A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here is the deal;Me and my girlfriend were together for almost two years and everything went fine. Sure we had our little arguments but we never had a real fight. It always felt like we completed each other in many ways. Then a few months ago her best friend and my best friend (who were in a relationship together) broke up. And all hell started.My girlfriend has always been a little carefull with sharing her feelings as she only lived her for a few years being taken away from her mom and best friends to live with her family here for better education. The only family here she had was her brother and the ones she never talked to who lived here.So ever since we started dating I have been her 'strong rock' and she always came to me if something was bothering her. But since our best friends broke up I changed without knowing it.. I became a grumpy person and was claiming her time waaaay to much(since we live in different city's we could only spend weekends together). She felt like she became trapped and as if she didn't have control over her life. Seeing as I didn't know I changed I was to blind to see what was going on. She became unhappy and couldn't come to me to talk about things anymore, cause always ended up arguing cause I couldn't believe she was whining about these stupid things.December last year she finally broke up with me.I felt devastated and could feel my whole life crashing down. I started to realise what I fool I was and I asked her if we could talk, we did and she told me I should get over her. It was too late.And so I did and everything finally seemed to go right again. I called her parents to arrange getting our stuff back(cause in the meantime I got a message that she hated me and I did her so wrong.Just a few hours after I called her parents she called and everything felt so right, as if we never broke up we talked for half an hour.. She wanted to apologise for saying that she hated me and she hoped I didn’t hate her. I told her no I don’t and it’s okay I get it. I thought that was it and I was ready to hung up the phone. But then she started talking about how about since we broke up she has been a mess and that she didn’t felt relieved at all about breaking up. I told her that the most important thing is that she still stands behind her decision. The answer I got broke my heart again. She said that even if she wasn’t it was too late because she already was in the healing proces and she didn’t want for me to go through all this again.The last thing I said was; Well we could always grab a drink and talk. But she said she wasn’t ready and ‘lets not go back there’.I realise now how much I love her, and even though I get attention from other girls my heart is still with her. We never had any problems and I don’t believe this relationship couldn’t be safed. My question is; do you guys think I should try and get back together? Or should I just leave it.. My mind is telling me that it isn’t smart to try and fix this. But my heart won’t let me move on cause it feels like this is the so called ‘one’.
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best friend, broke up, get back together, move on, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Hey guys,This is the poster.Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it. You guys are right, it takes two. And sometimes I feel I'm just looking for the pain. I just can't help but think we could work this out if she wasn't so stubburn with her feelings.But thank you guys!
A
female
reader, hotinlove  +, writes (9 February 2011):
It takes two to tango, at this point I think you are standing on the dance floor all by yourself during a slow dance. Im sorry, it sounds like this girl has put you through a lot. Its obviouse you have strong feelings for her, she doesn't feel the same. You have been more than attentive and considerate, unfortinatly she just doesn't want to dance with you anymore. Follow her advice and move on, she is too far gone. Best of luch in your new single adventures!
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Sounds like you have done your best and she has refused you more than once when you suggested, talking, getting back, trying again. I should just put it down to experience now. She knows y our feelings she knows where you are, leave the first move to her now. At least you will get your answer one way or the other. It's always sad when relationships break down but they will only ever work if both are willing to put the effort in.
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A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (9 February 2011):
 If you feel like she is the "one" then it can't hurt to try but if she decides she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore; you will need to respect her decision and move on. You admit that you are the most to blame. One thing you can't do is involve other peoples relationships into your own. I dated a guy and out friends were together, his friend cheated on mine and started dating another girl. I wad forced to spend time with the new girl and it was always causing fights because I felt it was morally wrong to even be around her period. We would fight about it at home and anytime we were actually supposed to go do things with them I would complain because I couldnt stand it. I honestly feel like making a part of their relationship my own took a toll on us and eventually we did break up. It's not the only reason we aren't together, but a part of it. He ended up leaving me and I probably deserved it. And out of respect for him, even though I still love him years later ... I leave him alone.
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A
female
reader, Chig +, writes (9 February 2011):
 well, I have a feeling that if it didn't work once, then its unlikely to work again :(
Its best to always move forwards. I know you have learned that the way you behaved was wrong, but its so easy to slip back into the way we really are inside, and can you guarantee that you won't control her life again after a given amount of time?
I would say its best to take what you have learned and move on with your eyes open to your flaws (we all have them) and try to make sure that any future relationships you keep the negative away as far as you can.
Only you really know though. It may be worth taking a chance if she comes to you wanting to try again. I would leave it up to her though, and meanwhile chill with your thoughts, and don't get your hopes up too much :)
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