A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for 4 yrs. 9 months ago we broke up and i moved overseas. after leaving, he realised he misses me and would do anything to get me back and after a few weeks i decided to give it another go.Firstly i was VERY unhappy when i was with him before i left. I always came second to his friends and felt like he never had time for me (sex, affection, just general time..) Also, he drank 5 or 6 nights a week to a drunk state. Since then he has changed and he makes a lot more effort. he flys here and i fly there so we see each other every 6 or so weeks. However, even though hes toned down his drinking and makes a lot more efford, i still find myself disapointed and upset with alot of things that he does (or doesnt do). It was my birthday this weekend and he flew over to suprise me, but then spent most of his weekend hanging around his friends he knew over here and priortising them over me. I got very upset and it ruined my night. Now i feel awful cause i was so upset but i dont know if i can go on with this feeling of dispointment. it's not the 1st time he's ruined my birthday either... Keep in mind hes such a nice guy and i know and everyone knows how much he loves me. what do i do? i love it over here, is it worth droping my job and friends to go back to him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies, I kind of figured i'd get that kind of response! It's just hard to see to big picture when i love him so much. He's buying me a ticket to go back home in a few weeks. I'm definitly going to have to do a lot of thinking in the next few weeks! Has anyone been in this kind of situation??? :)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Absolutely not. And not only because it's a rocky relatioship where you always felt you came after booze friends etc- so not such a great relationship after all. Even if things were better ,I would suggest you to think about your needs first. You are happy there, you've got a job, you've got friends, everything is fine- don't throw this away because of a guy ( who might or might not be there for the long run ).
Think of your life and what makes you happy first- and this is not being selfish, this is common sense and self preservation. It's very risky and unhealthy to put all your potential for happiness and gratification in the(reluctant ) hands of another person. It's often a recipe for disaster. First you build up the life you want ,then you make room in it for a person who is willing and able to share it.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (21 February 2011):
No I don't think it's worth it.
You say you love being where you are now.
You say that with him, you're frequently disappointed and upset.
And now you also feel guilty because he has cleaned up his act somewhat so you feel you "should" be feeling better about him yet you're not. You also feel like you "should" be happier because everyone else sees him as a nice guy who can do no wrong. So you feel guilt over not having feelings that you feel you "should" have, and guilt over still being upset and disappointed on a regular basis, and this is on top of the actual disappointments. You're carrying around a lot of baggage because of this relationship.
Doesn't sound like there's much to gain by giving up your job and friends. If anything you'll likely add yet one more toxic emotion to the above list: resentment at having given up your job and friends for "this"...
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