both need to be open and honest with each other, about what you want for yourselves and for your child. Don't let too much time go by in waiting to go through this process. It does need to happen sooner rather than later.
Is it possible that the three of you could all go out somewhere in a nice setting, like a picnic for instance, where he can meet his daughter and you can talk about everything and see what his thoughts are on the subject of parenthood.
You will have to call him, as you have said that he doesn't seem to do any calling himself. When you do, stay calm and don't get emotional or sound needy, as this could scare him off even more. He does need to know that you are coping well on your own with your new baby, and that you are not calling to say you desperately need him to help you. If you do sound needy and desperate, it will come out in your voice, no matter how hard you try to remain calm. He might be thinking that you are going to put pressure on him and so is keeping his distance.
You need to be confident about who you are, and that you can cope very well (with or without him), that way he can see his way free to be a part of you and your daughter's lives again. This self-confidence on your part, does need to be genuine, don't pretend, as pretence would come across as false and insincere. It's very transparent.
At the moment, he is probably coming to terms with everything and being a father and what that responsibility entails. And it is a very big responsibility - for both of you really.
All the more reason for everything to be discussed in a very calm, loving and respectful environment. This way, there is more likelihood of a very positive outcome.
Neither of you wants to feel that you are in a situation you cannot get out of. Although you can't change the fact you are now parents, it can all be enjoyed as it should, and still be responsible parents at the same time. It's a case of finding a happy medium where it's a win-win for all concerned.
You will find a way to make that happen, I'm sure.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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