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female
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*tacey78
writes: My husband and i have been married 9 months he has some huge mental health problems and is seeing a counsellor two weeks ago out the blue he didnt come home then told me he was moving out two weeks before that he smashed the house up and i called the police, i thought we had sorted it but couldnt of done he is meant to take depression tablets and is also diabetic and doesnt take his medication.i love him so much it hurts he tells saying this is the way it has to be till he sorts his head out but he doesnt even know if he still loves me, i found out two days before he left that our son is autistic and im trying to deal with that and the loss of my husband i cant stop crying ive lost two stone in two weeks and making myself ill im with my son 24/7 without a break while my husband sits in his flat with not a care in the world he still bbrings me his washing and i have given him money as he is broke he hasnt given me a penny towards our son and i am in debt, i know your thinking why on earth would she want him back but he is everything to me and i believed in our wedding vows he says he make come back but he is unsure he doesnt wear his wedding ring anymore.....help what can i do to get over this or win him back.
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female
reader, seenitdoneit +, writes (15 August 2006):
My son is autistic (he is 21 now) so I know how tough life can be after the diagnosis. I was lucky, my husband stayed but I have many friends with autistic children whose husband's just upped and left. They managed to raise their child alone and so can you. Take some practical steps now to feel in control - are you getting all the benefits you might be entitled to? Have you been in touch with your local support group? I don't have time for a long reply now as my son requires my attention, but please contact me if you want to chat. Interestingly, my husband also takes anti-depressants and gets into rages when he stops taking them. After 12 years of living in fear I picked one of his more lucid moments to tell him if he stopped taking the medication again I would leave him. He now takes it regularly and life isn't perfect, but it is managable.
A
female
reader, hugs2muchgal  +, writes (7 August 2006):
 Stacey
stop worrying about that man! he is so not worth it.
I'm only a teenager, but i live with a younger brother who is autistic and diabetic and ive learned how to deal with kids. for you right now it would be best for you to focus on your son, not your depressive husband.
for your son, i have advice. if he is young you can start treating him early, in hopes of making his future brighter. get him into better schools, and get him into the system. therapists are people who can work with a child's autism. my brother is almost as severe as can be, and with people constantly coming to work with him he is improving. look up people who will babysit while teaching your son, like his numbers or abcs. also most autistic boys like television, things to twist, or music. see what makes your boy happy, and use something like music to distract him for alittle while so you can take some sort of a break.
also stop paying for your bum of a husband
im sorry to be so blunt as i do not know him, but he will make it harder for you, not easier. your son needs love and care, and he will need a strong mother, not a woman who is broken.
also by being in debt the government will help with your son's education, take full advantage of that.
get a seperation from that horrid husband of yours until he shapes up. make him realize you wont always be there, and he needs to step up to the challenge of caring for you and your son, or else get a divorce, go to groups, immerse yourself in caring for your son, and one day when you are ready go back into the dating world to meet a guy who will treat you and your son with the love you both deserve.
and remember even when things get tough with your son, he will love you, he may not show it in the most conventional ways, but he does. and his love should really help you. also for support (like your sanity) talk to friends and family, they will be supportative of you and help you out. dump the husband, enter the rest of the world
i wish you the best of luck
and i believe you will be a great mother for your boy
good luck and hopefully for everyone with autistic boys there will be a cure.
good luck with the rest of your life but remember you cant start a good beginning with bad baggage (your husband) dragging you down.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 August 2006):
 I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with a whole bundle of stress on your own. You have to start looking after yourself as you have a son with developmental difficulties who needs his Mum 100%! I work with many families with infants that have autism and other difficulties - you have to get some support, and look into applied behavioural therapy for your son (some LEA's will fund this). Do a google search for local autism charities and they can help you find support and intervention. As for your husband - you may love him but you have to be firm with him too (for his sake as much as yours). Sure he has mental health difficulties but he is an adult and your priority must be with your son. You cannot make him take his tablets but you shouldn't welcome him back to the family home until he is at least stable. Don't do his washing or give him money - it sends out a clear message that you will accept any treatment from him. By supporting his new life in his flat (free from parental financial and emotional responsibility for his son) you are enabling his depressive disorder to go untreated. I am not saying you are doing this intentionally and it is clear you are helping him out of love. BUT there is such a thing as tough love - he is a grown man who can be treated with anti-depressants and counselling, your son's difficulties are rather more complicated. He shouldn't be in the house if he is smashing things up or behaving oddly because your boy responds to routine and calm - loud noises, misarranged furniture or emotional outbursts will upset him deeply as he will not understand properly due to his autism. So, stop helping your husband and make him take responsibility for himself - point him in the direction of the local mental health community clinic as they may have suggestions about his medication (some diabetics tolerate some brands of antidepressants and not others). Take a deep breath and find help for you and your no.1 priority - your son.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2006): it's your job to raise your son, but it's not your job to raise your husband. so you giving this man money while he sits at home and does nothing to help himself or you is ridiculous. you're not doing him any favors by doing that. it's called learned helplessness. if you keep giving to him, he's just going to keep taking, and learn to rely on other people, rather than getting out and doing something for himself. and i know your vows said 'through thick and thin' etc. but i don't see him sticking to that, do you? i know you love this man, but maybe right now isn't the right time for you guys to be in any sort of relationship. if i were you, i'd cut off all ties to him, no matter how hard, and let him get better on his own. and when he gets better, maybe then you guys can try to start fresh. as for your son, i know that's got to be so hard on you doing it alone. but it seems that your husband being around would probably only hinder the child, rather than help him. because your husband has got some serious problems himself. good luck with everything!!
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