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Ugly duckling

Tagged as: Big Questions, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 September 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 September 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *irabelle writes:

heyy well im 13 gunna be 14 years old and well i feel sooo ugly. ive always been the "ugly duckling" i was always teased about my hair and weight.. my friends say im ugly and wen my family say im pretty i think theyre on sumthing.. i fear i will never get a bf.. wenever guys look at me thee say eww.. wenever my friends suggest me to a guy they say eww no way shes ugly as fuck.. another thing.. i supposedly have this awsumm personality but it feels like guys dont ever give me a chance cuz they think im ugly.. i get so depressed wen i see myself.. im crying as im writing this. well.. will i ever be beautiful and find the guy for me?

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (28 September 2010):

k_c100 agony auntI think all girls go through an "ugly duckling" phase in their teens, so you really are not alone in this!

Let me tell you my story:

When I was very young (from the age of 4 up to about 10) I was very pretty, a happy little girl and my mum always used to laugh because I would have a different boyfriend every week at school!

Then puberty hit and bang - it did not do me any favours! From the age of 11 until about 16 I was bullied pretty badly by a group of boys who would call me names, saying I was the ugliest girl they had ever seen, that I looked like a man, that I had a moustache, that I was fat.....you name it, they said it. The girls never were mean to me, it was just the boys and I really did believe what they said - I thought I was the ugliest girl in the world and would never ever have a boyfriend.

And looking back, I wasnt ugly, but I was awkward looking and had not grown into my shape or skin yet. This was in the time before hair straighteners (oh the horror!) and I had terrible frizzy hair, I was a bit chubby and spotty. I was just a normal teenager really, but I didnt look "normal" to the boys therefore they picked on me day in, day out for years.

I used to look at all the popular girls who had boys falling at their feet and wished I could look like them, they were all shiny hair, slim figures and beautiful skin.

And here is the best bit - now I am 23 and (trying not to sound arrogant or big-headed) but I can pretty much have my pick of the boys! When I was 16/17 I really blossomed so to speak, the ugly ducking became a swan and by the age of 18/19 I had the boys falling at my feet like I always wanted! I finally got hair straighteners and learnt how to make my hair look good, I got acne treatment from the doctors, my figure became more evened out so instead of looking chubby I had gorgeous womanly curves.

And the best part of it all, is that now I see these popular girls from school, and they look terrible! They hit their peak at school, and it has gone downhill for them ever since. They now look old, tired, washed up and nothing special.

So it really is my belief that a lot of teenagers have an ugly duckling phase, when you are still growing a lot and changing shape. But give it a few years and you will become a swan, and you really will be beautiful and have any boy you like. Yes it is rubbish waiting, I know you want a boyfriend now and it will be tough but at least you know deep down that one day you will look the way you want to, and all these pretty girls you see in your school now will look rubbish and you will look amazing!

Let puberty run its course, your teenage years are awkward transitional times and it will be hard for you. But it will get better, I promise! And you will have the last laugh, when you are gorgeous in your late teens/20's, all the pretty girls will just be average by then and wont look like anything special!

Be strong, you are better than all the boys cruel words, boys at your age are just idiots that really have no idea what they are doing apart from trying to look "cool" in front of their mates. You will be the one turning them down in a few years time, always try and keep that in mind!

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A male reader, Ignacio ramos United States +, writes (28 September 2010):

God made you for who you are an angel never say that your ugly becuse your not

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (28 September 2010):

SirenaBlusera agony auntGuys your age can be real assholes! Your family cares about you; they wouldn't lie to you. Your true friends and your family are the people who matter.

A positive environment like a church youth group can hep too.

Looks are important and everyone needs to feel beautiful but what's more important is talent, along with intelligence. I was not particularly attractive as a kid but when I discovered my passion for the guitar, my life changed. I was so lost in my love for music that I forgot about myself and, paradoxically, that's when I was admired and stood out for the crowd for the first time.

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A female reader, wee_neko United States +, writes (28 September 2010):

If your friends say you're ugly, you need to sneak some laxatives into their drinks or something. That is not cool by any means.

Believe your family members. Ignore dumbass guys your age. Dump any friends who are calling you ugly.

If you still want to change the way you look, then start working out, try to eat healthier (maybe ask your family for help with it so they shop for healthier foods). At that age it's usually pretty easy to lose weight. Do it healthy like though, no anorexia/bulimia. Tell yourself in the mirror that you are beautiful and BELIEVE IT.

When I was 13 I felt like chubby loser all the time. Eventually you grow, lose your baby fat, get all zitty (and grow out of that too) and blossom (not to sound like a cliche).

Feel better :)

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