A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:Why does this keep happening to me? Is it normal?So I've had 5 boyfriends and I loved them all and gave them my all cause I'm just like that.My previous ex was my first love. Ive never felt that way about anyone else before.We were friends first but we had a great connection and decided to give it a shot. We did and our relationship was perfect to me. It was like a fairytale.I loved him so much and I always thought he loved me too cause the way he was with me and how he talked about to his friends and family.But then he dumped me saying he doesnt want a relationship anymore.Then I found out he was sleeping with someone else behind my back when we were together. (e admitted it)Is been Over a year now and I'm over him.But I've been chatting to guys and they all keep asking me why I'm single. I'm such a nice girl, pretty smart, blah blah. and 2 of these guys have asked me out.But I don't want to be with anyone.Every guy I've been with have left me. They all start out so sweet and lOvley but they all end up leaving me.I dont think I can do that again.It took me a year to forget my ex. I was still crying after a year.All I do is love and give and all these guys just throw it all back in my face.They keep saying guys don't like nice girls. But that's how I am. I can't change.What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 June 2012):
Hi there. First what you need to do is learn to trust men again.
It is possible that you gave so much of yourself to these guys, that you forgot to give to yourself.
By that I mean that you possibly made their needs more important than your own.
It is a bit like not placing enough value on yourself, and thereby making the men you date more important.
You do need to consider your own needs.
It's also possible that you made yourself too available to each of them.
And by that I mean always being only too willing to please them, and not having a life of your own outside of the relationship.
And doing things like stop seeing your friends, stop any hobbies or interests you used to pursue, because you believe that once you are in relationship, you should ALWAYS be available to see them if they ask you out.
And the reason for that being that if you said - "Sorry, I can't I have something else planned." Fearing that if you say "No" to them, they will end it with you.
Not so. Quite the opposite, in fact.
And it's a pretty common problem with women these days.
They often feel that they should do everything to please their man, and perhaps trying too hard in the process.
And unfortunately, it often comes across as needy and desperate, which can push men away altogether.
Because when you are always trying to please your man by doing nice things for him all the time, it places him up on a pedestal and makes them believe he can't ever live up to your expectations.
When you feel that way, it's almost like being a God of some sort, and it is unrealistic.
And men then start to think that you have a very high expectation of them to make you happy in return, for all that you have done for them.
So the give and receive is very imbalanced.
But they are never going to say that to you.
When they see what is happening they get scared off a bit, and wonder where it's all going.
So then all they can say, is that they don't feel ready to commit to a relationship at the moment.
Simply, because they don't know what else to say or how to articulate exactly what they are feeling.
It really is a case of striking a happy balance between you.
If for instance, you started seeing your friends on a regular basis - a couple of times a week perhaps - and began some fun hobbies that completely absorbed your attention and that you really enjoyed, you would then have some of your focus off just wanting to be in a relationship.
Relationships are not the only things in life that can make us happy, not by a long shot.
The fuller you make your own life, the less dependent you will become on a relationship, as your only source of happiness.
For the time being, concentrate ONLY on making your life as fun and interesting as it can possibly be.
That will in turn make you feel happy, and good about yourself which will give your self confidence a massive boost.
Then you will be feeling so good about yourself, that you won't need a man in your life for you to feel good about yourself.
You will already know that you are worthy.
Qualities in a woman that men find attractive and irresistable are:-
- Self confidence.
- Independence.
- Unpredictability.
- A woman who knows who she is and what she wants from life.
- A woman who has a life of her own, her own friends, hobbies and interests.
- A woman who doesn't NEED a man, but instead chooses to have a man in her life for companionship.
- A woman who values herself highly.
- A woman who respects and accepts herself totally.
- A woman who places no-one above her, in importance.
- A woman who considers herself an equal in relationships.
These are all really important in relationships.
A man loves a woman who doesn't NEED him for her to be happy, and for her to feel like a whole person.
She is whole already, and pefect just the way she is.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 June 2012):
 Don't date til you feel ready.
If you don't feel ready, it's quite OK to give dating a break. Being single is OK.
Facts are that sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you are able to distinguish a "frog" from a good guy.
Have you looked back on the type of guy you have had "problems" with? Are they alike in anyways? Do you for instance go for the "bad boys" and then end up with an actual "bad" guy?
Don't change for a guy ever. IF you are a nice girl. That is just who you are. Whomever tells you that guys don't like nice girls is an idiot. A good guy would rather have a nice girl then a not-so-nice one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): Maybe you give too much and that is the problem. So before going out with anyone else try to work out why, maybe read some self-help stuff and get to the bottom of it so you can see where you are going wrong.
Meanwhile, say to each of these guys that you are not ready to date anyone at the moment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): consider your first love as a character building experience. learn from it and apply what you have learnt to the next relationship.it sucks out loud to be dumped, so giving yourself up totally to someone else too soon can be a painful experience, you have learnt that lesson.hopefully you now know that you don't want a cheater and have enough about you to convey this to any possible future boyfriend.protecting your heart by never becoming involved with anyone again is not how to live a life.take it steady and take your time, keep it simple and try to get to know the character of your possible next boyfriend, actions speak louder than words and all of that.you know what you don't want, have a think about what you do expect and make sure your next boyfriend meets the criteria before you make a total commitment.
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A
female
reader, VampireGirl2000 +, writes (14 June 2012):
First just to tell you. You have to choices A: or B: . First A: tell them your not interested B: you tell them you already have one so you don't have to go through that crap again
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