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male
age
51-59,
*anielepew
writes:This is not a question, just my way to hopefully stay in contact with someone.To the person who sent me a private message last night, but canceled her account while I was sleeping: you still need an answer to that matter. I can't respond if you don't come back. It's your call. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Yes I know he is amazing and better than most.
(no offense to most).
Not that i would go around snooping or whatever, i just questioned everythign he told me that made him seem like an amazing guy. I know i've been irritating but he handles it like an angel. I've never found anythign hurtful. He doens't hide anything from me.
They weren't faults exactly that i was looking for.. just reasons that i could feel bad about myself.
It was like.. and still is really, he is too good to be true. I've jsut tried very hard to make sure he wasn't going to do the same thigns the others have done.
And i really miss him. But you're so right.
I think this whole thing that just happened is the final breather for me.. I think I fully trust him now. Becuase even when i had cold hard proof of something, it wasn't true.
Usually i have horrible dreams about him cheating on me, lyeing, etc. and they haven't gone away since i met him, but two nights ago, i had one where he was flirting with some girl (which he wouldn't do) and instead of feeling insecure in the dream, i thought to myself, "whatever. he loves me. not her."
That had never happened to me before in a dream. So i think i'm getting better, because my dreams def feed off of my fears.
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (11 June 2009):
Danielepew is verified as being by the original poster of the question One more thing. You said yourself you're insecure and you tried hard to catch him doing something that would hurt you. Well, one day you will succeed, because no one is perfect. I am afraid, however, that you might bring it on you. No offense, but if a woman spent her time checking me to find faults (which would be easy), I would become very, very, very upset with her. Probably I would leave such a person, because I would see that as nagging, but also because I would feel like I just can't be good, no matter what, and like she wouldn't love me for who I am but for what she could turn me into.
I think you have a man who is better than most of us. Don't lose him over your own insecurity. That would be perhaps the greatest mistake you could make.
Wish you the best.
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reader, Danielepew +, writes (11 June 2009):
Danielepew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot my problem, but I chose to make it mine to help you.
All the best, always.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): No, I would never leave him.
What I really wanted to hear was that I am not crazy for believing my husband when he says he didn't do it.
Becuase i've seen girls come on here and they are stuck in lyeing relationships and our Aunts tell them to wake up, what's wrong with you, the proof is right in front of you.
I wanted to believe him so badly because that's just not the type of person he is and it's not the type of person I am. I would not look at any other person and neither would him. So i wanted to believe him but I felt like it would just be stupid to believe him. Like, i would be one of those girls who people yell at for being so naive.
But you made me feel better, because there are several other options. Several things I didn't know about. And i didn't find him suspicious because he didn't immediately start making excuses. He remained calm and consistent in his words. He remained the same man he alway has been.
I have serious insecurity issues so something like this is a big deal to me. (lol.. you porbably figured that one out).
He called the next morning and said he found out who it was. He said it was his friend Walker and he got the money that was charged on his phone, and then he knocked his tooth out and is now not allowed within 20 feet of the guy.
Now, if this were a story proposed by the guy I dated in High School, I would think he was making it up. Becuase he lied.. CONSTANTLY. And he was a pervert. But this is my husband. And what is a relationship without trust? Nothing, right?
He may come back different. He may have PTSD, depression, physical handicapps, anger issues, etc. but I will love him to no end.
The problem that I stated earlier was just one of my deepest fears.. I had spent so long trying to catch him doing things that would hurt me, trying to catch him lyeing so i would be hurt, but I never found anything. i finally jsut let myself be happy and was learnign to trust him and my heart. Becuase my heart told me to marry him evethough my head told me that he was goign to hurt me. So when i found those downloads, I couldn't believe it. I had finally accepted and trusted that he wasn't like the other men.. that he was different. It was no cause at all for a divorce, but it still would've hurt. Becuase that is so much why I lvoe him.
So I hope you understand and don't just htink i'm crazy. Which I am, but I hope you understand anyway.
ANd I thank you for your help. I know it wasn't really your problem.
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reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 June 2009):
Danielepew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll right. If I understand your situation correctly, you married your husband because you found him to be a man of very high moral standards. He would not look at women with lust unless he was involved with them. In fact, you're his first and only woman. He also agreed with you that even looking at another person is being unfaithful. He's a soldier, is deployed somewhere, and right now you are at home, pregnant with his baby. You had had no reason to doubt him until now, that his phone bill shows charges for bikini wallpapers and "crap", which I assume is pornographic images. He says he did not download the images, and also maintains that none of his friends stole his phone or used it, without his knowing, to download stuff they would transfer to their own phones but he would be charged for. You say that his fellow soldiers have indeed stolen food you have sent your husband.
Actually, I think I can't know what happened. Maybe he did download those things himself, and thought you would never know. But, if he had done that, then he would be very much interested in your not knowing. He would know that the bill would be sent to your home, and that you would know. It does not seem to make sense that he would deny that his phone had been stolen or "borrowed" for some time.
I am not familiar with this kind of downloads, but I know for a fact that someone I know received the naked pictures of a person they know. The thing is, the woman was sending those to a lover of hers, and didn't think that other Bluetooth-enabled phones in the vicinity could also connect to her phone and receive the images. Which is what happened. I don't know if something like this could have happened and the company could have billed him for it.
My grandfather was a soldier for some time of his life and "permanent borrowings" were a common problem for him. This is a problem whenever a group of humans, large enough, is put together. So it is indeed possible that someone "borrowed" the phone, without his knowing. If it were so, then he would of course deny losing the phone or downloading the images. But we can't know whether this was indeed what happened.
Then there's also hackers or phreakers who could conceivably bill you for something you didn't do. I am sure you've heard about charges made to credit cards for services people never bought. A soldier away from home is a good target for this, I believe, because he is physically away but is "financially" in your country of origin. His accounts can be hacked on the assumption that he will be away and will find it difficult to act. Again, we don't know whether this happened.
Just for the sake of making my point, let's assume he did download the things and is now lying to cover that up. I understand why this is a problem, but I think you should be more forgiving. Perhaps the real fear is whether he is seeing other women in the country where he is deployed. We don't know, and we can't assume that his downloading those things would be proof of it. Though you don't say you're leaving your husband, I don't think it would be wise to leave him. Those of us who are more imperfect than him can tell you this: nobody is perfect, and his fault seems way less serious than most faults we read about here.
I wish you the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): :(
I'm sorry. I cannot contact you privately anymore due to the same reason i closed my account.
I'm very sorry. I wouldn't mind your thoughts here but that's up to you.
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reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 June 2009):
Danielepew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I should not post my thoughts here. You asked in private, and I have to respond in private. I will let you contact me if you want.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Sorry about that! That was me! I had to deleat if for a pretty good reason. I didn't mean to leave you in the dust like that.
Very kind of you to try to contact me however.
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