A
female
age
30-35,
*issy123
writes:So to make a long story short, I am 22 and my boyfriend for 3 years and I broke up just before the new year (2012). Shortly there after, one the regular customers at the restaurant I work at, whom I talk to on a daily basis and have gotten to know over the past year shared with me that him and his wife of 18 years decided to separate and get a divorce. He has confided in me about some of the troubles with the marriage and feelings he has about his wife, good and bad. However, he has dropped hints and made comments to me about being not only physically attracted to me but also about how comfortable he is talking to me and sharing conversation. He gave me his personal cell phone number too (which I have saved in my contacts but have not contacted him) ...( he is a decently well to do businessman and has many extensions to be reached at, but only 1 personal number). Now there is nothing wrong with conversation and attraction, however he is almost twice my age and I am beginning to develop feelings for this man. For example today he told me he and his wife signed the mediation papers for the divorce, and I could see in his face and eyes that he is pretty upset emotionally and is having a rough time coping- so after work I went out and bought a supportive, encouraging card for him in hopes it might make him feel better. My question is: is it wrong to have feelings for this man, is it wrong to maybe start a closer friendship/relationship and should I subtly let him know I "enjoy his conversation and am physically attracted to him too?
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broke up, divorce Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Missy123 +, writes (9 February 2012):
Missy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPlease read the newest update of my situation it's part 2. I need advice and insight
A
female
reader, Missy123 +, writes (7 February 2012):
Missy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDeagan, in this situation I do not feel i am a rebound. I haven't taken any initiative towards something more, so im not being used for anything. however the attraction and "tension" for lack of a better term has been there for over a year. And you are right about not appreciating my child, if I had one, to be seeing an older guy, that is something I have thought about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Deagan, in this situation I do not feel i am a rebound. I haven't taken any initiative towards something more, so im not being used for anything. however the attraction and "tension" for lack of a better term has been there for over a year. And you are right about not appreciating my child, if I had one, to be seeing an older guy, that is something I have thought about.
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A
female
reader, Missy123 +, writes (7 February 2012):
Missy123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thank you for your responses. You have given me points of views that I haven't look at the situation from. And yes there are children involved - he has 2 boys.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Age is of no consequence but you should be wary of a man who has just gotten out of a serious relationship.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (7 February 2012):
 He is in the process of divorcing... can you say rebound? I think he's feeling rather lonely right now. I see all the answers below me are saying that "age matters...unfortunately." No, age does matter. I don't think you would appreciate your child going out with an older man. Be smart about it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Missy,You are asking the wrong questions. You ask is it wrong to develop a relationship with a married man? You know the answer to that! You should be asking, is this safe for me? How will I get hurt. Is he telling me the truth? What will a future with him be like? Is there hope of a good long term relationship, or will he return to his cheating ways? Ask those questions before you go further. FA
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (7 February 2012):
The age difference does not matter if you are compatible- I've been with, for seven years, and legally married to for five years, a woman who's 27 years my junior. First, be strong and don't be lied to; second, don't be strung along. Tell him you are attracted but have no desire to be (A) a bit on the side (B) a symptom of a mid-life crisis or (C) a rebound romance. If there are children involved in this divorce/separation his ex (if indeed he IS divorcing her) will make things rough for you both. If he's filed the paperwork as he says he has done it will have been date-stamped by the court. The court will retain one copy, and he and his wife will have a copy each. You could ask to see his copy. I cannot say if this romance will go well or ill, but you at least have the right to know if you're being told the truth about his situation before you take things further. Proven honesty on his part will be your first indicator one way or the other of possible success. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Raewyn  +, writes (7 February 2012):
Age does matter unfortunately, apart from the obvious physical differences there are other underlying problems that often surface as relationships develop. You are 22yrs old I asssume from your letter that this man is considerably older and holds a responsible position in a Company. There is generally an imbalance in the "power" within a relationship where the differences in status are so obvious. There several things you should consider if you intend pursuing this relationship. The first is the problems that often occur where "life experience" is so different.At 22 your life is really only beginning while his seems to at least be in the middle phase. He knows what he wants out of life do you.The fact that this man is going through a life changing experience. He has obviously been in a long-term relationship for sometime divorce is a difficult experience and causes enormous life change and a variety of conflicting emotions. For many it is easier to minimise this change by trying to establish a new relationship as soon as possible to reduce the anxiety and loneliness of being "single" again.There is nothing wrong with giving him support and maintaining your current level of friendship. However if you decide to move this to a more intimate level then you should think carefully about the implications of doing this for both you and him.
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