A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice. I have never in my life had a girlfriend and want to have a relationship. I want companionship in my life. I want to experience the closeness, kissing, cuddling, sex... I really feel behind the curve. It hasn't happened for me yet and I'm starting to fear that it never will. I've been missing out for so long that it's really starting to kill my confidence. At my age it's kind of expected that you should at least have some basic experience by now. I've never even gotten anything more than a friendly hug from a girl.The funny thing is that I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm physically fit, friendly and have a good sense of humor among many other good qualities. I've even been told on more than one occasion that I'm an attractive guy and would be a great catch for someone. It felt great to hear that. It made me believe that there was still a chance for me to find someone out there. Now they just sound like empty words of consolation. I just can't seem to figure out what's wrong with me.What makes it worse is that all my friends are in long term relationships and many are starting to get married. Of course I'm happy for them. I'm glad that they have found someone in their lives and are happy themselves, but I want to find someone special too.I really don't like to dwell on my lack of experience or my lack of success with girls as I find that it just depresses me, but no matter how hard I try my mind always comes back to it. I want something more than friendship in my life. I know that I'm just opening myself up to replies telling me that I should be happy being single or that relationships really aren't all they're cracked up to be, but I can't help feeling this way. I just know that I do and it's eating me up inside because I can't seem to make it happen.More often as I lay in bed at night trying to fall asleep I find myself trying to fight back tears. I don't know what to do anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): I'm 20 and in the same boat as you my friend. Never had a girlfriend, sex or even a true kiss even, but in my case, that was down to me and my choices. I've had chances to before, more then a few but I was going through some deep problems in my teen years and I always turned them down.
When I turned 14 I was home schooled until the age of 17 so I had no relationship interaction. When I attend college my mind-set was still the same as before so I never let anyone get close, like before in school I had a few girls interested in me, 2 claimed to even be in love with me.
However cause of how I was I stayed closed off.
That was a time of my life I deeply regret. After college I just pretty much stayed at home trying to confront why I was like this. The thing which changed my mind-set was that I feel in love with my closest friend, but it was unrequited, she only thought of me as a brother. Even so that experience changed me, and only in the last couple of months have I started to build myself back up, and too get myself ready for a relationship when I go back to college this year. That said, I have tried to start getting into relationships slowly by meeting people online, but that didn't go so well, but I did make some great new friends.
I have shed my tears over this as well. I still have trouble sleeping and all my dreams are good for is to taunt me. I too want to experience the closeness, kissing, cuddling and sex with another. Like you most of my friends are in long term relationships and I am so envious of them
I have no issues with my looks, I've been told by many that I'm really handsome, charming, funny and a bit cheeky (in a fun way). Even so I'm so used to being seen as the brother type of late, so I've had to change my attitude too stay clear of that dreaded friend zone. I'm a good guy, or at least try to be, but in my experience, from what I see and hear, yes girls do like good guys, but they're not attracted to them (Not every girl but the majority). So I have to change my attitude into becoming a bit more naughty as it were, whatever happens though, I'm still gonna be myself.
I'm turning 21 in 2 weeks and I've decided that the age of 21 will be the best time of my life, I'm going to start putting myself out there, flirt, take risks etc~ The only thing that's stopping you and me from getting a relationship is ourselves, that's what I now know to be true, with me at least.
The worse part is taking that first step out there, but once you've taken that step, it becomes so much easier.
Sorry if I made this seem a bit about me, I'm just hoping that you can get something useful out of reading my own experiences. I know it's hard, but you just gotta stay positive and confidant.
Best wishes! I know we'll both find someone soon :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): It's hard to tell whether you go out a lot but if you do, could you ask your close friends where they think you go wrong. This could be a great help. And tell them how sad you feel being alone too as they might not realise. It could be that they will be able to introduce you to someone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Have u ever been rejected? How many girls have you liked and asked out? Are you picky? As in, ur attracted but when you realise one or two things you don't like appearing you just back off a bit? Need more info before we can help you darl :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Dude, it's time to get real and man up.
Look at how you talk about yourself:
"I've even been told on more than one occasion that I'm an attractive guy and would be a great catch for someone. It felt great to hear that. It made me believe that there was still a chance for me to find someone out there. Now they just sound like empty words of consolation. I just can't seem to figure out what's wrong with me."
Notice how you are focusing on what others have said about you? Almost like you need their proof or approval that you aren't a bad catch.
Focus on yourself and gain confidence. You need to like yourself first. Second, you need to not be afraid of making mistakes.
You've built this persona up until now. This never-have-dated and never-have-kissed persona which is holding you back.
Let go and take control. Your past does not control your future. Feeling nervous because of a lack of experience? Fight through the nervous. Don't let it hold you back.
If you want something go after it. No excuses. Next time you find yourself interested in a woman, talk to her. After talking to her, invite her out. Don't be afraid of failure, and don't weigh yourself down with pressure if you succeed.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Hey
Well if this is bothering you instead of worrying about it why not do something about it! You sound like a nice guy, so why not go out there and make it happen instead of waiting for love you come your way.
You need to make an effort to meet girls, maybe in a bar because you coudl ask your friends to come along, or at work or maybe just when you are out and about try talking to girls you meet, ask people on dates, just get yourself out there in the market.
If this is a bit too much too fast why not try a dating site, despite what some people may think there are many interesting and attractive young people on these sites, this way you can chat to people first to build up a bit of confidence. Plenty of fish is a good site which is free and there are many other.
So yea, just get yourself out there and it will happen for you, good luck man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): What have you done about getting a girl friend, when did you last ask a girl out?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I'm afraid there is nothing you can do but wait. For some reason it is just not happening for some of us (I'm in the same situation as you). I have no idea why. I've noticed that people can be categorized into two groups: people who date (constantly) and people who don't. People in the first group have no trouble finding somebody. As soon as they end it with one person, a new opportunity knocks on their door. I know many people who are like that, they break up with someone and have a new date the same day. And there is the other group, the non-daters, who never ever date. I also know many, many people like this (I am in this group too). For years that I have known them they never had a date. Most of them are like me, in mid twenties, and have no experience in dating. I just can't seem to break out of my "habit" of not dating. But, I don't mind being single too much, after all these years I started believing it is my natural state. What bothers me is the society, how to explain to people why I never had a boyfriend. Because people expect everybody to pair up.
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A
female
reader, SMARTERthaniappear +, writes (19 June 2011):
 You know what! You might be soooo damb awesome that girls are intimidated by you XD just a thought. You need to put yourself out there. Socialize, go to parties, mall, events, clubs, etc. YOU'RE BOUND TO MEET SOMEONE! Jump the gun!!! FLIRT IT UP with some girls and ask them out. The worste that could happen is they'd say no. And you'd get over it, no big deal. If you're more of a conservative person, take it slow. Go out with a group of friends and ask a girl to go to some event with you and your friends. That way it won't be necessarily a 1 on 1 date. Don't miss out on someone great by being too conservative though. Just go with the flow and you'll meet the love of your life. Stay positive =)
I HOPE I HELPED ^.^
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