A
male
age
30-35,
*ADRHARI33
writes: So basically I have known this girl for around 7 Months since the start of my University school year. (Im 18 shes 19) She is from across the country and moved here for school while already having a boyfriend and was trying the long distance thing. I met her a week or so into the school year and we started hanging out alot. At the same time she was also hanging out with another guy she knew who she had a "crush on" as i later found out. But anyways we went on and off talking as we had numerous problems with me thinking it was going somewhere with her flirting but her thinking it was just friends. She had broken up with her boyfriend and we started talking again and one drunk night it got hot and heavy (no sex) but from then it was good until we had another off time in the relationship because of me thinking i was a rebound etc. We went another month or so being just friends (with my intent of getting her bacK) I was succesful and we were going out for a few weeks until she said she still had feelings fro her ex across the country and they were back together and we stopped talking for 3 months almost. During that period of time my game was fairly bad and inexperienced, i made alot of mistakes. I was way to clingy and attached, as was she at times but i didnt have the attraction at its full potential. In the 3 months we hadnt talked i had started going out more and meeting lots of girls, and my game expanded like crazy where i would be running 2 or 3 girls at a club at the samme time. It led to me starting to see one of the girls i had met up with that i knew from highschool. Everything was going fairly good with her. After about a month of seeing the new girl, the ex started texting me again. I wasnt very responsive, giving her pretty short, witty answers, that she apparently loved and was always laughing and wanting to talk more. We did this fro about 2 weeks before i finally agreed to hangout with her to work on some "English work" for school. I went over to her house and right from the start she was really flirty with me, play fighting, etc. Then there were random periods of silence where we were just laying on her bed staring at each other. I tried to make a move but she wouldnt kiss me on the lips just everywhere else, but then she couldnt help it and started making out with me etc. She told me how much she missed hanging out with me and that she likes me alot, more than ever and thats the only reason she cheated on her boyfriend (who was a typical girly AFC wuss). I was torn for a bit, with having another girl (who i wasnt exclusive with) and her. I decided to give her another chance as I really liked her and always had an amazing connection with her. This time around i think my new experience with girls and developed confidence had made her VERY attracted to me and she even said she saw me differently Time passed where we were seeing each other but she was still kind of confused if was with the other one even tho i reassured her everything was gonna work out. One day after she had a night clubbing with her friends and her friends single guy friends. I had seen a picture of her grinding on some guy while she was apparently really drunk. Even tho we weren't exlucsive I was really angry about this as she would have never been ok with me doing something like taht or if another girl ever texted me or something she would be all sad. I called her and she had many differnet excuses like "we arent exclusive" "Im just friends with him" " I didnt think it was that bad" etc. By the end she had realized what she did was wrong and apologized in tears as she thought it was over and she never wanted to lose me and is disgusted iwth herself. I Slept on it for 2 days and she called me again.(apparently in these 2 days she would call her friend crying etc) She was again crying because she likes me so much and would never want to lose me. She said she wouldnt even go out anymore and would do anything to build my trust again, i decided to give her another chance as I thought it would be foolish to end it cuz she was just dancing with another guy.Since then, We got alot closer and have been dating fro about another month/month and a half. It has been going great, and i really like her, and she likes me more than ever. She had turned down SIX different opportunites to go out with her friends to live up to what she said or to hangout with me instead. For a long while she had said she wanted to wait for sex as well ( had only slept with one guy b4 me) to make it more special, and then one night it happened and she got even more attached. So everything was going perfect. The problem is that in the summer she will be going back to her hometown for 2+ months. I know she has to go and I encourage her because I know she misses her dad and friends etc. But really, I cant trust her. From the things shes done to her own ex and to me kind of, I dont kno if i can trust her going back for 2 months and not doing anything with some other guy. She tells me all the time how she would never do anything because she likes me so much and would never want to lose what we have, but I kno how flirty she can be and that she is easily tempted (or atleast used to be). Its been bugging me now for a few days pretty bad, and even tho i have 2 months or so before she leaves, I dont kno if I should continue with this or not. I really like her and she really likes me and we have a great connection but are these trust issues to big for this relationship to work?
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clubbing, confidence, drunk, flirt, her ex, long distance, period, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ninetoes +, writes (15 April 2009):
 If it was only three months, then you are going to have how many months of knowing her, and getting her to care about you more and more, that the other clingy guy clearly didn't have.You've obviously been playing your cards right and I really don't think you have anything to worry about. I've been her before, and it's easy to lose interest in a guy that has no life outside of you. If I were you, I would let yourself go, enjoy the time you have with her and if you lose her, so be it.If it's meant to be, then it will and I personally don't think you should risk losing her just because your afraid of the hurt that could potentially happen, because it could just as easily go the other way and you could be really happy with her for a long time.
A
male
reader, BADRHARI33 +, writes (14 April 2009):
BADRHARI33 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your replies. To cgrlygo, I realy want to make this work, but just all the stuff thats in my head makes it hard, and I really dont know if i can last for the 2 months shes gone with me worrying if shes cheating....
To the second answer, she went out with him for 3 months before they left. Even tho I dont blame her for cheating, since he was a very clingy, wussy guy. He was basically the girl in the relationship, from calling her everyday to posting stuff on facebook everyday etc. It was bound to happen. But thats still no excuse for her emotional cheating the first time or the physical cheating with me the second time they were together.
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A
female
reader, ninetoes +, writes (14 April 2009):
ok, my first question is, how long was she going out with the long distance guy before she met you?The reason I ask this is because my thinking is, that if you let the 2 months with her continue, she will fall for you more and more.She sounds like the type of girl that falls for guys easily and is easily influenced by someone who can play the game well.Also, if you really care about her, then the two months will be worth it, whether she stays with you or not.By the sounds of it, you have nothing to worry about as long as you keep your game face on and don't allow yourself to become too needy or clingy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Ok, i realize that there has been a lot going on, alot of confusion in feelings and loyalty. But while all of this was going on she at least was TRYING to be honest about being confused and who she wanted to be with. She had every right to explore all options. You chose to wait and work for her to see you and I commend you for that type of loyalty. But it sounds as though once she made her decision (you) she has stuck to it. Made a choice and chose you. That has to count for something. Before she was honest and told you I'm not sure by showing that to you and saying it to you. Now she saying I want you and showing that she wants you. I ask you, what more do you want? Life does not come with guranties if you want that you have to get an appliance. If you want trust and loyalty, honesty (which you have worked hard to achieve) you have to give it with out reservation. Im not saying be blind mind you, Im saying you cant convict someone for something they have not done yet. I think before you did not really have a relationship because you BOTH were not commited, now you are. Why not see where that takes you? You know where youve been now see where you BOTH can go?
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