A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend and i have been having sex for some time now, we have done it 15+ times now and i haven't came once by our estimations i could go for over 3 hours. i have no trouble becoming aroused and her performance not a problem either. i have no trouble finishing within a few minutes when its just me and when she even tries oral or using her hands for the job her arms become tired and she makes me go myself to the point where I'm about to finish and then she finishes for me. at this point there has been " a lot of pressure " built up. so bad as i have to cover it, if not i fear i may have the ability to shoot myself in the face. we are extremely curious as to what the problem is and wether there is a need for a solution. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (24 July 2010):
Well you are missing out not orgasming into her vagina so it needs dealing with.
Prob is you are now in a mindset where you can't enjoy the actual thrusting in and out because you are obsessed with being able to spurt your load at the end of it.
How long do you go between lovemaking sessions ?
Do you masturbate in the meanwhile ?
A first suggestion would be to plan for intercourse on a particular evening say three or four days ahead. In the interving days DON'T meet up at all and DON'T masturbate.
Take cold showers or whatever to force yourself to stop jerking off....
After that time your balls will be bursting to empty themselves into her.
Once you've managed it one time the fear will disappear and you'll know you can do it again - like riding a bike without the stabilizers.
Do you have totally safe places to do it in ? Ie where you are sure no-one is going to walk in on you ? If not that could be a big factor.
Try the forced 3 day abstinence plan anyway and report back on yr findings. Remember - no cheating : ie NO jerking off during those 3 days / nights , hard as it is to do !
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): I had this problem at your age. THe first 3 girls I had sex with between the ages of 16 and 20, I NEVER came. Not even once. Not even with oral or a handjob. Like you, I could masturbate and cum on command, but with girls, no way. I realize now I was just too nervous and focusing too much on their pleasure and making sure I sounded sexy and had teh moves. Made for great sex for them though, so all was OK. Maybe they moved on and thought it was wierd I never came, but oh well. What got me over this problem was to focus, get in the moment, and OK, thought about some hot porn scene. The thought put me over teh edge, and I had my first orgasm with a woman! I was on cloud nine for a week, and well, I married her. You will find a way. But dont obsess over it because the performance anxiety will set in and screw you up in the hardon department, and you dont want that. Just remember that a guys orgasms are usually not all that important to most women. They just want to know they pleased you. So reasuure her that she did please you thoroughly. Give her examples why. If you convince her, she wont care about you cumming, and it will all go uphill from there. Good luck chap!
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (24 July 2010):
 don't worry it's within the realms of normal. I get a bit like this sometimes. It's a matter of mind over matter. You can make yourself come and it's time to hand the job over to someone else. Get yourself into the frame of mind and let it happen. It's much more rewarding and makes you feel and her feel like you've done something together.
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