A
female
age
30-35,
*osettep
writes:Okay so this may take a while. I am 18 years old and I have two guys who I have a lot of feelings for and at the moment I need to decide on one because I do not want to hurt them and date both at the same time. My first guy, (I will call him sprite)has been my first love since I was 16. We been together for a 1 1/2 until I broke up with him because he was too busy with college. Sprite now is a 19 year old studying biology to go to med school and become a doctor.We tried getting back together once but it did not work out because we tend to have the same arguments. I hadn't spoke to Sprite for a couple of months and then I met another man. This man (Fanta) is 25 who still goes to community college and is jobless. Why do I have feelings for him? Because he has done so many sweet things for me that Sprite never done. We are dating for almost two months and I have a lot of love for him. Unfortunately, Sprite started to talk to me again. After a couple of messages, he told me that he still loves me and wants to hang out. So far we hanged out; we kissed and had sex twice. When I am with Sprite I get those feelings I had when I dated him so now I falling under his spell.I never told Fanta about Sprite so I feel super super guilty. My parents hate Fanta because of his age and that he is not in 'my level.' But he buys me flowers, he buys me presents, he calls me every day, etc. Sprite has a good future ahead of him but he sometimes gets too busy and doesn't show alot of affection compared to Fanta. So far the recent times I spent time with Sprite, we have sex. I made up my mind that I need to make a decision as soon as possible with who is right for me. If I made my decision, how can I tell the other guy that I cannot talk to him anymore without hurting him and myself? I am sorry with the confusion of sodas but I hope you all understand the situation.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 I don't think it is right to continue to see the two of them, because as you said yourself someone will end up getting hurt including yourself. Therefore I think it is time you asked yourself which one you want and let the other one down gently. After reading your post and trying to put myself in your situation I can totally see why you are torn between the two of them. Fanta is treating you really well and sounds like he likes you and is trying his best to flatter you, but also where Sprite is concerned you both share a history there for old feelings are going to return, especially when you are having sex with him. In my opinion I think you should give Fanta a chance. As you said yourself you and Sprite have split up a few times in the past over the same arguments, what makes you think that this time is going to be any different? Sometimes it is better to leave the past where it belongs even if there is still feelings between the both of you, the chances are that the same problems will come up again and you won't be together for those reasons. Personally I feel you should tell Sprite that you and him are better of as friends and tell him you are seeing someone else and you are wanting to give him a chance.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 October 2011):
Hi there. Is there really a need right now, for a decision?
The guy studying medicine is already fairly unavailable because of his studies, and will inevitably become a lot more unavailable because of work commitments, once he has graduated as a doctor.
He might start doing different shifts as a new intern at a hospital, so that could change things dramatically for both of you.
No doubt it could be rather lonely for you. You might get pretty tired of it the longer it continues.
The second guy on the other hand is studying at college, does say nice things to you which makes you happy in his company.
Each has different qualities, so they can't really be compared with each other. And to do so, is unrealistic.
What it really comes down to, is who makes you feel happier when you are with them? You need to be completely honest when you answer this question.
And your decision will also be influenced by what the second man is studying at college. Whether it's a profession that will also make him absent and unable to see you on a regular basis. Will his new profession once he's completed the course, require that he move to another town or state? This also needs to be considered.
So until you know all the facts, perhaps it might be wiser to let things continue just as they are, and see how things work out over time.
If you were tell each of them you were dating another man, well then you could end up with no-one! That's a chance you have to take. Even if you didn't tell either of them, they could find out all by themselves.
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