A
male
age
30-35,
*lwayswondering
writes:Hello! I have two questions and I will try to keep them brief:1. Most people who fall in love seem to be unaware they have feelings for the other person. However, with me, I over analyze things to death. Is there a way to stop thinking all the time? (I know this may sound like stupid question). 2. I recently left a town which had a girl I was madly in love with. She broke up with her bf a few months before I left. (I told her how I felt and told her I didn't expect her to feel the same way because she broke up a few months earlier). I felt compelled to tell her for some reason.... But now I'm in a new city, new university, and I'm wondering if I made the right choice. I often wonder if I waited long enough "what could've been". On the one hand, I need to figure out what I want to do. Has anyone been here? Comments?
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male
reader, Alwayswondering +, writes (7 December 2011):
Alwayswondering is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. I agree, I overthink. But idk how to stop it.
I kind of want to go back and see her. But then she will know I just came back to see her, even if I don't tell her. Plus, I don't think I can do because next year would be my thesis. Her and I here are in contact, although not as often as before (understandable).
I think part of the problem, is that I have too high of standards. Like, most of the girls I meet, are party animals. And i tell myself, "don't judge, give her a chance". Usually though, all they can talk about it drunk stories, which I don't drink. Also, our interests are usually different. I guess I'm too serious. I don't want a fling. I want to date someone who I will be with for a long time. So perhaps because I look for these types of qualities? Seems all the people I meet (both gender) prefer to go to bars, where I prefer to just hangout with a few friends or stay at home.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (4 December 2011):
 Hi alwayswondering,
Over thinking is a quality, means you are a responsible person. However, for everything in life, needs to have limitations. If you over due anything in life, or over think will only make you too exhausted.
You might miss opportunities in life, miss out meeting potential relationships, etc. Stop wondering all the time. Life is about taking changes. Life is hard, and it's your job to make it a little bit easier on you. Try to understand that it's ok to make mistakes, and not everything needs to be perfect. It's good to try your best, be the best you can be, but I think you are pressuring yourself too much... You expect too much of yourself, so therefore you expect too much in others.
Just know that you have one chance in life, and it passes you so quickly. Don't live with regrets. No matter how much you wonder, eventually you will make a mistake, and if you do make a mistake, learn from it... It will only make you stronger, and wiser.
Instead of putting so much energy wondering, enjoy life, enjoy your family, your university, your new city, your friends. Like I said before, there's nothing wrong with you, it's your personality, but give yourself a break.. As for the girl you left? What do you want to do? If she's single, if you want to contact her again, I will encourage you to do so....
Always do what makes you happy.
Good luck/best wishes
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