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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: How much porn use is too much?I am a 19 year old virgin and am single. I have only one ex where I did not use any porn for most of the relationship until the end when we broke up over distance issues (college). It's been about 5 months since our breakup. We had done everything besides actual intercourse. She's the only girl I've ever been intimate with. Nowadays, I masturbate to porn 1-3 times a day. I don't know if this is too much or not. Recently, I've secretly been really down on my confidence and self-image with girls. I hear so much about porn being terrible for you, causing E.D. and other problems. Right now, Porn is the only thing that is keeping me sexually OK (not satisfied) because I have had little success with women and don't feel that can change anytime soon. Should I quit porn, and if I should how, or is what I'm doing ok?
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broke up, confidence, porn Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 Listen... I bet there are oodles of guys on this site who could tell you this:
If we (all) had a nickel for every time we put ourselves down for "lack of success with females".... we would constitute a rich contingent of men-of-the-world, somewhat akin to the "Forbes" magazine list of the 400 richest men in the world....
Buck up!!!! You're doing fine.....
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 January 2013):
Feeling like a loser is common for guys before they are with a girl for the first time. You're not old to be a virgin, you just have to be willing to leave your comfort zone and ask a girl out. Don't let rejection hurt you, because if you aren't getting rejected you're not trying hard enough!
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male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 I think this is a good thing and well done. In response to your question I think breaking the addiction is the first step - the next step is dealing with the underlying self-esteem, confidence issues that led to it. This is the tricky part, it involves finding out what is at the root of all this, and it is something that started before your ex even happened. You probably need counselling for this part - youv'e taken the first step, now start your journey down the road, good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been abstaining from porn, not masturbation for 5days now. I feel like I have more energy slightly but I feel highly emotional and constantly put myself down for lack of success with females. Is that normal?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (8 January 2013):
Like anything that provides short term reward, porn can be addictive. Just by asking "how much" tells me you are going down that path. Just stop watching it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Take it from someone who knows: stop watching it. Some may tell you it's harmless now, but if you're not careful you will find that you become addicted. That happened to me, and I am fighting the addiction. Like you, I've had confidence issues with women. But one day, you'll wake up and realize a lot of time has passed, and that is time you WON'T get back. This is a lonely path, and trust me, you don't want to go down it. Don't make the same mistake that I made. You'll hate yourself, get angry, and isolate yourself from everyone around you. Fantasies can be addicting, and I thought I could replace real relationships with a female with porn and masturbation (another addiction I have). I was wrong. Things will work out for you, and after a few days off the porn, you'll feel great and relaxed. Just give it time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Yes, use your imagination. I'm sure your mind can come with all sorts of wonderful scenarios, and then porn will just be a fading memory. You'll wonder why you ever used it to start with.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 January 2013):
Of course it's feasible. If you do watch porn don't focus on having an orgasm as fast as possible. But, using your imagination is better for sure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so yesterday i did not use porn at all. At certain times during the day it felt like I needed to do it but I lasted. I am trying to limit myself to once a week and even then to my imagination, not porn. Does this sound feasible?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): 3 times a day every day does seem excessive. But so would once a day if you were spending a long time with it.
If you're using it so much you might get into the habit of thinking that is what real sex should look like and will be unable to be satisfied with any real woman. Its sort of like when women get too into romance novels and consumed by them and start to compare every guy to the romance hero and no guy measures up to the fantasy so their relationships don't last.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): I'd start getting anxious if I was filling my head with porn up to three times a day. Seriously.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): I don't understand why my ex boyfriend did not share the same view as the OP he had good views on everything, he let himself down immensly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): I think you're okay to use it since you're single, but I would recommend cutting back to just once a day. Any more than that, and you risk becoming addicted. Then you won't be able to give it up once you're in a relationship. I don't know if you're aware of this, but lot of women would really appreciate you not using it while with them, and I think it's great that you didn't use it in your last relationship. That shows you really don't want to use it, you just see it as a "fall back crutch" while single.
Also, a man who has no real desire to look at porn is a man I searched a very long time for. I was lucky enough to find one, but many women aren't.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): There is a chance when you do get a woman they will expect you to stop using porn. It gives me hope that you didn't use it when you had a relationship, there's hope for us all.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 January 2013):
You know, I went through dry spells and depended on porn to keep me sane and I've never had issues because of it, but it certainly happens to many people.
You might need to stop watching it so you can force yourself to get out there and meet someone. You don't want to be just satisfied enough that you don't have to leave your comfort zone and meet a woman.
Don't be afraid. You're "putting the pussy on a pedestal."
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2013):
There's a whole spectrum of how much porn is too much....
For a Catholic priest, a patch of bare skin might be outside the realm of acceptable.... For a well-hung porn star, he might be involved with porn every day, and see it as simply a routine part of life....
What YOU've described about yourself IS a bit concerworthy, in my opinion.... but ONLY because you seem to be making porn such a REALISTIC part of your life that it may be interfering with your view of what life is really all about....
I'd suggest that you reduce or eliminate the porn component of your life for a self-agreed-upon period of time.... find some OTHER substitute (or go without porn)... and see how you - and your head - react....
This has nothing to do with your masturbating... EXCEPT to have you consider other (or, no) stimuli leading to it...
Good luck.....
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male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (1 January 2013):
In your case id probably say yes because its clearly becoming an emotional crutch and therefore your in clear danger of eventually becoming an addict. Its becoming a substitute for and device to delay dealing with the real issues you have with self-confidence and in the long-term id say it will become a barrier to you forming real relationships.
I say this not because the amount of times your using it, there is no such thing as 'too much' or 'too little' but because of the role it plays in your life and notice I used the word 'using' as if it were a narcotic, that was deliberate because I believe that is the role its playing in your life.
Your bound to be a little heartbroken, a little low on confidence right now, following your break-up but dont make that into a bigger issue than it is and let it swallow your whole life up. This is not to say what your doing is wrong per se, your single, you have urges and desires etc etc and you need to stop beating yourself up about things but I think you need to quit this at this moment. As to how, I am going to suggest you try and explore your own fantasies more, rather than passively imbibing those of others, write about them if it helps, use them to get the satisfaction you need, explore your own feelings and satisfy yourself with them.
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