A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:(MOD NOTE: Aunts/Uncles please be respectful to this poster, no negative nasty posts please!) I have a huge dilemma. i'll try to make this as short and to the point as possible.I just very recently ended a three year relationship with a man that I am still in love with. Unfortunately, I, without thinking about the possible conseqences of my actions, cheated on my boyfriend with a guy that I have had feelings for the the past seven or eight months. I know that he has feelings for me as well. while I was cheating on my boyfriend, I had told the guy that I was cheating with that my boyfriend and I were broken up, so he and my boyfriend knew nothing about the fact that I was....double timing both of them. I went back and forth between my boyfriend and the other guy for awhile. At about the end of two weeks, I was constantly staying the night at the other guys house, lying to my boyfriend, and avoiding my boyfriend when possible. Suddenly, after this had carried on for a while, I realized what I was jeopardizing and called my boyfriend sobbing, telling him how terrible of a person I was and how sorry I was, that I was going to be better...he told me that our relationship was over and that he wanted nothing to do with me.Fast forward. Ironically, me and the guy I had been cheating with are pretty much a couple, even though I hate myself every time I even begin to think about what I did to my exboyfriend. I was starting to feel a little better about everything until a couple of days ago, when I found out I was pregnant. Now I am panicking, because I have no idea what to do, it could be either my exboyfriend or the guy that I cheated on him with. I do not keep contact at all with my ex, we do not and have not spoken to each other at all since the breakup. I know that if he knew that I had cheated on him he would want nothing to do with the baby until he found out whether or not it was his. As for the guy I cheated on him with, he would be happy about the baby, but if he knew that there was a chance it could be my ex's, he would be disgusted at me for lying to him.I have run countless possible options through my head, but all of them seem like it would end in catastrophe. I could get an abortion, but I know that I could never live with myself if I did that. I could tell the guy that I cheated with and am currently seeing that I am pregnant, and make him beleive it is his, except for the fact that my ex is white and the guy I cheated with is middle eastern...and it would be incredibly obvious that it wasn't his child if it wasn't. Or, I could tell both of them the long, hard, truth and hope that I don't get abandoned by both...which seems inevitable.Please don't get on here and talk about how terrible of a person I am. I know this. Every day, I wake up hating myself and the stupid, careless, selfish, heartless descisions I have made. I'm basically on my knees now, pleading for advice.
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abortion, cheated on my boyfriend, middle eastern, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Japino  +, writes (22 April 2011):
From where I come from, the father of a child (be he legit or otherwise) has the lawful duty to support the child no matter by whom or by what means the child came to be. I'm not sure if that's the same over in the US, however, I believe it is the same.So, notwithstanding the real father will or will not accept you for what you have done, he HAS the obligation to support his child.I guess that as soon as the child is born (and hopefully you maintain your decision of having your baby), by his looks, you will know who is the father as both of the guys are of different ethnic origins. To be sure, a DNA test would always corroborate everything.As what has been mentioned by others here, I guess it would be best to tell both of them about your situation. Focus on the fact that you ARE pregnant, not so much on the other part, i.e., that you have cheated. Whatever will be the result of your admitting, you just have to brace yourself. The fact still remains that the real father SHOULD be ready to support his child.From now onwards, focus more on the fact that you are going to be a mother, and that, your bearing a child is a blessing regardless of how it came to be. You are right in keeping the baby. It may be tough choice, but rest assured, you'll find out it was the best decision you will ever make even if both guys would abandon and/or reject you.Happy Easter! God loves you always.
A
male
reader, Dalmatian +, writes (6 April 2010):
You have done the right thing by keeping the baby. We all have made bad choices in our lives but keeping the baby is
a good choice. I strongly advise that you talk to a
Catholic priest. He will value the decision to keep the
child and will help you overcome the feelings of being a
bad person. Please remember we all have made wrong decisions in this life -- just love the child and deal with
the issue thru the church. May God bless you and the
beautiful unborn child.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): You have a few options. Have an abortion. Have the baby and put it up for adoption. Have the child, have a dna test and see who the father is and let them know. Simple as that. (oh yea, and try to learn from your past mistakes)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): First: you should hate the actions you made and regret them everyday, but you shouldn't hate yourself. Big difference. If you arent gonna cut yourself some slack, who else is?Second: You already know what you have to do. Tell them both. The guys are both victims of your manipulation, but the real victim is that baby. If you really wanted an abortion, than you would have done it already. You seem to want that baby, so forget those guys and think about what is the best for your new baby and his/her mommy. If you wait to tell the ex, he will be even more angry. If there is a possibility that he is having a baby then he will want to know so as to prepare emotionally and financially. If you put off telling the other guy than he will assume the baby is his, and what if it isnt? See them both privately and tell them, the nicest you can, what the truth is. They can get as upset as they (rightfully) want, but if anyone in this threesome is worth their salt they will put themselves aside and focus on the most important thing in the universe: that baby.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 April 2010):
The long hard truth is the single option here really, since you won't have an abortion and you cheated with a man who is middle eastern. You have to tell them both that you are pregnant, and that they might be the father. Then get a DNA test. Also, speak to the doctor about getting tested before you give birth. But it will come down to a DNA test, and both guys need to be aware of it.
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