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*avid_usa_col
writes: Hello, I asked a question a few days ago and did not get any responses. I now come for advice and hopeufully people will answer this time.My EX broke up with me a month and a week ago. We were together for almost 2 years. I still love her with all my heart but she says she doesn't feel the same way for me. She said that is just not right. Whatever that means.....Well we went for a run just a week ago, I asked her if I could go with her. We talked about ramdom stuff. At a moment I could not stop myself and I kissed her. She kissed me back but not as emotional. She said it would make it harder not to kiss me again. Well that evening we had dinner and walked around and talked (Not about us). She told me how bad she felt for they way she was making me feel and how she hated seeing me hurt (She cried). After dropping me off, we kissed again and I told her how much I loved her and how much it hurt me that she didn't feel the same way. She said "You will always be in my heart".Well, I called her one day and she said she had been out with friend and got drunk. She also said to me she had dream about me....she didn't remember the dream. She said is been hard on her this past days since she feel alone and that she has to call people all the time to feel better.I asked her to have lunch with me this Friday. I don't know what to say to her. I feel like I need to tell her that I can't be friends at this time. I do not want to know about her going out, getting drunk, or dating other people and if we stay as friends this eventually will come up. On the other had I don't want to lose her. I want to be around when she needs me and I feel if I don't talk to her she won't come back to me if it ever happens. I love this girls so much...You don't even understand. Also, I feel like I wasted my time. I treat all girls that I care for so good, is not fair. I gave her roses every month while together, I gave my entire life to her, I got her super expensive presents, never yelled to her, and always treated her like a Queen. I basically devoted myself to her.So the question is basically what should I tell her when we meet Friday?? Also, her birthday is coming up nest week, what should I do?? Call her or no? Text her or no?? what to say if I call her or text her???Thanks a lot, and hopefully some people will answer this time around.
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reader, jo_betty_smith  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 I think the best thing to do would be to tell her that you find it too difficult to see her as a friend, but don't go completely cold on her. Let her know that if she needs a friend she can get in touch with you and you'll be there for her and that way you don't feel like you're being too cruel, but just explain that at the moment you find it easier if you're not seeing her regularly.
It could be a good idea to arrange a date in a month or two's time when you'll meet up again, so you don't feel too despondant because you know that you will at least be seeing her again. In the meantime, you can keep yourself as busy as possible doing as much as you can possibly fit in with as many friends as you can find.
If you don't see her for a while, she might realise that she misses you and wants to be with you again. Or she might just realise that she made the right decision. The latter will obviously be painful to deal with, but by the time you've realised that she's definitely not coming back to you, enough time will have passed and you'll have kept yourself busy enough that invariably you'll have moved on from her and got over her at least a bit, so that a definite breakup won't be nearly as painful to deal with as it must be at the moment.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006): Back off the girl and let her begin to feel some of the emotion that you are feeling...forget worrrying about her bday and walk away for a while.......quite frnakly you are doing all thew feeling work and your ex gf is not having to do any...The more emoting you do the less she has to.
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reader, david_usa_col +, writes (14 April 2006):
david_usa_col is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies.....I am really nervous about tomorrow because I'm going to see her. I decided that the best thing to tell her is that I can't be friends for now even though it hurts me.
She called me today to see at what time we were meeting tomorrow, I asked her how she was since the last time she told me she felt weird, she said she wasn't feeling so good, I asked why and she said she didn't know. She also told me that the place we used to live is not the same, that is not "our place" anymore since she has new roomates now. She said that she felt that it was only her room and that's all, not the place we had together anymore. She told me she went out yesterday and got drunk and drove back home like that. I told her that she shouldn't do that, when we were together she always told me not to drink and drive, sometimes I stayed at friends or asked her to pick me up. She said that I was right that she shouldn't of driven. It makes me sad that now that she is single she goes out a lot but while sometimes when I asked her to come out with me while together she was tired and didn't want to.
Well I hope evrything goes well tomorrow, hope to get more feed back on what you guys think I should say and about the lastest happenigs. Thanks a lot for the support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2006): Pepper, you know, you're completely right. My weak point was this: in my other relationships, I was kind of like a umm, okay, I wasn't caring enough. It 'worked' of course. However, for this one, I don't know why, but I was so 'attached' to her. Afterwards, I thought about back in the day when I didn't give a hoot about anything and everyone. It was so much easier and way less painful...
[sigh]
I think I need time to do my own stuff - to rebuild my integrity and re-fortify my principles. Sorry for hi-jacking your thread David...
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reader, david_usa_col +, writes (13 April 2006):
david_usa_col is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell in my case the EX wasvery respectfull and kind. She is all I want in a woman, she is a sweetheart, is wonderful, a good girl, treated me right, just the best person I've meet so far in my life.
To martini, I did give in all my emotions to her not only material things. She and I shared everything, all the time that I had free I gave it to her and showed her my love and devotion. She showed me so much love too. I wish that before breaking up she would of given me a hint or tell me tht something was wrong, but no she just told me straight up. I told her that when people start falling out of love they do not act as she was acting before the break up. She was the sweetest, did things for me that only a girlfriend would do for her man, I wished she would of stop doing some of those things while she was thinking of breaing up, or at least not showed me all the love that she did. We lived together and I decided to moved out because I didn't think it was going to work.
I am very nervous of seeing her friday, a part of me wishes that she would finally give in and take me back and the other part just wants to tell her that i don't want to see her again.
Thanks for the feedback... hopefully i'll get more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2006): The thing is I just noticed the difference between you and I, is that she and I spent about the same amount on each other in terms of superficial things - gifts, etc. It's not about the gifts man. That's all fine and dandy, but without gifts, what do you have? Lust?
At the very least, I got some love from her, and some consideration, and SOME respect initially. She treated me like shit, cuz her heart didn't feel she wanted to. She tried to treat me better because she thought she should. Of course, love should be driven by the heart primarily. In this case, her love for me was not there... It was there to begin, but I screwed up somewhere, and it got me into this mess. Then again, I allowed this mess to happen, because I stayed with her for so long, despite all the warnings.
I understand completely, but the biggest difference was that I put mainly emotion and action into it, rather than expense and gifts. When she was wrong, I scolded her. When she mistreated me, I yelled at her. When she did something (not related to me) that was questionable, I would put her in her place. Mind you, I did it so damn calmly, that she felt I was spoiling her.
[sigh]
Right now, it's been 3.5 weeks since we broke up, and almost 3 weeks since I last saw her. We had a last intimate moment 3 weeks ago...
YOU have NO IDEA! NO IDEA! And I could laugh about it, and laugh at myself. It's tough. It's really tough, but then I think about a lot of other people here on DC and their even worst problems, and I try to think that mine is small fry comparitively. Of course, problems are relative to the person and not to everyone.
You have no idea how much it hurts and how much I want her back, but I know better. I just have to move on, and with a long long time, try to heal myself, OR not be closed to another possible relationship, to whom someone might actually care and love me back as much or more...
I don't know. I'm just hurting... I go to DC every day, try to exert some laughter and some sarcasm, and naughtiness with Smeedle, but at the end of the day, at night, I'm at home, and I can't help but load up videos and pictures of her. My sweet sweet meow meow... [sad]
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2006): Alright, how about a little something... A queen eh? Then I must have treat my ex like Empress of the Universe... Hahaha...
[ahem] Sorry.
I usually keep my problems to myself, and try to solve them with the person whom the problem coincides. Unfortunately, this can't always be the case.
Now I know you're not going to 'listen' to me, but I'll say it anyway. I'll keep my story super super short, to save the other aunts and uncles the sight for sore eyes again.
So I met a girl mid 2004, became intimately involved with her later that year. First two months were SUPER AWESOME. Then her mom went to hospital botched surgery. All her energy was on her mom. Her emotions dwindled for me. I was taking care of her mom 3 or 4 days (5 to 7 hours per day) per week. We broke up in April 05, saw each other, etc in May, got back together in June. She was hot and cold towards me until August. We broke up. Hung out, etc, and somehow got back together again in Oct. From Oct to Jan 06, things were great. Something happened again, her emotions dwindled. Tried breaking up twice, and finally 'succeeded' in March 2006.
Now throughout this entire time, I spent 90% of my free time with her. This isn't time to smother her. This is time to pick her from class, from work, take her to docs, to go massage her, watch her play vball, do stuff, cater to her comfort and health. Basically, it took away most of my energy.
NONE of my friends and family full supported her, but she was my girlfriend, so they acknowledged her. HOWEVER, throughout most of our 15 month rendezvous, she was mainly disrespectful towards me. Made me super depressed, etc, etc, etc.
We broke up, and less than a week later, she started fucking another guy. SUPER heart-broken. I wanted to grow old together with her, hold her hands into the future, etc, etc. You say you gave your ex roses, etc, etc? Well, geez, I gave her massages 4 to 5 times a week, and lied that my body was totally fine to give them!
I say I gave her 90%, and she gave me about 10%. That was how bad it was.
YES, I still love that bitch. I don't know why. I miss her fucking loads. I watch videos and load up pictures of her. She is so damn sweet. So beautiful. So fuzzy. BUT, she is a slut. Everyone says I deserve better, and I'm sure I do, and I hope to fudging whatever deity out there that karma hit her like a tsunami! BUT you know what? I still love her. I really really really miss her.
Call her? I WANT TO! BUT NO! TEXT HER?!?!?! HAHA, HELL NO! EMAIL HER?!?!? SHIT, I did email her last night, but it was my last one for sure. That's it... I just gotta let her go. NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT FRIGGIN HURTS!
Been working out again, cycling again, rebuilding my network, career-structure, etc, etc. It doesn't work completely, but it's something. Understand?
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