A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I figured I would get an outsiders, unbiased perspective on this situation.My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. We broke it off very well; maturely, trying to stay friends, and kept it very civil. We were dating for about a year and were living together, so we had - and wanted to - make it work. It went excellent; no strings attached, and some FWB there on the side.Fast forward 2 weeks, I get a job offer in another state and decide to take it, as it is a huge leap in my professional career. I had to leave in 2 weeks from the date of offer, so she made arrangements to move out back into her parents house. That was the end of the relationship; although friends, we were still somewhat lingering. I took it solid, and move on well.Come moving day, I said my goodbyes and left everyone to begin my trek. We stayed in contact during my travels, but i noticed she was avoiding me after work and other certain times of the day. I decided to ask what was goin on: Her EX was in town, and they reconnected.(As a side note, she does this after every relationship. Her downtime in between romantic relationships is literally 2 weeks to a month before shes serious again. She cant handle being truly alone.)Now this isn't just an "EX"... this dude permeated our relationship through every possible orifice imaginable. At least 3 times, she would talk to him while we were dating and make plans to move back in with him, and everytime he would ignore her again and stop talking to her. Not only that, but she would always talk to him when we were having problems; no good.They have been doing this on-off cycle for about 3 years now, whether they were in relationships or not. Now, I know MY relationship with her was unhealthy, and she was a scumbag for how she treated me with him, but Their relationship is a whole nother story. (They constantly lie to each other, deceive each other, and mess with each others emotions. There is slight history of cheating between them as well.)Back to what I was saying, He was engaged to a girl before her and I broke up. After we broke up, she convinced him that this girl he was engaged to was no good for him (and in her defense she was crazy), and had him break it off. When I left, he came down for a trip, reconnected with her after 3 years, and they IMMEDIATELY started dating. Like, 3 days in. Then, she tells me shes making plans to move back up with him.She told me all this, I was pissed, but got over it. I said she was dumb and moving too fast - way too fast. But she had her mind set on this, so whatever. Remember though, this is only a MONTH after we "stopped dating", and 2 weeks after our FWB streak ended.2 weeks after they "start dating," I'm getting all settled in at my new job and I find out she takes a trip to go see him for a weekend. They hang out for a few days, she leaves. Come to find out, when she was up there, HE PROPOSED to be ENGAGED, and SHE SAID YES!!!Now, I'm not UPSET per-se, but more baffled by this idea. Yes, it tugs on the heartstrings a bit, but DANG; 2 weeks back together and theyre engaged??? Not only that, but 2 weeks after HER AND I ARE DONE, and 2 weeks after he BREAKS UP WITH HIS EX-FIANCE????? I dont know if this is crazy, or REALLY CRAZY.Let me know your thoughts. Also, let me know what the outcome if their relationship is going to be. I'll give it 6 months and this will be in the trashbin again.By the way, the engagement ring looks nothing like a true ring; it looks more like a promise ring tbh. That was funny; cause you know he just went to a store and bought the best ring he could find for what he scrounged up within 2 weeks. ;)
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broke up, engaged, her ex, his ex, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): Well they are both very messed up dysfunctional individuals and their "relationship " has always been unhealthy. Therefore if they do get married why would anything change? They will still be the dysfunctional people they are and their relationship will still be unstable. Of course what might change is that they might have kids as another attempt at normalcy. So that would just complicate things more. They will probably separate or divorce then get back together or cheat on their new partners with each other. Same as it always has been.You should just ignore the train wreck that she is. I don't think she was ever "yours" to begin with, she was always focused on him. You were just a temporary distraction to her. You should move on, there's nothing more to see here.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your responses!!! I'm glad to see that I am not the only one who thinks this is completely ridiculous. I appreciate everyone and what they said... It was nice of you all to offer your thoughts. As for me, I have been done with her for a while now. Yes, I'm still mourning the relationship, but I'm not and will never try to get back with her. I realized the train left he station after we broke up, even before the whole ex thing. It's just residual emotions and the natural mourning process that is getting in the way... And the fact that I am completely on my own in a whole new place.We're still friends because even though she is a cool person non-relationship wise, we share core mutual friends where I used to live, so it was the best option for everyone. She's been running all these updates by me before she goes public, for some god-knows reason. I don't understand why she has to tell me that she's engaged before she tells the rest of the world, but whatever.Nonetheless, I AM looking towards the future, and I know she's not part of it. I was just trying to make sure that I am not alone in thinking she is batshit crazy for getting engaged to a person she hasn't known in 3 years, or if it was just me. Glad to know I'm not alone.I'm letting them do their own thing I guess. I am actually going back down for one of our mutual friends weddings here in a couple weeks, and they will both be there together. Awkward... I'll deal though.Thank you again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Well, there is always a silver lining. At least it's not YOU getting married to her.
She sounds like she can't handle being alone, and the fact that she will marry a guy she's had a off again on again relationship with after only 2 weeks, sounds like a disaster in the making.
Wish her luck and cut the contact. My bet is.. they won't get married or if they do, they won't last.
Either way, you ducked a bullet. Good luck in your new job and take some time before dating again.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 I would say, isn't it a good thing that you aren't in the same city as her any longer, count your blessings and make your new home yours.
You are succumbing to a very natural and typical reaction to a big move: you keep on looking to your past.
You are freshly broken up, it's all new and you are in a new place.
You are focusing on her because that is what you know and what feels familiar, even if the whole relationship is a disaster.
I don't care what the outcome of their relationship is going to be. It doesn't matter to me one bit. Nor should it matter to you any more. It'll take some time but stop feeding the need to keep connected to the disaster that was your relationship and get your feet on the ground in your new city.
There are new adventures and people to meet now. If you are stuck in rehashing the ex and the dead relationship they will pass you by. Be grateful you are no longer with Miss Crazy.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 September 2013):
She sounds nuts, so good riddance.
I'd say she moved on quickly because she transferred a lot of her feelings from you to him, not to mention the feelings she had for him all along. That's why rebounding is no good.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 September 2013):
I hope you know that in 6-months to a year you're probably going to laugh about this whole situation. I've been in a similar situation and I was like...WHAT?! You've known each other for a few months and you want to get married?! Not a good idea!
Obviously, you already know they aren't a good match. They lie to each other and he probably has communication problems since he just starts ignoring her by leaving her hanging and then coming back when it's convenient for him and it's impossible for her to be by herself.
I would bet that they don't even make it to the point of getting married.
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A
female
reader, eri_sunshine  +, writes (8 September 2013):
Personally it sounds ridiculous to me, and it sounds like the actions of two people who are very insecure about themselves, too frightened to be alone, and confused about their lives and feelings. Yes, you're right in thinking that this is pretty crazy- but it's happening, and you are better than it. I'd be extremely hurt by the situation, but you just have to remember that you're an emotionally stable person who's probably secure enough to be able to be without a relationship for a while. This is a good thing- you don't need them in your life at all anymore. Don't bother concerning yourself with the crazy actions of conflicted people and rather focus on your own wellbeing because you're better than that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (8 September 2013):
 I think they are two crazy people who belong together. The guy just wants to get married, any woman would do and your ex the same way too. For some people, the experience of getting a wedding and a honey moon is more important than the actual marriage life. Who cares what happens next?
I think your relationship with her was too casual to be honest. The only reason why she was able to break up in a civil way was because she had already lined up another male just in case. She was not putting all eggs in one basket.
There is a female author Rory Raye, who encouraged women to date and date and date, until you get married. Period. Waiting around and getting desperate for a man is not worth it. I personally don't like the idea of circular dating. It is manipulative.
You can call people crazy all you want. Two statements: I would rather be crazy. I would rather be normal.
You might be surprised not a whole lot prefer to be normal. Considering that more than half of the marriages end up in divorce anyway. Many people question the institution of marriage while they feel like they are not normal without getting married at least once. What these two people are doing is like a mixture of rebelliousness and a screw it, just do it attitude.
After you break up with her you were too involved with her life. How did you get to see the ring? Not that by cutting all contact will make you feel any better but I just don't see a point in being friends with an ex.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (8 September 2013):
 True ring or not its a sign she wants u away. Sorry man.
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