A
female
age
41-50,
*itto11
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 6 months. Trust is a big issue in our relationship, and that's what we're lacking. I can’t really say that we both started off the wrong or right foot. At the very begin of our relationship, he was seen someone and our relationship wasn't supposed to go this far. We do love each other - and that's for sure. The thing is, that I met someone else and I since I thought our relationship was just going to stay like, I went out with someone else and did a bit more than I guess I was supposed to. He found out and I came clean. I stop talking to the other guy and decided to stick with my boyfriend. He finds it hard to trust me. Not that I’m neither a cheater nor a player, but ever since I confessed my stupid mistake, he doesn’t trust me at all; for heaven sake! We have trust issues, and that's the root of all our misunderstandings and nonsense quarrels. I know I've made some mistakes in the past that may have somehow caused him to jump into conclusions every now and then. "We all lie - who doesn't?" But one thing is for sure, I'd have never gone out with someone else if he was just with me. I'd have never crossed any line or any boundary. I am completely aware of my limitations as his girlfriend.I am just so sick and tired of crying and feeling awful whenever he tries to bring back all those things in the past, which is really not necessary to "reminisce" and to castigate about just for the sake of getting me potshots to somehow blame me. For what? To get even? I do love him very much and I will never ever do anything to hurt us or end us.I need advise
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Well, the root of the problem is that trust is gone and it does not matter how it got lost, what matters is that he is not willing to let it go and work on the trust. He is using that "mistake" as an excuse to control her. The relationship will not go anywhere if he still with that mentality. They need to talk about that issue and not the "mistake" there is nothing they can do about the mistake, but they can sure move on and work on the trust. If that is not possible, it is better to call it off right now and move on in life.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 February 2010):
 It sounds like if he was with someone else at the time there was some "limit" where you went beyond the point of no return or something. There weren't definitive boundaries drawn by him so for you to have known this was problematic is really his communication faux pas. I don't know if I'm on board with the 'dump him' so far, but it seems to me, that this wouldn't have happened with good communication, so if he starts looking at this as the consequences of bad communication rather than you being a slut, then maybe he'll seize the opportunity to grow as a couple instead.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 February 2010):
Hm. So him seeing someone else was fine, but you seeing someone else wasn't. And now he's moaning about it and continually throwing it into your face. There's too much hypocrisy here, let alone the lack of trust. To be honest, here we are six months on and nothing has changed. The time has come for you to re-evaluate whether this is a guy you can be with. He was seeing someone else as well. Don't be bullied.
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