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anonymous
writes: Dear agony aunt,I went out with the same guy twice. We broke up twice. I broke it off twice because we never seen each other because he understandably had "family problems".We've recently been flirting again and I'm besotted by him again. He just broke up with a girlfriend. I think of him day and night but I don't know if he'll ever look at me like that again and this really hurts me. What should I do? We flirt when there's us and a small ammount of others but when there's a gang of us we barely share a word. This is because I like him so much.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (25 June 2005):
 I love that word: "besotted". I wish we used it more in the States. It's so evocative, so perfectly descriptive of that situation where one is intoxicated with self-generated feelings for and fixated on externally-applied attributes of the object of the obsession.
Okay—so sometimes, "besotted" is just the first blush of romantic love. This is not one of those cases. You like someone...that you have gone out with and broken up with not once, but twice. Why, oh why, is this thing going to work now? Because the third time's a charm?
Whatever "family problems" he had aren't understandable to me, but unless he's ditched the family, he's still going to have the problems. It sounds like you've got a strong sexual attraction and not a lot working for you outside of that. I think you should be relieved that he's not playing you again, and start focussing your attention on finding someone new or—wonder of wonders—spending some time figuring out why you want to get back together with someone who never worked out the first two times.
You want someone who is available? Be available for yourself first. But I'd let go of this one. Stop flirting, don't encourage him to flirt with you and do what you can to keep a lot of people around you when you can't avoid him altogether.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2005): Before you do something that will result in a breakup again, make sure you get all the facts first. Is he really over his ex-girlfriend (he may be on the rebound and will break it off himself when things cool down)? Is he still having "family problems"? The situation in where you guys don't talk when other people around show that you are really not that comfortable around each other. I suggest striking up a conversation whenever you are around a gang of people, it takes the pressure off and it's not a date so there's no hurry to rush into something you will probably regret later. If after everything you still want to go out with him, feel free but tread lightly.Best of Luck to both of you.
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reader, xox?xox +, writes (25 June 2005):
If you subtly want this man to know your feelings for him, without the fear of rejection from him. You really have to make the effort to talk and flirt with him while in a big group, this way he can see that out of all the people there, you have chosen to have a conversation with him! it will make him feel more singled out and his attention will be on you! Don't try too hard though, just light hearted usual conversation goes down well, but offer to get him a drink mid convo, and when you go to the toilet accidentaly brush up against him and if he catches your eye smile! convidence is everything! Let him know what hes missing and you will soon find out whether or not he would like to continue things with you again! Good luck, hope this helps! x
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