A
female
age
51-59,
*iveittime
writes:My boyfriend was away on course for 2 months in a different city. He was drinking a lot, very stressed and meet an old female friend he know 6 years ago on the course. When he arrived home, he very distance too me. My gut told me something happen .I found out he had an affair with her while on the course by reading an email. I honestly dont think it was physically but there was an emotional one (he left his msn on) I told him I read the email and asked if he was planning to continue talking to her. He told me he can never trust me again cause I read his email. He been away for 3 weeks now and I sent him an email saying I’m sorry for reading the email and I would like to try to talk and see if we can fix this. We have been together for 2.5 years and planning to get married summer of 2011. He has not reply to th email. Do I wait to see if he comes to see me or do I just move on as much as that is going to hurt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): He cheats and you say how sorry u are.
Hun if this man disrespects you and basically 'tortures' u by his absence how the hell do think u can ever trust him again.he walked out on you and no one knows what he is up to. U sit at home panicked and sad and miserable that he is away but he is having a good time where ever he is. Is he trying to punish u, seems like he succeeded. Punish you for what?
I think u know this marriage will not take place. Plse look at your life and do right by you for you. Meaning put you first. I find it degrading that he is now teaching u a lesson.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Bee4ever  +, writes (24 November 2010):
I agree with what people are telling you. It's hard to hear and it hurts but this guy doesn't deserve you. He should be begging your forgiveness but instead he's ignoring you and being insensitive. Why? Because he has someone on the side. He is not interested in making it right with you because he's already moving on. He can say whatever he wants after but do you really deserve a guy who treats you this way? What if the tables were turned? I don't think you went behind his back and opened his account plus after so many years together there shouldn't be any secrets. I leave my phone unlocked and laying around for my bf to see and we haven't been together half as long. Please think about what you want in a relationship and if he meets that then keep working with him. Don't call or text him! If he really loves you,wait until he makes the next move. Whatever happens be strong and respect yourself. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Why would you want him back when he's blatently cheated on you and broken your trust? In a way it's probably a good thing you found out what a scum bag he is before you got married. Think of it as a lucky escape and don't look back.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (24 November 2010):
He can't trust you anymore? Well let him know that that makes two of you because you can't trust him anymore and walk away from him. Seriously, what a jerk. He's making you feel bad over something you shouldn't feel bad about. If anyone should feel guilty and like they can't be trusted it's him. You really should move on.
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A
male
reader, Cj21508 +, writes (24 November 2010):
i don't mean to sound blunt or anything, but I'm a guy, I had almost the same situation as your's except! I didn't cheat on my girlfriend, I bashed her on msn to our group of friends. And I'm not saying what I did was justified because it wasn't regardless of how angry I was.
Basically what i'm trying to say (in a nutshell) is, he cheated on you, that should send red lights flashing all over the place. Cheating is the worst thing to happen to girl/guy in a relationship. If he actually said he can't trust you anymore, because you read his messages. I'd say move on, because he's clearly trying to make you feel bad for invading his privacy.
But think about it, if you hadn't read his msn and hadn't found out about it, do you think he would've told you? Or would he just continue on doing this behind your back, I think the answer is pretty obvious. He's at fault, NOT you, you've been good to him and haven't committed such a thing as cheating, he should be the one trying to fix it. When my girlfriend found out about those messages, I had nothing to say except sorry and I worked long and hard to make it up to her.
Here's what you have to consider now. Were the three years worth it? Were you happy? Like is it worth risking your own health going through emotional stress and probably heartbreak to work things out with the guy, because I can pretty much say, if you guys do decide to go on a date or something or see each other, you'll have that thought of that girl and start to wonder has he been talking to that woman again? So on and so forth.
Move on most definitely. Don't send him any more emails of apology because remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. He's the one that committed this (hate to use this word but) felony so he should be the one that pays or makes up for it NOT you.
Hopefully that helps.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Your serious he told you he can't trust you, seriously? A person who cheats and lies should not throw rocks, Why do you want to go back to him consider yourself lucky that he is gone. He obviously turned the tables around and made this your fault and with his manipulation of situation made you feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Can you really imagine your life with a person like this, a person who will walk out on the first chance he get and put all the blame on you.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (24 November 2010):
 why would you tell him sorry when he was the one cheating on you? Two and a half years is nothing compared to the rest of your life with this person. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve better than this.
You are settling because you are afraid to be alone and afraid there is no one that will love you.
Well, I would rather be alone than share my life with someone who will and continue to cheat on you. He manipulated the situation and turned it around on you and you totally fell for it. Obviously you love him wayyyy more than him and don't want to let him go. The truth is I don't believe he loves you. If he did, he would not have done what he did. It's going to hurt, but I believe if you don't stand up for yourself, this relationship is doomed.
Move ON!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Call me crazy but I think the fact that he cheated would hurt worse and that would make it easier to walk away.
Just because he was drunk and stressed doesn't give him the green light to have an affair. He's the one who should be apologizing for his cheating! Also, he's the one who should be trying to put forth an effort and mend this...but he's not so that tells me he could care less and he'll probably continue with this woman.
I suggest you call off the wedding and send him one last email stating it's over. This is HIS FAULT not yours. This cheating man is not husband material.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 November 2010):
Girl! What are you doing!? The guy cheated on you with an old female friend, then claims he doesn't trust you because you read his email, walks out, doesn't come back, offers no explanation, makes no contact at all. And instead of looking at this as a clean break from a guy who is obviously not that great, you're making excuses such as he was drinking, that he was stressed, and that you don't think there was anything physical going on.
I'm sorry to be the one to burst the bubble, but this guy is beyond unreliable, and totally worthless. He offers you nothing. He has the never to cheat (and I believe that it was physical, I'm afraid), and then basically blame you. He has made no attempt to make up for what he did, he has made no acknowledgement of emails. He's just gone.
Absolutely move on, and never even think of him again. He's not worthy of kissing your foot!
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