A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and have been in a relationship with the same man since I was 17 years old.I am now in my 30's and convinced I am in love with someone else. I had an affair a few years ago and was completly in love with the man with whom I was having the affair.He's beautiful, we get on well, we are so similar (scarily so), we like the same things, we start singing the same thing at the same time, we have the same food likes and dislikes, we have the same phobias.... I feel like I've known him forever. The affair is completely over but I saw him the other day and I don't understand why you would have such an affinity with someone if it's not meant to be?It ended because I couldn't leave my husband -he needs me. I just feel so lost and empty and wonder if there really is a chance there could be a soul mate or if we should commit to those we marry and make those relationships work.I don't really know what I'm asking. I just wanted to talk having seen this man for the first time in several years (we just chatted and went for a walk) and being happy for the first time in several years.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Why does your husband need you? A friend of mine has a saying, "Someone who needs you isn't someone you want in your life." We should be loved, wanted, desired, but if it turns into a NEED then that's like an addiction and stops being healthy. It's an interesting thought, albeit one I don't fully agree with all the time.
You are not happy. It's good that you want to honor your marriage, and I believe that's the right thing to do. Not enough people do it. However you also need to consider if you're just sticking it out because you think it's right. Have you tried to work on the marriage to get it to where you're happy? Do you think your husband is capable of making you happy? Why are you no longer happy in your marriage?
Perhaps your marriage is not right for you, but you need to decide if you've given it your full effort or if you've been waiting to be swept off your feet again. Connections like you describe are impossible to ignore, and can be very real, but if you want it to last, it needs to be done in the proper order as well.
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