A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have always had a TV in the bedroom. And since I was about three, I've personally had one in my bedroom. So I'm totally addicted to it, and can toss and turn for hours if I don't fall asleep to it.Our nightly routine involves watching TV until she's too tired, at which point she'll roll over and sleep, and I'll watch a bit (set a sleep timer) and fall asleep myself in short order.But, our sex life is almost nonexistent. We have to muster incredible effort to initiate sex and bedtime has no intimacy. I don't know what to do here.I can rationally see how the TV is hurting our sex life. But I don't know what to do about our nightly routine. It's been my personal routine for decades at this point.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): Record your routine and both watch it back in bed and see if you can make the routine stop...turn the bloody thing off and both start living YOUR lives, instead of everyone else's. Tv is good in some ways but when it dominates human relationships it stinks. People forget the art of conversation because they want to watch the soaps over and over again...just know where the off button is and find other buttons to press.
spunky monkey
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 November 2010):
 My husband and I have always made sure our bedroom was for sex and sleep only. No TV's. Get a white noise mechanism, it can be just about anything, a fan, radio, or sound machine. You'll sleep just fine, and all the cuddling will certainly sprout new ideas.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Old habits die hard. Remove the tv and replace it with mood music. That can be very relaxing. But having said that. Bedtimes seem to have been what works best for you, so you can sleep. But your wife must be bored silly by your routine. No wonder theres no mojo. Study massage and learn how to do it properly. Visit menshealth.com/women and sex. Learn what women enjoy. Then combine your knowledge with massage.
Remove the tv in the bedroom and replace it with a tiger. Bedtime will improve immeasurably for both of you. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (8 November 2010):
Change the routine. You don't need a TV to sleep, just like babies don't need pacifiers and children don't need night-lights. They are comforts that spoil us into thinking we need them (well kids probably do well to have to night-lights, so they may not count).
Unless you have a severe condition, you will be able to sleep without a TV. It may be hard the first night or two, but eventually you get so tired that sleep will happen regardless. Over time, you and your body will adjust.
And wearing yourself out with sex isn't gonna hurt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Why not try and dial it back a little at a time. Agree to reduce your tv viewing in bed by one night a week with a goal to reducing more once you get used to that one night. Maybe on that night, make it a date night. Cook a nice meal, run a bath light candles etc that night and relax together. I would suggest not pushing sex, just try and be intimate, talk and cuddle. I know your used to having the tv on but tell yourself you don't need it and learn to relax together. Relaxation before bedtime is helpful for people with sleep problems. Try yoga or meditation. As you go on reduce it night by night as the weeks progress.
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