A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright well I am now pretty sure that I want to end all contact with the girl I am in love with. I have very strong feelings towards her I love listening to her being around her and thinking about her but unfortunately for me she doesn't feel the same way. she won't really give me a chance so for my own good I need to end contact with her. How would you recommend doing this, its not an anger thing or retaliation but I think she might want to talk to me once I stop being there for her. Do you think ending contact is a good thing when she tells me she likes talking to me? How long should I stop contacting her or talking to her? Should I avoid her at first if she tries to talk to me on fb or by a text message? I want her to realize that I was something to miss and not just going to be there cause she expected me to be there. She is a great person and hasn't done anything wrong I just think that ending contact would be a good idea but I am not sure for how long? or how to do it?thanks everyone
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHonestly thanks for being understanding, I would never talk about people this way and didn't know what I was saying until I looked back and read everything over. I am usually hard on myself because it pushes me to work harder and thats what i liked about this girl is she made me feel like I could work harder because she was too good. I have come to realize that I built her up so much in my head that I didn't treat her like a girl and that is my fault. I wasn't mean to her but was just to much because I thought she was perfect in every way and she even tried to tell me that she isn't what I think she is. I just was caught up with everything and was tired of being the shy guy at school.
once again thanks for listening
A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Hey your friendship with her wasnt your fault. You cant blame yourself. Im sorry to hear about you mother. I am still confused about who you are. You were sweet in the message and the kind of a jerk. But then your last message mostly explains that...kind of. Either way if you ever want to talk you know where to find me. Just send me a message :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You seemed like such a nice guy! and now your only care is sex. I hope you arent saying that because you've been hurt. Dont treat girls like they are only somethign to screw. Why would you want anyone to feel they way you did with this girl?"
I don't want sex from her or pretty much any other girl. She was great to me whether people who know me or know her agree or not. I don't think I loved her but I know that I liked her and the only thing I wanted from her was a friendship that my dumb ass couldn't even manage. so thats why it is what ever. I got a lot on my mind and Im taking my anger out on here but not on people. My mother has cancer so thats what I have been spending my time thinking about.
another thing is I wanted people to realize this is why I am not feeling good or acting like I normally would be but I don't want to tell them directly. I don't really want sympathy I just want people to know.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (7 December 2010):
You seemed like such a nice guy! and now your only care is sex. I hope you arent saying that because you've been hurt. Dont treat girls like they are only somethign to screw. Why would you want anyone to feel they way you did with this girl?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto clear up Im a Guy and I like girls so... but anyway Im feeling what ever at the moment. Im going to a concert in about 2 weeks and will bang some chick so it will be all good. I was looking at this girl who I have been trying to be everything for and thinking she was something special or different but honestly she isn't she would just be a nice slam piece and right now my good friend is hitting that up so good for him. Im going to miss her but what ever life's a bitch
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): ~REALITY CHECK~
Sweetie, have ypu ever experienced someone wanting to be in a relationship with you...but...you did not want the same and so declined?
He, like you, also has this desire and right. Respect it and him..and..if you really do love him, be is genuine friend but nothing more unless he has a change of heart and at that time yours is still the same.
MOST IMPORTANTLY...be it with the party you refer to or any other party whom you have a relationship or marriage with...don't make him your life...make him part of your life...otherwise you will lose you which doesn't end well for you or him.
Now..enjoy you..don't make your focus "finding another's love"...let it come to you naturally.
And lastly and of equal importance, you are accountable for your emotions...NOT HIM OR ANYONE ELSE.
God Bless~
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): One more piece of advice...don't be angry with the girl. She didn't take advantage of you. You're not a victim, you were a volunteer. All of us have been volunteers for love. It just wasn't in the cards.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Good choice, and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone I am ending contact or will at least try, I like the idea that if she tries to talk to me tell her that I can't talk to her because when I did talk to her how she wouldn't talk to me and how I waisted my life on her when she didn't care at all. She took advantage of me being there for her and it seems like it will be good for me to end everything. I have a lot more to do with my life that to think about her when she didn't think about me. maybe in a little while from now when I have my mind clear I can befriend her again but time will be the only judge. I wouldn't say I am ending the friendship because she doesn't share my feelings just because life was so much easier before I knew her, I was a happier person but the only good that I got from her was a drive that I have never had before she made me work hard or at least made me feel as though I had to work hard. thanks again
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 November 2010):
Yup, cutting contact is definitely the way to go. It will be difficult, but you just ignore her. If you see her, be friendly, but stop any extraneous contact. No more texting, emails, IM's, none of it. Focus your mind elsewhere. She may realize what she lost, she may not, but the real reason you have to do this is for you. Good luck, it's not an easy task.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (24 November 2010):
I think it would show her how important you are to her. If staying on contact with her hurts you because you love her then it would be a good idea to stop contact, otherwise you are ending your friendship because she doesnt share your feelings. She will most likely try to get you to talk to her, say she misses you, needs you etc. But unless she shares the emotions then youll be back in the same position. Honestly the only good reason you may have mentioned for stopping contact is that she may be taking advantage of you always being there, and your feelings for her. Do what is best for you. But if you chose to end it, dont think you can come back like everything is fine. And dont expect her to just let it go easily. It will be difficult
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Ending contact is the way to go. You need to move on. You have strong feelings for this girl that are not reciprocated. If you maintain any sort of contact with her, it will keep you from fully moving on.You can't be friends with her. That would just be an excuse to keep in touch. The problem is that you are going to feel like crap if you maintain any contact. You will keep that flame alive in your chest, and it is going to really hurt. Douse the flame. Go "no contact". That means no txting, no FB, no emails, no phone calls...nothing. If she quizzes you, tell her that you can't see her any more given your feelings toward her, and her lack of similar feelings toward you. Any other halfway measure will find you in a good deal of pain. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 You used to spend a lot of time thinking about her and pleasing her and now doing nothing is an effort. Think about the unburdening of thinking little details, how freeing that is. Remember the time when you didn't even know her at all, when you don't attach so much importance on one person, that's how you should live your life now. Symbolically you need to cut the cord with her, whether you believe in etheric energy. Believe that someone else would return your love in the future.
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