A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:Everyone has always told me that I'm too sensitive and what my brother does is normal sibling behavior. I can be oversensitive, but I'm really weary when my brother comes to visit. Its almost like he has 2 personalities, a nice one and a mean one. A lot of times I don't know which one will come out. He tells me mean things (not jokingly): has told me I'm fat, stupid, ugly etc. He drove me to tears because I used his toothpaste, the insults he hurled at me were very painful, this happened years ago, but I am terrified of what he can say next. This isn't the only incident. It pisses me off how people tell me its "normal". He can be super nice, but I'm afraid of his nasty side. Do I need to grow a ticker skin? Cutting him out of my life is not an option and thankfully he lives far away. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 August 2018):
 If everyone tells you that you are too sensitive then maybe you are, but that is who you are at the end of the day and you cannot help it! My brother has called me fat, stupid, ugly ect. I have called him the same back! However we love each other and will always look out for each other! It is what we have always done so it is the norm for us. In a lot of cases I would imagine it is the norm for siblings. You grow up together and being mean to each other was always part of who we where but we also knew we could turn to each other if we needed one another. Even to this day my parents give out to him for some of the comments he says to me as I am more sensitive than he would be, but I laugh it off he is my brother and that is the way it always has been. If it was a stranger then I would be deeply offended. He drove you to tears over toothpaste? What kind of insults? Honestly to me it does sound like a pretty normal brother sister relationship! But if you are very sensitive then maybe try talking to him about it?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2018): He's what you call a nice-nasty! He's sweet most of the time; and can be very charming. Then the devil comes out1 His head spins around, horns appear, and he projectile vomits pea soup!
This is what you two grew-up on. He knows you're "tender-hearted and thin-skinned;" so he plucks-off your little wings!
Unless you're telling us he is emotionally/psychologically abusive; or you suspect he suffers from a mental-illness, I think you should just grow a thicker-skin. Demand he be on his best behavior when under your roof! Kick him out of your house. When he comes to visit, inform him at the door that you're not tolerating his abuse. The minute he starts, put him out!
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (14 August 2018):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has said all this in our adult years.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2018): He said something two years ago, and it still bothers you?
Oh yes, you're too sensitive!
If we're living on the same planet; you can run into strangers who are going to be absolutely rude, and say awful things. So how do you get by in the day-to-day world?
He's your brother. He has been teasing you all of your life. Most sisters grow an immunity to it; and develop their own arsenal of weapons to fightback. He clearly gets a rise out of your overreactions! People tend to pick-on the exceptionally timid. Sometimes it happens without even trying. Try giving him a blank frozen-faced stare, minus the tears; if you want to take the wind out of his sails.
You want to turn this around. Push his buttons and have a comeback when he says something mean. Better yet, laugh it off! Roll your eyes, and tell him how much of a child he still is! How upset can someone get over a tube of tooth paste? Just the fact you're still upset two years later is a clear indication that it doesn't take much to bring you to tears.
Don't take everything he says to heart. Learn to stand-up to his bullying. You say he's nice. I've never known anyone nice all the time. Not even you can claim to be a total angel; and have never said anything to hurt someone's feelings. You don't mention his age. He seems like a younger brother.
Are you fat, stupid, or ugly? Are you both five?
It's typical of brothers to tease their sisters. You're implying it rises to the level of abuse. It's hard to judge abnormal or otherwise; because you seem to have a very soft shell.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2018):
 I think for SOME sibling it's kind of the norm.
My brother and I fought like cats and dogs as kids, but we were also thick as thieves. When I was bullied at school HE beat a couple of them up. When a girl who was crushing on him spread lies and rumors about him I shut her down, publicly humiliated her in front of her friends. So while we fought, we also had each other's backs.
BUT he NEVER called me stupid or ugly or anything bad. I never called him named either. Nor have I ever been scared of him.
So I think it comes down to the siblings. Some are good to each other, some are not. Some are mostly good to each others and... some are not. ETC.
If this was years ago, you need to let it go. You can't drag that around with you. It will weigh you down and do nothing GOOD for you or your relationship with your brother.
If he (in the present) gets nasty with you, use humor to deflect, tell him he ought to grow up. And don't show that he has this power over you. If you don't know what to say just shake your head and roll you eyes.
If he was/is a bully - then the LAST thing you need to do is cry or get upset. At least in front of him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 August 2018):
 If this all happened "years ago", were you both still children at the time? If so, then I would agree that this sort of behaviour IS normal when we are talking about children. It is NOT normal if we are talking about adults.
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