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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:modnote: OP - People will ask so please advise in followup why you cannot obtain Birth Control in US?? Hi all, and Happy New Year!So I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months now... we're pretty much a couple even though there isn't any official title. Anyways, our relationship has been pretty physical from the very start; I'm still a virgin but we've basically done everything else. But there's more to it than the physical though... I've come to really like him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way.The last time we were making out it got pretty intense, and he was like "the last day you'll be a virgin will be your birthday, so get ready". I'm turning 21 in a week!On the one hand, I think I want to go through with it because 1) I really like him 2) He's already a lot of firsts for me, he even broke my hymen already in other ways lol 3) He knows what he's doing. I've never felt any pain or discomfort with him, just pleasure 4) It's my 21st birthday! wayy to make it memorable, right?But I'm also reluctant because... to be honest, I like being a virgin lol. makes me feel a bit special (but then again, technically I'm not one anymore :/). Also, I don't want to have to worry about getting pregnant and all that. If this happens, then of course it'll be a regular thing, and I can't get any form of birth control. I know there's always condoms but condoms fail too :/and sex makes things complicated- at least, that's what I heard. Even though I seriously doubt it, what if this guy is really up to no good? what if he ends up breaking my heart or something? I feel like it'll be harder to move on cuz he's my first.Anyways, what do you think? sorry for the long essay :)
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condom, hymen, move on, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers :) something came up and it looks like i wont be losing my virginity after all...
He did say that he wasn't trying to get involved at first, since he just got out of a relationship... but now he's really caring for me... and i'm the "woman in his life". so while we're still not quite official, at least i know i'm not in this alone :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2013): you are in every position to get contraception if you are considering having sex.... end of !!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Whenever there is the question of whether or not to lose one's virginity then the answer is no don't do it. When the time is truly right you will no have any doubts.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 January 2013):
 If a guy truly cares about you and loves you then he will always wait.
This guy could not even wait two months. I think potentially he is bad news.
His sweet words are mush. Look at his actions.
He has not made you official.
He has continually tried to push the boundaries.
And He has decreed what day you will lose your virginity.
I think he is disrespectful.
Try saying NO to him and see how sweet and cute he remains after a NO or a few NOs.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 January 2013):
I guess the title had contraception in it earlier as that really is what you think about first. Before you think about losing your virginity.
And you have to be on the Contraceptive pill for a WHOLE ONE MONTH - some say not. But why chance it? I think it is safer to go a whole cycle on the Pill before you can regard it as safe.
I think this guy is pushing you way too fast and too hard to lose your virginity.
And a Baby while you are an overseas student would really mess things up and you know it.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 OP, I'm sure you already know this but the contraceptive pill doesn't protect against STIs and I get the feeling this boy has a sexual history. You might want to consider using condoms as well as the pill, unless he's happy to go and be screened before you have sex.
This is all quite a lot to consider and arrange, so PLEASE don't feel pressured to stick to HIS suggestion of doing this on your birthday next week!
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 My response focuses on these two statements that you've made:
1. "I've come to really like him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way." and,
2. "..what if this guy is really up to no good? what if he ends up breaking my heart or something?"
When the first one becomes: "...I KNOW he feels the same way...." THEN you will KNOW if he ".... is really up to no good... (or not)"....
Let that be your guide.....
Good luck....
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Abella, oh I didn't know that! thank you, i'll look into it (if I do go through with this, that is)
Thanks CindyCares, your reply made me laugh! I will be a smart "lamb" :)
... Never said I couldn't afford birth control...
Is there a way to edit the title of the post? cuz birth control isn't really what I'm asking, even though I appreciate all the answers :) I just wanted opinions on the whole losing my virginity bit.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 January 2013):
You may have already inquired with your University and they may not offer the service.
Or perhaps your University does allow access to their free service and you were not aware of this fact.
Because some US Universities do make provision for their students - including international students - to allow them to access contraception.
This is logical and makes sense.
Here is what happens in one University in Oregon. I have Quoted directly from their web site below:
http://studenthealth.oregonstate.edu/ccare
"Where Can I Go for My Contraceptives If I Am Not Eligible for CCare?
As an OSU student who has paid student fees for the current term, you can still access contraceptive services at Student Health. There is no charge for most visits. Labs, X rays, and prescriptions can be billed to your student account."
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Honey, let him worry about what's healthy for him, if you are smart you'll only worry about,, and go for, what's healthy for YOU. You really have to make up your mind what your expectations are from this relationship, or non-yet-relationship.
You can risk that it does not take off and stays casual , only if you REALLY do not mind, if you are really so Zen that you can honestly say, hey it can go either way and I am fine with whatever ( rarely women manage to be so Zen-like: ).
If you find yourself apprehensive, and thinking in terms, as you are doing, of " being fattened for the slaughter " , then no, no and NO ! I've never heard of a sacrificial lamb who voluntary offers its throat to the knife :)( with all that lambs are stupid animals. Please be smarter than a lamb ). But most of all, whatever happens, be a lamb on birh control !
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers :) I know from the post it seems like all he only wants sex and all but there really is more to it. He just got out of a long term relationship not so long ago, and I feel like it's not healthy for him to jump right into another one (I guess I don't want to be the rebound; but then again I guess I already am :/). Anyways, he's over his ex... or at least he strongly believes it, and I'm not too worried because she's thousands of miles away (he moved here shortly after the break-up).2 months isn't a lot of time, I know... but it feels like so much longer because we're together almost everyday, and when we're not we're constantly in touch. But I'm not so blinded that I don't acknowledge the possibility that he just might be fattening me up for the slaughter. All his sweet words and actions might be a front for him to get deeper in my pants.I DO plan on talking to him about it in person later today, so I'll keep you updated.Also, thanks for the birth control advice. I'll def look into it.
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reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Here's something you might want to consider right now.If you say you can't afford birth control, don't have sex. Period!Because if you can't afford the 30 dollars a month for birth control, you certainly cannot afford the 300+ a month that a baby will cost you.Chose what you spend your money on wisely. If you have sex with him and get pregnant after only knowing him for two months, do you REALLY think he's going to marry you, love you and stick around for the rest of you and your child's life?If you're so horny that you can't think straight, I strongly suggest you masturbate...frequently. It'll take the edge off and allow your brain to stop swimming in estrogen for long enough to sort your life out.If you go ahead and decide you're going to sleep with him, consider your original reluctance and be ready to accept the consequences of your actions if in the future it goes to hell and you end up regretting it. Open your eyes and look HARD at your options. It'll be hard to be adult and critical of yourself, but if you don't want to end up regretting this for years down the road, YOU. HAVE. TO.Since you have access to the internet, you'll be able to google search planned parenthood or a "health clinic" in your city. Go to one or both of those places and figure out your birth control options.Do it tomorrow.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 January 2013):
If you take birth control pills, for instance, the monthly cost won't ruin you, even if you are an impecunious student, I think it's something around 25 -30 dollars a month. ( Think how much will cost, if you have to get an abortion or raise a child ! save on something else and buy your pills ). You need to see a doctor to get a prescription for pills, and you'll have to pay for the visit, or if there's any exam he prescribes, and that 's more expensive.
Check with a Planned Parenthood clinic, they provide free reproductive health services. Actually, officially it is for US citizens and legal residents ... but I think they'd turn a blind eye and help you anyway. Or, at least, they can provide you referrals for other pro bono ( free , or sliding scale fee ) women's health clinics or organizations.
Or, actually, there's a very simple solution. Fix and appointment with an OB/GYN, and have YOUR GUY pay. Why not ? He wants to have sex with you- but I suppose he does not want to get you pregnant. If you are unable to afford the costs of birth control, it is in HIS INTEREST to help you with that. I bet he does not want to be slapped up with child support payments for the next 18 years.
If he balks at the idea- run. It means that he is not that interested in YOU, he just wanted free, easy sex, and is not going to inconvenience himself evem minimally to have it. It means that he does not care at all about you, and about what could happen to you- and probably it means he is cheap too :)
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reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (1 January 2013):
OP thanks for the follow up. There must be a way for international students to have access to health care. It's your responsibility to find out. Not just for the birth control issue, but in case you need any other health care. Is there someone at your college/ university who deals with international students who could advise?
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 January 2013):
This guy is up to no good, if we want to call " no good " his desire for casual sex , with no formal relationship.
Do YOU call it no good ? ... meaning, it's evident that this guy wants to keep things fun, physical and non -relationshipy, which is not a crime... as long as you are OK with it. Are you ? Can you handle an FWB ? I doubt it. If you are afraid that your emotions will be involved and you'll get attached ,... that's probably just what will happen. The very fact that you are afraid of the possibility of ending up heartbroken should advise you not to risk. Casual things only work if BOTH parties are certain they will keep things purely recreational and nobody will get hurt. If you have to wonder " will I be able to do that ? " , then the answer is , most probably you will not.
As for the contracception issue, yes you are right to take it seriously, it 's true that some times condoms let you down, if you are going to have sex you definitely SHOULD be on birth control. Why you can't get any form of birth control, as the mod says, actually is a bit mysterious, so if you'll want to satisfy our curiosity:), we'll appreciate.
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reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (1 January 2013):
There are two important things you need to do before you have intercourse with this boy.
Firstly, you need to establish whether or not you are a couple. Talk to him. Not when you're in the bedroom or anywhere else getting hot and heavy. Talk to him when you're both clear headed. If he sees this as a casual arrangement, you might want to think twice about losing your virginity to him.
Secondly, you must sort out this issue with birth control. It's freely available to women in most parts of the world including the USA. Condoms can fail especially if not worn correctly, but it's certainly better to use them than not. I think you should go to a family planning centre or your doctor and have a talk.
And lastly just to echo what Abella has said, you should determine when you take this next step, not him. Think about it carefully, and please don't do anything until you've talked to him and sorted out contraception.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 January 2013):
Two months and he has not even felt moved to make you an official couple?
Yet he's continually explored your body and even TOLD you when he wil be going all the way?
Of course he is up to no good.
He's had one aim right from the start and that is to prime you towards his goal of sex. Two months is just the start of getting to know each other as people.
He will start to lose interest once his lust has been satisfied.
Do you have the strength to tell him to back off?
Do you have the strength to tell him to think about accepting and recognizing the relationship as official BEFORE he gets what he wants.
You are quite correct to be reluctant because your GUT is telling your something. Your INSTINCTS have started to kick in. Your womanly INTUITION and RADAR has become operational.
So now is the time to value you more highly.
Of course he should be showing you more respect. You are not his sex toy to use at will.
Of course he should be taking you on dates and introducing you as His Official Girl friend to his family and friends.
And do not listen to his arguments that because you allowed A and B and C yesterday that you are then obligated to offer him A and B and C any time he wants it.
You Can say NO any time you want.
He cannot dictate to you what is acceptable.
He is in this for what he wants to get out of it and so far the answer seems to be sex, sex, sex and more sex.
Sex is not just intercourse. It is many more things than that. And so far he has been sampling those many many more things.
A woman determines how a relationship will progress. And the level of respect she is given. You'd be surprised to see how much more respect you get when you have the strength to negotiate the best outcomes for you. The longer you take to date a guy and learn more about him, his values, attitudes, aspirations, good and bad points and how he behaves with his family and friends, before you take the relationship to the next level, then the stronger your relationship will become.
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reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (1 January 2013):
You're legally an adult if you're 21 and have absolutely ZERO issue getting birth control unless you aren't really 21.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo clarify... it's not that I can't get birth control, I'm currently not in a position to... I'm an international student and I have no insurance etc. not quite sure how the whole process works tbh
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