A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can someone please help me decide. My ex and i have split up we were living together it was all his idea to end our relationship but i am sure he still has feelings for me.I still have feelings for him it is very painful for me at the moment. It is a few months since we have spoken but recently he is driving me mad! I see him when i am out and he keeps stopping my friends and talking to them about our relationship and trying to justify how we split up, my friend asked him if he was happy now and he would not confirm that but he never said he was unhappy either. My friend said she thought he was regretting things and the more i think about it i am beginning to agree.Why would he keep doing this? If he was happy surely he would totally blank me and my friends. He caught my eye going out of a club and gave a sort of embarrassed wave which is the first time he has had eye contact with me since we split. Why is he just speaking to my friends and not me do you think he is just getting the courage up to approach me again he is quite a shy person he couldn't look at me in the eye when we first met and so many weeks have gone by since we split up it may be difficult for him though i can't understand why he can't just send a simple text.The last time we were out he told a friend nothing would have made him happier than if he was coming home with us all now but he had made his bed now so would have to lie in it.All these things i am hearing are just confusing me, i do love him but he has really hurt me and feel it is up to him to make things right.Can someone shine a little light on things please, am i on the right track or barking up the wrong tree altogether!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Yes i know you are right i am probably feeling a bit of rejection but i think i can have him back if i play my cards right i know he does love me even after this little hiccup. I will be pleasant to him maybe just a smile and see what happens, he already knows i get a lot of attention so he knows i won't be short of admirers.I will definately not rush into a relationship again like you say, i know that for sure and i definately won't have him moving back in with me until i am convinced things are right. I know he has piled all the guilt on me but i know he knows it is really his fault no matter what he says to my friends he knows deep down and if he has learn't from his mistake that is all i ask.I am socializing a lot more now i am not just waiting for him but i do have feelings for him which just won't go away maybe things won't work out long term but i would like at least one more chance to try because it wasn't a bad relationship and he knows that or surely he would just let things lie and forget me and my friends i know they are a funny breed and work in mysterious ways.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Well, I don't like the sounds of his reason for the break up, that he was seeing someone behind your back and he sort of blamed you for breaking up with you? Typical male behavior on the blame part instead of facing his guilt.
He sounds kind of untrustworthy, he has already proven himself to be....are you sure he is worth your love, OR
are you still stinging from the rejection and having a very common human emotion wanting something that you can't have?
My guess is that if the two of you start seeing each other again you will rush the reconcilliation because he will want sex and he will do the same exact thing, freak out, start taking you for granted and lie about romancing some other women.....just a guess.
If you want him to approach you when you see him, then approach him and be friendly, but don't start talking about the breakup just let him know how great you are doing and throw in some guy you have been seeing, that should do it....guys want to compete for a woman, want a bunch of losers they are, lol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Yes he does ask how i am, then he goes over the whole break up with them. I sometimes think he is passing messages on so i will get in touch with him but i can't do that.I feel like it should be him who makes things up, there was not a lot wrong with our relationship i thought we were happy and it came as a shock to me when he said he was leaving we had had a slight problem, work related where he thought i had not backed him up as i should have but it turned out he was not totally honest with me and had been seeing someone behind my back he said he initially spoke to her for support during our trouble which was nothing major in my eyes and i am sure that is an excuse for him. I am not sure if he is still seeing that person or he is regretting his decision.My friend said to him that i had not deserved that treatment and he agreed with her.I do love him and i know trust would be an issue now but i would be willing to work on it but i don't want to be seen to be running after him he created the problem and i think it is only right that he puts things right. I know he must be feeling terrible about what has happened because it was over nothing really i think it is more fear than pride that he doesn't approach me.It is just driving me mad seeing him occasionally on a night out when he isn't approaching me directly we seem to get no further forward. My friend thinks he may talk to me next time she things he is getting a bit braver every time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): It could be that he still has feelings for you, asking your friends how you are is one sign, did he do that? Also telling your friends that he wishes he could go with, but he made his bed and he just has to lie in it...sounds like regret and he is hoping it will get back to you.
He broke up with you and he should be the one to make ammends, but if you still love him and think the break up was a mistake, your relationship still might be salvageable and if he has too much pride he may not make that first step.
You could give him a call just to feel him out I suppose, but ask yourself if he is really good for you and do you want to go through a break up again with him or would it be better for you just to start dating some different people.
You aren't a kid anymore if you are over 36, so you should be able to decide this pretty easily.
Try writing down a list of 10 characteristics that you want in a mate, include looks, money personality etc and decide on three non-negotiables, three things that you absolutely have to have. If he hasn't violated any of those non negotiables then he is not the wrong person for you, and if he is 80% of your list he is a good match for you. However, what were the original problems, was it about your behavior, his or a combo of both?
Can those issues be worked out if not resolved?
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