A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does he really want me or is he still hung over his ex gf?When I first met boyfriend, he would rant on and on to me about his ex, how she was psycho and all. I felt it was okay since we were just friends given the distance between us it would be hard to date. But we started to develop feelings for each other and he asked me out. Lately we've been getting in a lot of fights because of her. He didnt tell her about me each time(twice) she contacted him to get back together with her. Each time he told her no he doesnt want to see her but I still felt it was wrong he kept me a secret from her. So I nagged him to the point of exhaustion to tell her about me. I admit, it was extremely annoying.When he finally did, he showed me what he said to her, and he badmouthed me in the process.He tells me he doesnt care about her anymore, but wont ignore her when she contacts him either because he wants to be courteous. He says he feels "indifferent" and it is an "unexpected surprise."We are currently not talking, he is completely exhausted by my nagging but it was my birthday the other day and he kindly remembered and emailed me wishing me a good birthday and telling me he loves me.What is he really trying to say?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 He is really mixed up.Trying to have a foot in both worlds. He still loves his ex, regardless of what he tells you, men who don't have feelings for a woman have no problem avoiding them! Since he always leaves an "open door" for her contact, says he still cares for her. You may be wasting your time. He must choose which girl he wants to be with and then end it with the other one. No facebook, no emails, no texts. Cold turkey. It's the only way your relationship can move forward.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Brief recap...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/cant-talk-to-boyfriend-about-this-because-he.html
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Yep, he's hedging his bets. He's not over his ex, and he doesn't want to cut her out of his life. You shouldn't have to nag him to tell her about you, because if a guy truly cares about you and is done with his ex, the conversation should have gone like:
Ex: "So, think we made a mistake last time and should get back together?"
Boyfriend: "No, I think things are better off as they are. Sorry."
Ex: "Why? Wasn't I good for you? Is there someone else? Why can't we give it another try? I still love you!"
Boyfriend: "There's someone else in my life. I love her and want to be with her now"
Ex: "So you've chosen that slut (or insert other derogatory comment) over me. Did you forget the time we (fill in the blank)?"
Boyfriend: "I don't want to talk about it. Please don't call me again."
**hang up**
What did he say that badmouthed you exactly??
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 June 2010):
I'm always suspicious of people who go on about their ex's all the time. It usually means they've not over them, or not over the pain of losing them. Both are bad, because without them being over that person, they can't move on. So that's Red Flag 1.
Red Flag 2 is the fact that he'd deceived you and badmouthed you to his ex. Sorry, but he should not be badmouthing you to his ex.
Red Flag 3 is the fact he won't stop speaking to her because he wants to be 'polite'. That shows lack of respect for your feelings given that he has treated you badly elsewhere.
And now he's suddenly over her and 'indifferent'.
In short - crap. You don't suddenly go from badmouthing your ex to speaking to her politely and being 'indifferent'.
Don't believe a word he says and move on from him.
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