A
female
age
36-40,
*shley868
writes:I am going to be 24 in a month, and I am still a virgin. I'm starting to worry that guys will be put off by it. My friends told me just not tell a guy that that I am, but I think he'll find out when he finds out I've only been in one brief relationship. When I tried online dating once, I was talking to someone on messenger, and he asked me about past relationships, so I told him about my one summer fling, and that I had never been in a real relationship. So he asked if I were still a virgin. I think I'd get that a lot, and maybe guys will be turned off.I also feel like there is something wrong with me because I haven't had sex yet. There are 13 year olds losing their virginity. Not that I am upset I didn't lose it when I was that young, but it just makes me feel uneasy knowing that kids I once baby-sat have had sex before me.I'm not waiting for marriage either, I want to have sex... but I don't want to sleep around.Should I be ashamed that I am a 23 soon to be 24 year old virgin? Should I just sleep with anyone like a friend suggested just to get it out of the way? I really really want to be in a relationship first, but I am very ugly so I doubt I ever will be in one. People bark at me, and tell me I am ugly all the time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): If you keep telling yourself that you are ugly and that you will probably never have a relationship then it will probably become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you MUST stop telling yourself those mean things. Be nice to yourself and others will be too, that's the law of life.
The fact that you are a virgin is no issue; no guy will care. Your issue is lack of self-confidence but luckily that be cured in many, many ways, as suggested by other comments :-)
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Philosophyzer  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 Oh gosh, darlin'. Where do I begin?
Firstly, read your last paragraph a few times. Yes, do it. Read it. Here is your problem. If you think you are some dog with nothing to offer people, then you are surrendering to the schmucks on the streets who make fun of you and are allowing them to win. Never, I repeat NEVER, roll over and take such behavior. You are a beautiful woman with something to offer. You seem smart and kind. I can tell just by the way you type. I'm sure you are far prettier than you have been led to believe. Have confidence in yourself. Tilt that head up and believe you are a strong, awesome woman. Maybe do some little things to boost your self-esteem. Go to the salon! Get a daring, hot haircut and get your eyebrows waxed. Paint those nails a sexy color! Get a hot outfit and go out with your girls. If you think you look sexy and you feel sexy, you will be sexy to others! ;-)
Secondly, there are people well into their thirties, forties, fifties, and beyond who are virgins! It is nothing to be ashamed of. Would you rather be the thirteen year old hooker you mentioned who probably has an STD? I think not. The chips just haven't fallen into place and you seem like the type of person who is waiting for the right place, the right time, and, most importantly, the right person. There is no faulty logic there. If anything, that is incredibly smart.
Don't go out and sleep with the next guy you see. That is cheap and your friend should be ashamed for giving you such advice. Take your time and find someone worth it.
Many guys find the whole virgin thing to be sexy. Some will be put off by it, but then they aren't for you, darlin'. Once you find a nice guy, don't tell him right off the bat. But when the moment seems to be arising, tell him you are. Chances are, he will care less!
Enjoy life and don't let this bother you! Get that self-esteem higher and be comfortable with yourself! It will all work out! Best of luck. :)
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (9 August 2010):
Im sorry that people treat you that way! it's those who are ugly and cruel to call anyone names! those are their words not yours remember that! and when they say it to you i would say back to them what kind of person does it make you to say nasty things about ones appearence! and walk away believe me they will think about it and if they don't who cares they are people who get no where in life! and don't like their selve's to much they must have alot of issues or anger problems! i think you are beautiful you know why? for one you are honest about who you are and beauty comes from with in!! so smile alot laugh alot and totally ignore there comments and just smile at them that'll get to them (trust me) and if a woman says it to you you know what you say to her to make her feel like *hit if shes pretty say to her. say i wish i was pretty like you! but i know iam pretty on the inside and say i was gifted on the other part! and as far as sleeping around don't do it just because everyone is? and you feeling left out do it becase it's right because it's very special and the first time is very awkward because it does hurt! and there is blood involved so i think he has to be pretty special don't you. you make life! what you want to make it and you get out of life by your good choices. take charge dress up play house do your toe nails finger nails have fun w/ it do it in your own privacy of your room practice on some smiles some come backs please be proud of who you are you will see what iam telling you is the truth beauty comes from with-in.
Sincerely:
Your Sister
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A
female
reader, someone frustrated +, writes (9 August 2010):
I know that it is probably not what you want to hear right now, but I am going to say that the best thing you can do for yourself is to just appreciate yourself for the way that you are in the present and not focus too much on the fact that you haven't yet lost your virginity or why.
I started to do that when I was 19 and ended up sleaping with the first guy to come along just to get it over with. While not at all painful, the experience was irritating and empty.
That was six years ago, and I have had both one-nighters and long-term relationships since then but never have I liked sex. It is just something annoying and gross that I have to do when I have a boyfriend so that he will stay.
I think that when you meet someone you are comfortable with and you are ready it will happen. Hopefully you will find the experience interesting and pleasant.
You need to make sure that you do it for the right reason or there's no point in doing it at all. Sex for women is emotional, and without that emotion to make it pleasant the actvity is disgsting.
I have managed to detatch emotion from the activity even when it's with someone I'm really into and so it becomes nothing more than another person slamming their waste-secreting organ into mine when mine doesn't want it there.
Guys are more likely to be put off by someone who has had a lot of sex but hates it than someone who hasn't had any and has a clean slate of experience for them to write on.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, BAMMM  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 No you should not be ashamed!
Some people might say that kids that lose it at 13 should be ashamed!
also. good for you that you have decided to not sleep around and wait for the right person.
I think you just need to be more pro-active about finding a boyfriend.
Socialize more, flirt with guys, take up new hobbies, be more friendly outgoing and talkative.
Dress more feminine and most importantly, BE YOURSELF.
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