A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey.Well, Story goes my current boyfriend and I have been dating for a real long time and I still don't trust him. He cheated on me once. He was a real player. But that was years ago. A few years later we got back together. (now dating for a year)I love him, Honestly I do. But, i dont trust him. When he says he loves me, sometimes i believe him and sometimes I question it. Im not sure how to get over it. We've talked it out and everything. (About him chating. He doesnt know that I dont trust him.) He tells his friends that he's sprung. He is planning on us living together after our schooling is done. (He's a senior, im a sophmore) But i have absoulutly no idea why I question his feelings for me, or how to stop questioning them if in fact, he is seriously in love with me. I guess its simply the fact that I know he says he loves me, I just dont believe he is IN love with me.Any advice or whatnot would be appreciated..
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cheated on me, got back together, player Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much!
We talked more about everything and he was very open.
He apologized and has been very sweet ever since.
Im so glad you all helped me out with this!
Thanks again.
A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (13 January 2009):
 Well I believe you are in love, your never too young to feel love. But, there are some question as you pointed out. If your not sure about him you need to talk to him and ask him about that fling he had in the past, you need to let him know how much it still effects you and your feelings to him and he REALLY needs to know this too (you need to get your message accross) as it could effect your future with him. It needs to be enough to almost scare him that he might lose you, if he's really that hung up on you he'll do anything in his power to keep you and comfort you. If not he'll do it with no emotion and no care for your feelings at all.
What does he do to show his love? Anything romantic at all? Or is he blinded by the perception that love is only a perception? It could also very well be he does not know how to love properly.
Give the above a try and see what his reaction is ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): You both are young. Sounding like you both are in either school or college.. He cheated on you a long time ago and it was a 'one-time' thing which deeply affected you. I am sorry that happened to you because even a 'one time' cheat can do that to us girls. It leaves an emotiuonal scar. We question 'why' it happened, over and over again. It sounds to me, like if this happened a long time ago, when he was young and stupid...then you should look at who he is now. The ages you are, tells me that young folks, like yourselves.... can quickly develop themselves in a better way, they evolve, they learn about love and relationships, they create themselves into better people all through the process of maturity. What you need to do..is accept who he is now and not who he used to be. And you need to believe that you are lovable and valued by him. Look at the recent history with him. Don't dwell on the one tome cheat that occurred a long time ago. Has he proven himself worthy? If he has, then there is your answer. He loves you, you love him. So now, let that one bad incident go and if he's he been trustworthy this past year, then please, learn to let go of these past bad feelings and love him, trust him for who he is, now! Good luck, sweety
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A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (13 January 2009):
 Well i know after one cheats it is so very hard to trust .I can tell you this if you dont let go and give him a chance your relationship wont work at all . I know it is scary But give him a chance to prove himself and see where it goes if you see he isnt going to be faithful let him go it isnt worth it. No one is perfect and we all fall short but at the same time we cant fall short on the same thing all the time we should learn from mistakes and not make the same mistake again . So while you keep your guard up give him a chance to prove he can be faithful .. GOOD LUCK XXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): cheating can have some serious repercussions on the inflicted party. you may have talked through it, but you have not worked through the pain of being betrayed and you may still be harboring feeling sthat you wont be enough for him. thats untrue, but it seems to be the way of thinking.
you need to speak with someone who may have had a simililar situation like yours who has worked through it, or try to get some guidance to delve into your hurt feelings. he needs to earn your trust in many ways, not just explain to his friends that you are the one and his desire to get serious with you. he needs to prove it, and if you are willing accept his attempts- not as tokens out of guilt but as actual heartfelt desires to be closer to you.
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