A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Tonight my boyfriends roommate texted me asking if I wanted to go a strip club with them and a few of their friends. He said my boyfriend wouldn't go unless I went too. It was already too late for me, so I said no, but he still wants all of us to make plans to go together.He has been mentioning going to a strip club since the beginning of the year, and I've been dwelling on the idea. I don't really mind if my boyfriend goes, all guys should go at least once just to say they have. I trust him and don't think it would complicate our relationship or anything if he went once or twice with his roommate for fun. Call me naive, but I don’t really think my boyfriend is even that interested in going.The thing is, his roommate really wants me to go with them, and I don't feel comfortable with that at all. I don't think I would like being there to see my boyfriend look at half naked girls. I know he only has eyes for me, but that still wouldn't stop my mind from going crazy. That, and there would be no reason for me to go anyway, I mean if I wanna see a pair of boobs, I'll just look in the mirror.Everyone I've talked to about this has reassured me that it's no big deal, and that I should just do it to say that I have, but does it seem worth it if I'm not exactly excited to try it out?Have any of you gone to a strip club with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it really that big of a deal?Sexually charged environments kind of make me uncomfortable as it is, I squirm through sex scenes in the movies when I'm watching it with other people and whatnot, so I don't think I could handle a strip club. Not to mention, my boyfriend and I haven’t had sex yet, and we’re both pretty shy about it.How can I convince my boyfriends pushy roommate that I'm not interested in going and that they should go without me?
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female
reader, Daisy Doo  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 If you don't want to go who can force you?!
If you tell him you dont mind him going, but you would rather not, i am sure he will understand.If how ever he says he's not going without you, do something else, just the pair of you whatch a movie go to dinner ect. whatever you want to do. x
A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 I agree with Fatherly Advice and Yos on this one. his friends are pushy and arrogant. They want your boyfriend to be immature like they are, they want to push him to go, if you have told your boyfriend he can go without you and he said no, he must not want to go.
I went to a strip club once, it was the worst experience ever. Not exaggerating. It was 3 years ago and i still can't get the disgusting thoughts of the whole atmosphere out of my head.
The men in this club were the most vile human beings i have ever encountered. I was yelled at by an old man because i refused to sit on his lap (and he licked my hand) because he thought i was a stripper! (um hello i was fully clothed)
the strippers were off their heads on coke and disgusting. my opinion of people who frequent these establishments is very, very low.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 Don't let people pressure you into doing things you don't want to do.
You (and your boyfriend) don't want to go to a strip club. So don't go. Either of you. (Your boyfriend not going unless you go is a nice thing for him to say by the way.)
If his roommate really wants to go, he can find some other people to go with him.
Strip clubs are terrible anyway. Seedy, nasty and expensive. Let this pushy guy find someone else to push around.
As for how to convince him... that's easy. Say "we're not going and that's final. Find someone else to go with you". End of conversation.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 March 2010):
 Wrong question, "How can I convince my boyfriends pushy roommate that I'm not interested in going and that they should go without me?" You have been convinced by your peers that something you know in your heart is wrong, is OK, at least for guys. Your heart already knows that the answer is that you need to tell his roommates that neither of you want that particular "experience", that neither of you will be going, ever. Some one has convinced you that every man is week and needs to have this experience if for no other reason, than to be able to say they have done it. Where is the pride or honor of being able to say, "yes, I paid a girl to get naked, or to lap dance me." Why would he pay for a fake relationship, when he is building a real one.
Here is what really happened. His roommates have been pushing him for months to do something that he feels violates his personal moral standards. This kind of relentless pressure is hard to resist. As a defense, he said he wouldn't go, because it would hurt you. So his pushy roommates decided to try to break down that barrier. They feel that his freedom to sin is more important than his freedom to choose not to sin. And, he does see it as a sin, even if you think it is trivial. So the roommate calls you, because the roommate wants your permission, your boyfriend is trusting that you will say not just no, but Hell no! He is saving it for you, even looking at boobs, he is saving for you. There is more strength shown in being faithful, than in being free. I hope you respect him for that. I hope you let him know.
So when his roommate calls you up asking your permission to do something that will hurt your relationship. Back up your man. Tell him no. Then tell him that you had other plans. Then go get him and go out for ice cream, or anything. Get him out of that pressure cooker. You get him through this and he is yours forever. The value of what you are building is worth any effort to keep it unpolluted.
FA
P.S. it is very refreshing to see young people your age in a non sexual relationship. Thanks for being "shy".
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A
female
reader, veronika +, writes (11 March 2010):
 I've never been with a boyfriend, but I've been to strip clubs before - ones with male dancers, and ones with female dancers.
Trust me, if you cannot sit through a sex scene without squirming, you probably don't want to go to a strip club.
You can't really do anything else besides just tell them you don't want to go. Tell them you are not interested and that it would make you highly uncomfortable to do so and to back off with asking. Tell them basically what you've written here.
Personally, I wouldn't go with a partner. It's something I've done with friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010):
Just tell them no i dont want to, I dont feel like it. Simple as that.
If your gut feeling is telling you no, then don't go.
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