A
male
age
41-50,
*ercutio6
writes:There was a girl (Miranda) that I briefly dated when I was 17. The relationship was emotional, but never turned physical because she decided that she was going to see her ex-boyfriend again so, like a dope, a let her go. We both moved on and saw other people, but it hurt me to do so at the time (typical unrequited love story, I am sure). Since that time I have been engaged, unengaged, joined the military, served in Iraq, left the military, been in several long-term, committed relationships and left Miranda in my past...or so I thought. It has been 10 years now and still I always find myself thinking about her. Last night and the night before I had dreams about her. This morning in particular, when I woke up I felt an overwhelming despair much like one gets after an emotional break-up and it hasn't yet gone away. I am not sure what my problem is. Miranda is the only woman that I can say I have felt this way about, even though I was engaged. Actually, the woman I was engaged to was a friend of Miranda's at one time, so it may have been my sick way of staying close to her psychologically. These feelings for Miranda persist despite the fact that her and I live on opposite sides of the U.S. (I moved), she has been married for over two years, has children, and is undoubtedly happy so I refuse to bother her and risk her unhappiness. I know that leaving her alone is the best way to ensure that she is happy since I cannot do it for her myself.So my question is two-part. "What the F@$% is wrong with me?" and "What can I do to get over this girl and feel this way about someone else?" Distance, time, and no-contact has not worked. A lobotomy seems like my only realistic option at this point. Help, please!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Dear Mercutio6 (so cute that you have adopted this on line name - this tells me something about you) There is nothing wrong with you. I promise. You were very young and deeply in love. These feelings are real. Don't discount them. That being said your Miranda is long gone - you said this yourself - she's married and has two kids - no matter that she is 3,000 miles away as well. There is most likely no chance for you. Do this instead - you are a veteran - contact your local VA Medical Center, see about getting some sort of therapy for your depressed feelings. Honestly - seeing a lobotomy as a realistic option is almost funny - except you sound too sad for me to laugh. Don't self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Get an appointment at the VA. There is no shame in this. Let me know how things turn out. You served our country. I care. I want to know what happens.
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