A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for a little while now, but she has trouble with her dog loving her... I see that the dog loves her, but she thinks the dog loves me more and dosent love her at all. Recently I have been accused of stealing her dog away from her and is actually quite upset about it, when she was fussing the dog, I thought that I could also come and fuss the dog from behind aswell, however this is now illegal and I have been issued with an ultimatum! If I keep stealing the dogs love it is a deal breaker. This is not my intention! I have said that the dog has its own mind and we can't know what it is thinking when it comes to me first when we come in through the door and gets more excited for me. I can make the dog go to her first or make it want to cuddle up to her more, I can see it upsets her and she loves that dog to bits, but I cannot control it or tell it that because my girlfriend is the owner the dog should show her the most attention. I am now getting scared to come round to her house and spend time with her and her dog because I might get dumped through no fault of my own because the dog prefers to sit with me. I try and orientate our dates around taking the dog for a walk and involve it as much here as possible because she feels like she dosent get enough time with it due to working shift for 9 days straight before getting a couple of days off... She works for 7 hours so she gets a short amount of time in the evenings or the mornings with the dog depending on late or early shift. My girlfriend used to work 12 hour days for 4 days in a row then get 4 days off and I think the change in shift pattern makes her feel like she has less time even though she gets the same amount of time off, just spread more evenly! When challenged she says that mornings off are spend getting ready for work or evenings are spent unwinding so not much time for herself or the dog. The fact that she lives at her parents with her dog also dosent help because the dog spends all day with her retired parents and she says she does not want to compete for attention with me, and her parents. Maybe I'm already dumped for the dog? I feel bad that she feels this way about it as she loves that the dog likes me out of all the people she has dated so far... The dog even hated the man that she bought the dog with previously. I guess she is used to getting 100% of the attention from the dog before I came along? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (8 January 2017):
 Barking mad she is. What happens if you ended up having kids and your son or daughter makes you out to be their hero instead of her- divorce you? This is over the top ridiculous
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017): Gosh! What a situation. I have a dog I love to bits. And you know what my biggest concern is? Whether my future bf/spouse will love my dog or not. She's being too pessimistic if you ask me. The brighter side is that her dog loves you and you love him too! He obeys you means that now she can count on you to share the responsibility.
Dogs love us unconditionally and multiply the love a hundred folds. How hasn't she learnt this being with a dog?
You need to let her know somehow that loving her dog is an action that you're doing because you love her. After all, if it is only a dog's love that you want, why would you be with miss.fussalot? You would adopt or get a dog of your own.
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female
reader, Nittynora +, writes (7 January 2017):
 "Like I see its" BRILLIANT answer has said everything I wanted to say ESPECIALLY the bit about if you had children together. I love animals I really do but to be honest I have no patience with some of these "wacko" animal lovers. I think her behaviour is quite worrying, what if anything ever happened to that dog, god forbid, how would she handle it.
She needs something else in her life, and she needs to build up her relationships with humans too. Animals are more faithful and have more beautiful souls than humans I know, but she needs to give and take and not expect to be the centre of attention. In fact I would dump her and run off with the dog (JOKE) x
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (7 January 2017):
 "Stealing the dog's love"... oh dear. Your girlfriend seems completely out of touch with reality, and I say this as someone who also happens to own a dog with my partner. It does not bother me in the slightest that our dog "prefers" my partner most of the time. He is home much more frequently and we both are able to enjoy spending time with our dog even though my partner is her "favorite." Why? Because love and possessiveness are NOT the same thing.
Clearly it isn't just you she sees as a threat, as you also mention she views her own parents as competition. And I have a feeling she only tolerates this competition from them because they provide a roof over her head and act as caregivers for the dog while she is at work, a service she would have to pay for otherwise.
I think this is a pretty strong indicator that your girlfriend is a possessive person by nature and tends to want things her way or not at all (i.e., the dog can't simply love you both; it must love her MORE or she will throw away the entire relationship over this). And I can see this being a problem for you in more ways than one if your relationship were to progress. Suppose you get serious with this girl - will you be allowed to have or see any of your own friends or will your girlfriend throw a fit because you having friends would mean she is not the center of your attention at all times? I mean, she expects that behavior from a pet that has zero understanding of human relationships, so why wouldn't she apply a similarly strict standard to you?
Now imagine hypothetical parenthood with someone like this. Yikes. She won't be able to control a child's preferences any more than she is able to control a dog's. Heaven help you if your kid(s) decided Dad is the nice parent.
Anyway, no reason to stick around walking on eggshells waiting for your romantic partner to dump you over a dog's social preferences. In your shoes I'd let this one go and hold out for a partner with a slightly better grasp on reality.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2017): Hi
This is a bit weird isn't it? Sounds to me as if she loves the dog more than she loves you.
If I were you I would continue to go out with your girlfriend and just let the dog go to who it wants to go to and stop trying to control the situation. If you DO get more attention and love from the dog and she really get annoyed and angry at you, then I would consider this relationship had run its course.
It's not really normal is it? I adore dogs, don't get me wrong, but for your girlfriend to think that she should try to control where her dog's affections lie, and to get annoyed with you when it doesn't do as she wants, rings a bit of an alarm bell for me. She sounds a little crazy.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 January 2017):
 Just talk about it openly. If she doesn't spend more time with the dog, it will prefer others. If she can't accept that, she will struggle in life. I'm a lonely person, so my bond with my dog is strong, but I like that my boyfriend plays with him and that my dog is happy with him.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 January 2017):
 I read your post and my heart fell lower and lower. What on earth is wrong with your girlfriend that she feels she has to compete for her dog's affection and attention? Surely she should be happy that her dog has someone else in its life that it loves?
As a dog lover, having had many dogs over the years and currently owning 3 ranging in ages from 18 months to 16 years, I can tell you categorically that you are right when you say dogs have minds of their own. One of my dogs adores me and hardly leaves my side. One of them adores my partner and "stalks" him everywhere. If I am sitting on the settee, she is not interested in getting on but, if he is there, she wants nothing but to sit next to him. The third one is equally happy with either or both of us. All the dogs get the same amount of time spent with them by me and my partner but all have their own preferences regarding who they want to be with.
If you girlfriend is so insecure about her dog (to me it sounds like she may be feeling guilty about not spending enough time with it and is taking it out on you), what would she be like if you had a child and the child said "dada" first?
It sounds like she does not know what she wants. On the one hand she is happy that the dog doesn't dislike you, but it is only allowed to like you less than her? She needs to grow up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2017): Mate if she feels this insecure with her dog..she will probably be doing you a favour if she did dump you
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