A
male
age
36-40,
*ishfishfish
writes:right here goes.....I’ve been with my girlfriend for half a year now and whilst I am absolutely head over heels for her, I’m finding that we don’t have much sex. Roughly once a week at most usually, more than once a week (and not much more) on very rare occasions. She seems satisfied though and has told me that she’s "never been a very sexually minded person."We only ever have sex missionary style and it’s all fairly regulated to be honest. She is constantly telling me how great our sex is (when we do have it) and that she’s "never been like this with any of her past boyfriends before" - implying that this is far more sex than she usually has however, I’m having difficulty lately in feeling I should be grateful, even if this were to be true since, we rarely have it ourselves.Without meaning to be shallow, lately, I’m beginning to feel a little rejected, almost like ive become her "best friend" - worth noting at this point that she tells me that I’m her best friend quite often however, she also insists that she’s extremely happy I’m her boyfriend often.I’m quite a fan of oral sex (giving and receiving) and so a while ago, i thought i’d give it ago as i wanted to please her differently. she lets me please her orally but she hasn’t ever tried to do the same for me. When I asked her a few months into the relationship (in a very simple non pressured way) why she hadn’t tried it with me, she simply replied, “I would however I’m scared you’d be too big and you’d choke me but I’d like to if it wasn’t for that.” And left it at that.To me this sounds a bit like a cop out and I don’t know what to do. I’ve since asked again (a few months later) and I received the same reply. I don’t want to keep on asking as I’d like to think I could trust what she’s saying is true, in addition, I don’t think it’s fair to keep on pestering her about it, especially if she doesn’t want to, whatever the reason however, in addition to the whole lack of sex in general, and then the simple, regulated missionary sex when we do, I’m starting to not look that forward to sex anymore. I just feel like a best friend now who shares a bed with her and who has the odd fumble now and then, just to cure an itch so to speak, rather than the “sexy, tall, dark, gorgeous, intelligent, e.t.c” boyfriend that I’m being constantly told I am.I feel like I’m her best friend and I’m grateful for that however, I don’t want to be just that. It’s also probably worth saying that she’s also extremely good mates with two of her ex’es who too are also “extremely close friends.” I trust her (as in not to go wandering) as aforementioned however, I don’t feel like there’s any real difference in the relationship she has with them now and me - other than the fact that i now see her more often than them and she calls me her boyfriend and them the ex’es.I need help, i don’t want to lose her over a problem with sex as i couldn’t ask for more personality wise however, physically, it just doesn’t feel like we’re in a more meaningful relationship more than that she shares with her other friends. I don’t know what to do. HELP!
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female
reader, welshlass86 +, writes (8 June 2009):
I know this may not be of very much help to you..but i really relate to your girlfriend..Ive been with my partner for 5years..and i have a very low sex drive. We have it once a week, but we do explore each other and try different positions and enjoy it..but im not really that interested in intercourse. It wouldnt bother me if i went for months without it..not sure if thats a flaw in our relationship but i just dont have urges. My partner, like you, i think would love to have it much more than once a week, and in that respect i just relieve him without intercouse or he relieves himself, thus this way were both happy and it works..Will your partner relive you? At least this way maybe your still recieving the pleasure and intimacy?
With regards to the oral..maybe try saying to her perhaps licking ur genitalia and taking the tip of the penis into her mouth to begin with and start off slowly and perhaps reassure her and show her that maybe ur not as big as she thinks you are ((i mean this in the nicest wasy possible!)) and she can manage giving you oral..
With trying different positions..maybe watch some films and suggest the positions..or when your in the moment suggest something new?
If not maybe counselling is the way foreward..but wish you all the luck. best wishes x
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