A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This past year, I was in an abusive relationship you could say. I liked him for some reason, and so my friend set us up. Well, nobody at my school approved and I couldn't understand why. Until...well, apparently he'd had a reputation for sexually abusing girlfriends. And I was next? Whenever we'd go to the movies, he'd sit way too close. Hold me way way uncomfortably tight. He'd smell my hair and my face when I wasn't looking. This was the first week of our relationship. He was too intense, too much. I felt overwhelmed. And I went in to kiss him gently once, but the next thing I know we were making out. I'd never made out with anyone before and I didn't like it at all. The image that came to mind was a black hole. A big, gaping black hole. And I tried really really hard to pull away, but he wouldn't let me the first time. The second time though, he did. I hated it.Then, after taking a month of this...I dumped him. But he was manipulative and intimidating and somehow managed to make me feel so guilty that I went out with him again. I don't know why. I was so so stupid. But he made me feel so stupid too. And I still feel stupid. I finally broke out of the relationship six months ago. But then he wouldn't leave me alone. He kept trying to talk to me forever until finally I just freaked out at him and he doesn't ever try to talk to me again.It was six months ago. And I'm still not over the way he made me feel. And that is so not a good thing. He made me feel stupid. Stupid for ever going out with him in the first place, stupid for kissing him, stupid for wanting to come back to him. Just stupid.I just want to be loved. He didn't care for me at all. He just wanted me as some...some sex machine. I don't even know. I feel like nobody wants me. My boyfriend before him had lied to me telling me that he loved me and giving me all these poems...poems that he reused on other girls after and before me. And then came that sexual abuser. I feel so stupid, like it's my fault that I keep getting hurt. Is it? =[
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Is it your fault? Nope. I don't think you're stupid either. I call this experience. You don't know if the water is hot or cold, until you step into it. You don't have much dating experience. With your ex's you will start developing a sense of who you want to be around and who you don't.
Once part I found troubling was you saying "I just want to be loved." What's going on that makes this such a requirement? This tells me you don't feel as good about yourself as you should. Build yourself up before dating. That will help you to weed out the guys that just want to make out.
Remember too, your body is yours. You have the right to set your limit of how far you're willing to go. No one else should make that choice but you.
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