A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 28 years old and pregnant for the first time. The pregnany was unplanned and came as a shock as it happened exactly after a month that me and this guy had started dating. I was living in a muslim country and since I was unmarried I had no option but to leave. I left my job, my friends and everything behind me and moved back home. The father of the baby had said that he will give me his full support. His actions, however, prove otherwise. He has not sent a single penny to assist me in paying for the hospital/maternity doctor visits and he texts on watsapp once a week with just how are you and never bothers to write more. On Christmas and New Year he never sent any msgs and I was furious because I could see him online on social network sites and yet he hardly ever dropped me a line.We had a lot of arguments due to him not being able to maintain proper contact and he ends up calling me a nutcase. He even blocked me on facebook and when I asked him about it he said that he removed facebook altogether. I then found out that he never deleted his facebook like he claimed but just blocked me. I told him about it and he just said he doesnt see any need for us to be friends on facebook. So why lie to me and block me?He is 23 and hasnt told his family about my pregnancy yet. He kept saying that he didnt want to ruin his family s christmas festivities so he will not tell them. He still has not told them.I am fed up of this behaviour. I left everything in order to come home and have a healthy pregnancy and all I wanted was to have some decent amount of contact with him since we are not living in the same country. I started working again and I have my family's support but I feel badly treated. I blocked him on watsapp as I cannot handle the arguments any more. I gave him all my phone numbers in case he needs to sms/call and that s it. He had said that he intended to visit me in February so we could talk about our unborn child s future but I am really concerned as he doesn t care...he is just full pf words but no action.Did I do the wrong thing to block him? A friend told me I should be careful and put my child s needs first. But why should I continue to torture myself with his lies , arguments?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2014): I am the original poster of the question...thank you for all the answers. Just to clarify. The guy is not muslim, he is scottish and i am british. We both used to work in a muslim country. He still lives there but I am back home.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2014): You barely dated a month, currently living in different countries and he's a 23 year old who has not told his family about HIS baby saying that he didn't want to ruin his family's christmas festivities.Brace yourself; you're in this as a single parent. The fewer expectations you have from him, the less disappointed you will be and the better prepared your will be for what's ahead.He has had the opportunity to step up and has failed at every turn. If you really wanted to push him to get involved you could just let his family know about his child. Send them pictures of scans and of the baby when s/he is born and tell them you hope that they will be part of your son's life. In the mean time, don't stress yourself chasing after him. Your baby needs you to focus on your future as mother and child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2014): AuntyEm I don't know if this has anything to do with this guy being muslim or not.muslims do not celebrate christmas by the way. He is still from a muslim country and Muslim mans are usually family oriented and if his family knows about his actions he will be in a big trouble for not being there for you.In his culture he is not a man he is a shame for making you pregnant and leaving you to go through everything by your own.I think informing his family directly can make a big difference if you are looking to get help from them.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 January 2014):
 Is he a muslim? and are you a British citizen?
If you are a British citizen you will get free maternity care under the NHS, so he doesn't need to provide money for that unless you are hoping to have private care.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (19 January 2014):
Your entire problem stems from your lofty expectations from a guy you don't know. You're not dating him. If you want money ask for it. If you need something ask him. Don't expect him to do anything because he doesn't seem interested.
In all honesty many guys aren't into the pregnancy even when they're with their baby's mama, but when they aren't and they're not even in the same country you'll probably be lucky to get a "how are things".
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (19 January 2014):
 I am not going to give you a lecture on protection, because you are an adult and of course know about all of that, but the important thing is you have a little life to take care of, and if you are going to go through with having the baby then you need to do what your friend suggested, and put the unborn babies needs before anyone elses. You have been through loads as you have had to move home in order to have the baby, and due to the babies daddy not showing that he cares I am sorry that you have had to go through that. People are all good at speaking and making fake promises but its there actions which show you what kind of person they are, if he hasn't bothered and hasn't shown any regard for you or your future child then well he isn't much of a man is he. What kind of man blocks the women who is going to have his child? And then has the audacity to lie to you about it? Its obvious that at this moment in time he doesn't care, but you need to think about your child in all this. Your child should have two parents, two parents who can be bothered and will give the child love, I have no doubt you are ready to do that, but he appears to not care at the moment. During your pregancy I think you should leave the doors open for him to be invovled with your baby, but if after the birth he still doesn't care , then I would just accept he isn't going to change anytime soon. I never had a father, but my mother always left the doors open just incase my dad ever wanted to see me or I wanted to see him, unfortunately nothing ever changed, and I think its best to leave the doors open so when your child is older you can tell them you never stopped there other parent from visiting, which shows you put your babys needs first. However thats your personal choice as a parent, and I hope that maybe reality will hit him after the birth and he might step up, and if isn't going to, then he is obviously a waste of space. Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 January 2014):
Your friend is right. I think it's hard for you to accept that he's not going to be there for you and your child...at least not right now.
Look, you only knew him a month and you're pregnant. I really think you should focus on yourself and your baby because you cannot force someone to do what you want them to do, even if they said they would do something. You admit that his actions are not following through on his words.
I think you should look into seeing if there's any way you can get any form of child support from him. Only speak to him to send him updates or maybe sonogram pictures, but don't bother with trying to make any emotional connections with him.
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