A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do I deal with letting my mother go like this. Everyday she seems to be losing a bit of herself little by little. It's to the point where she's frequently screaming at the top of her lungs senseless gibberish. I love my mother and it tears me up inside to see her like this.She doesn't seem to remember everything she used to know. She's also saying that she sees stuff that's apparently not there. When I took her to the hospital, they said that the best thing for her was to admit her into the psychiatric facility. After every negative thing I have heard of those places, I immediately declined thier offer. After all, I myself spent three days in that hole. It was unpleasant, boring and very lacking in any actual attention.I bought her back home but now after a few days, I think she might be getting worse. I really don't want to send her away but between a full time job, and going back to school later this year, I just have no clue what to do with her. She's too unstable to leave home alone (if left alone long enough, she walks the neighborhood dazed and crying) and no one else wants the hassle of taking care of her. I'm her only child and somehow I feel like I'm the parent and she's the infant. It's mind rattling. The biggest problem I have is letting her go. I don't want her to feel as if the only person that she ever really trusted, loved, cared for (her son) is giving up on her. But somehow I do feel selfish. I feel as if I'm denying her a chance to get REAL help. I feel like I'm hurting my mother by keeping her away from the hospital just because I can't stand the thought of leaving her in one of those places. Has anyone ever had to make a decision like this? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): go and talk to your GP (Doctor) about it. Then probably if you are in the same GP practice as your mother have a word with her GP.
In theory she can't be sectioned unless she is a danger to herself or others, so it's fairly unlikely she will be taken off to a hospital in this instance.
In UK there has been a change in dealing with mental health care, with the emphasis being less on institutions and more on 'care in the community'. So you probably won't be able to leave her in a hospital even if you wanted to.
Contact your local MIND (mental health charity).
My friend had a husband who went off the rails and she did approach her GP about it first, the police were of no use really.
A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (14 June 2012):
I lived and kind of still living through a very similar thing. Best thing you can do is let her get professional help. She may not understand it or appreciate it and neither might you but it's for the best.
My mom had come to a point where armed police had to restrain her before anyone got hurt... Thank god they didn't have to shoot.
All the love and thinking you can make things work by yourself will not do.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 June 2012):
 Has your mom been tested for dementia/Alzheimer's disease? I would go see a trusted doctor and tell him/her about your concerns. She might be able to reside in an assisted living or health care facility instead of a psychiatric hospital. It just depends what her exact problem is. Do you have any siblings or family friends who could help you with this? It sounds like you could really use some support in terms of figuring out what kind of care is best for your mom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's degenerating condition. it does sound like she definitely needs psychiatric help. has she been diagnosed with alzeimers, dementia, ...?what would be in your mother's best interests for her safety and chance to manage her condition to prevent it getting worse? Living with you, or in the psychiatric facility, or is there another option like in-home professional care?I dont' think she should be living with you if that means she's not receiving psychiatric treatment. It's just not safe, she is a danger to herself, she needs constant supervision and you can't do that because you need to work to make a living (and pay her medical bills) and you need to live your life as well. You do need someone to help you care for her, and her condition needs medical attention. I know your own experience in the hospital was very unpleasant, but it may not be the same for your mother. She may not even be cognizant of her surroundings. I think you should let her go to the psychiatric hospital. she clearly needs medical help because she is suffering immensely right now. It doesn't have to be forever, maybe once her condition stabilizes or improves with treatment she can be released and other long-term care solutions can be sought. Maybe there are other options like in-home caregiving that you can explore with the medical staff there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): She needs inpatient treatment at a psychiatric facility. If the one closest to you is not good, please find another in the area that is better and will provide her with the care she needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): hey, sorry things are so tough for you both right now. I've been there too, with my mother, and having her admitted was the hardest thing i've ever had to do, but, she got treatment and in time she got better. It's hard, but i think deep down you know your mother needs help, treatment&24 hour care from professionals, so much as it will be hard, hospital is the kindest and safest place for her to be right now. You care about her, you want her to get better, and hospital is the place she needs to be. Try not to beat yourself up about it, as in admitting her to hospital, you're acting out of love for her. I hope she gets better soon. Take care of yourself.x
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Wow. Well what you're going through is not at all uncommon. There are plenty of people who've been through a similar situation- and couldn't stand the thought of seeing their parent (or loved one) in a psychiatric facility.But you can't deny her help. If she needs it (whether it's temporary or permanent help), then you have to allow her to get the necessary treatment and/or support she needs.And I know how painful it may be to see your mom go through this... or be a shell of herself. I also had to witness my mother (may god rest her soul), deal with some psychiatric and medical problems. And it was hard to observe- especially how healthy and vibrant I knew her to be when I viewed her as a child/teen. But what I think may help you better cope with this is to get support from people who are going through a similar experience... and seek guidance from a counselor/therapist. I wish you the very best in your situation.
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