A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Unique appearance vs. Attracting women. Is this why I can't get a girlfriend?Hi. Most of you by now will have seen my avatar. I have an afro.I like my hair. I feel like it adds more to my character. Unfortunately, I don't feel attractive anymore. Before I had a girlfriend who was with me for over 2 years. During that time, despite negative feedback from small minded persons, I felt attractive. Since I am not with anyone now, I'm not sure how I am seen in the eyes of the general public.Most people will say "Man, you have some cool hair" or "Your hair is wicked", but yet, it doesn't seem to be enough to attract a girlfriend. Not since my last g/f anyway, which was so long ago now it's making me feel like she must have been crazy to date me. After her, the generally good feedback remains, but yet, I remain single.I think a lot of people would hate me if I cut my hair off, and I don't want to let certain people's opinion resort me to cutting my hair since I like it. Am I just going to have to accept that some people are small minded, and that the right girl for me will come along in future, and tolerate my appearance? Because at this time, I've never felt more tempted to cut my hair.
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (16 March 2008):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, this has given me a slightly more positive outlook. Thank-you.
After all that has been said here, it's reassurance that I will find somebody who will like my hair again. But another girl who I'll love as much as my ex still feels like a while away yet. Perhaps University in September will change my perspective, and hopefully it will have already changed a little by then, since all that isn't till September anyway.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): I got long hair, very long hair, almost down to my ass and I am male.
A hindrance? You betcha. But it is who I am. I have done the neat short hair suit thing in the past and it just ain't me. I am a geek in jeans and a shirt and long hair.
Women on the whole are not that adventurous, they want a man with normal short hair, suit, tie who watches soccer.
You got to ask yourselve, do you want a boring partner like that? You afro will turn a lot of women off, but would you want them anyway? If you want to be a playboy, then you need to be conservative. You want to find a woman who is right for you, then be yourselve and if that afro is yourselve, then stick with it.
As another said, quality over quantity.
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (15 March 2008):
 NOOO DON'T CUT IT!
Seriously, your hair is HOT!
I have dreadlocks, which seems to be a bit of a marmite issue as far as caucasian girls like me go. By that I mean, you either love em - or hate them.
I too get a lot of compliments, like "whoa your hair is cool", but yeah I get whatcha mean. I seem to either get guys who really love it, or they're like... eergh...
So yeah I guess whilst your hair might totally put some girls off, the flipside is, that it probably also makes some girls REALLY like you. You just won't get many who think you're 'just okay-looking'. But seriously, who wants that anyway? Maybe you just haven't noticed the ones who find you hot.
And as you're in a band, you're right, it's always good to look a bit different, not that it isn't anyway.
So that's what I think, but... yeah. Who knows? I think it's cool, you think it's cool, I'm sure most people think it's cool. KEEP IT! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): In honesty, I saw your avatar and my first thought was, 'Woah, his hair is mint' and then, my second thought was, 'He's fit!' It makes you unique and gorgeous honey, and until you find someone who loves you for who you are, don't cut it and settle for anything less.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Hi Andy, you have given yourself lots of reasons not to cut your hair, one of which people are small minded about it. First off I think saying people are small minded if they don't like your fro is a way to make yourself feel better than them. It does not make someone small minded if they do not like fros, it is merely a preference like blonde, brunette, red head for instance....it doesn't even mean that they are all that shallow, people have preferences and if they tell you they do not then they don't have very strong ego boundaries and just either don't know what their preferences are or they are trying to fit in with what ever you want.
Now back to your choice. I think you have to decide whether or not this look suits you any more, your age, your head space, the image you are trying to project to the world....remember you have about 3 seconds to make a first impression on someone, and you only have one chance to make a first impression.
Also, what kind of girl do you want to attract? A cool musician loving groupy, a student, a model, an average down to earth girl? What kind of guy do you think your perfect girl would be attracted to? Only you can make this choice.
All that being said, all I know is that when I have made a change in my appearance, especially when I had doubts about my attractiveness, as long as the hair style was current, well groomed, a color that appears in nature, and fit and framed my face, I felt better about how I looked. Possibly it wasn't the hair style that attracted people to me, but I was a less depressed Karen, and more confident, happy person which draws people to you, not repels them.
Personally, I don't like your fro. That is my preference....from your very dark picture, you look like you are a nice tall, thin guy with a cute face, I think short hair would be sexy as hell on you....and as far as differentiating yourself as a musician, just be the best at that as you can be, and maybe wear something unique, a unique style of clothing says more about the man than his hair.
Ultimately it is up to you and what you think would help you out at this juncture....and yeah, it is only hair, it is one of the few things a guy can change to change his appearance, and if nothing else, change is fun!
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (15 March 2008):
 Women are shallow.you're too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too white. too black. too asian. too drunk. hair is too long/short etc etcand i Don't care that the girls reading this say.. you have all done this at some point or another.keep the 'fro and live the dream and dance like no ones watching. and basicly stop giving a rats arse about what they think get an attitude and they'll love you.Now go watch fast times at ridgemount high and all will become clear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): I love afros, I love characterstick with the afro and go with "quality not quantity"you may not get large numbers of girls but eventualy one girl will be attracted to your afro (probs loads more... i swear all the girls i know LOVE afros theyre jokes!) and the girl you do get will be reli good for u
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): okay so I'm not exactly sue what your wanting but I thought I would throw my 2 cents in on the subject as a whole...
basically not all females care what a guy looks like! I'm sure you already know that but it doesn't sound like you believe it. your hair is not "girl repellent". I actually think it's very sexy (not that it matters). I don't know your or anything about you (otherr than the fact that you have fro and your srtuggling with it) but maybe the problem here isn't the way you look or the way your hair is but maybe it's you. I honestly am not trying to be mean and I hope I don't offend you but honestly maybe the girls your personality just doesn't mesh with the girls' your trying to get with. (ironically I know a few musicians that have that problem...) trust me when I say you do not need to change anything about your appreance for the asthetic pleasures of anyone but yourself. If you can be confidant in who you are and the way you look than the right girl will come into your life and care about you, not your looks. I really hope this helps. I have gone through alot of shit with guys because they don't like my "image" and I finally realized that when they're gone all I have left is me and I want to be happy with me. I want to know that I didn't change any part of me for someone else.
Ultimatly it's your desicion but please don't do it because you think it will make girls like you more., if anything do cuz you wanted a change or anything that makes it for you... Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Andy, listen to yourself, you don't want to cut your hair and if you do you will regret it. So don't. You made an interesting statement: "I think a lot of people would hate me if I cut my hair off". This is a worry... It means you believe that people define you by your hair and that without your hair you are not a loveable person? That possibly shows that your self esteem is not what it should be and maybe that is the area that needs work?? If you like and believe in yourself it comes across and other people will be attracted by that. I am sure that your hair will not put any girl off and if it does it just means that she might be a bit on the shallow side/not right for you. You will be much happier with a girl that likes you "hair and all"!
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (15 March 2008):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother point about why keeping my hair seems almost necessary is that, as a musician in a band, it is good to have something that makes you stand out amongst others. In music, it is very hard to get the attention of the people as there is so much competition. My hair just kind of gives my band a little more of that, whereas if my hair was short, there wouldn't be a lot about us which stands out physically.
I'm not trying to justify why I "should" or "should not" keep my hair, because if I were, I guess I would also realize that the only option would be to cut it.
I dunno. It seems like a bit of a tough choice, even though as you all (excluding the anon answer. There was absolutely no need for a lot of the things you said) say "It's just hair".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Yes your hair is like girl repellent. Girls want manly looking men not "unique" men. Do you want a girl who doesn't shave her legs?
Does Richard Simmons look sexy?
I'm sure a lot of people will write and say oh be yourself or whatever, but I speak truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Well, Andy, I think a change would do you good, if that is what you think would help you out in the romance department, try it, it is only hair, it will grow back and change is always good it reenergizes you and makes you feel better about yourself...try it, maybe you haven't seen your face in a while under all that hair!
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