A
female
age
51-59,
*bdream3
writes:I have not been here in a while, but right now I need somebody to talk to before I lose my mind. I already have finished crying my eyes out, now I need to vent and express myself and receive some ideas. I have always had a huge problem with neediness and clingyness with the men in my life and I'm at the point where I reluctantly have to change that otherwise I may end up alone forever. The reason why I say reluctantly is because I'm afraid to do that, even though what's happening to me now and the guy I am with and I'm putting myself through so much mental torture because of it. People have told me over the years that guys want girls who are emotionally strong and independent instead of girls who are desperate and pushy with them. I have no idea whatsoever on why I have always had this problem because no one else in my family ever did, although everybody is different, even if it's biological or not. The man I am with I have known on and off for many years and we are what you call long lost lovers because we were separated for a long time and 3 months ago we came in contact again and we started dating. Now, I have not been in an intimate relationship in years and I thought since I'm older, I won't have the same issues I had with the opposite sex like I had in the past, but boy was I wrong about that. The problem I had so long ago did not go away, rather it came back to haunt me because I never looked into doing something about it or I didn't look into it to do something about it enough. Now, I need to try and make a conscious effort to change this because it's causing me so much pain and suffering probably more than breaking up. I'm not saying I'm totally at fault here because it takes two, but if he only will admit his wrongs but not take responsibility for them, than the only thing I can do that I have any control over is change myself. That's part of why I came back to this sight because I need suggestions from others here. I'm just getting panic stricken because it horrifies me because I have a fear of abandonment. That's why I am so needy and clingy. I mean, he's so used to me chasing him, but I wonder what would happen if I really was serious about putting my mind to it and not call him or email him or both for a couple of days? I also am going to look into getting psychological help for this too. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sha9991  +, writes (21 February 2011):
Hi,
I am a independent women,I do still have times where I get needy on my partner,we all get them now and again being women,but the problem is when we are like that constantly,but your bfriend got with you knowing you are needy and clingy some guys like that,so if you do change you need to want to do it for yourself,but you might lose him in the process,so what? always put yourself first! It wasn't a healthly relationship,cuz you should still have your time with friends and family,otherwise you lose your identity,watch out for guys who are control freaks,cuz they will thrive of your neediness!
My advise would be step outside your comfort zone,you need to change your mindset, don't see him all the time get out there with friends,so your whole world doesn't revole around a guy! have more of a care free attuide, life is short,live each day as your last! Think I will enjoy my relatioship,while it lasts and if we ever break-up oh well,there's plenty more guys out there! Face your fears!:)
I hope I have helped? All the best! :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Yes, go get therapy.
You sound like you are a emotional wreck. But before you work out your issues with being a man, you need to work out your issues about being able to stand there alone without man, because you seem to not be able to do that.
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