A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a job which I'm not enjoying and parents who flip out at me, I suffer with depression and find that when I'm backed into a corner, I lose my anger and have to defend myself, ive been in trouble with the law, had partners who have cheated on me and have been ones not to be trusted and a gambling issue.I fell out with my boss and assistant this week as they were doing my head in and ordering me around as though I was their slave. I also gambled on the horses and lost a hundred dollars when my dad found out he hit the roof and as my mom was shouting very loudly, he came down stairs and started shouting at me. he said if I was to gamble on the machines or I was to bet on horses, he would lose it and not only embarass me in front of everyone, he would make sure everyone knew and would shout it from the roof tops. Is he bluffing or does he mean it?
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cheated on me, gambling, my boss Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2017): I'm not exactly, I'm sure their are people who are in a similar situation, I know what you're saying though.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 You sound like a child who has had their toys taken away by mummy and daddy. IF you don't want to follow their rules then get another apartment. Dad probably did mean what he says. If you have depression then get help for it. Stop wallowing on what has happened and start planning the future.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2017): I was in rented accomodation, but the landlord wasn't nice and kept ripping me off and I moved back to my parents as the cheaper option. and to top it all off ive been accused of lying, my bank book taken off me, no access to cash, being told different answers when I'd get it back, I feel complete on my own and powerless all because of one silly mistake, by the rate it is going I won't get my book back by the time I'm a pensioner, yet my brother plows cash into a machine like no tomorrow and my parents don't lecture him about it.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (27 September 2017):
Your father shouting from the roof tops about your gambling problem seems the least of your worries. Did your father mean it maybe he did so what?
You need to concentrate on getting help for the myriad psychological issues you listed. Gambling depression anger and trust issues. If you're not seeing a therapist call your county mental health agency and ask them about resources in your area that you can use.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (27 September 2017):
 First off let me say that I understand what you're going through from all angles. Not the breaking the law part but I get you.
My advice is stop acting out because of your depression and all that you've been through and are going through. You have to find a way to function without drawing attention to yourself or you will come off as a real psycho even though you're going through some stuff.
The absolute best way to deal with depression if you're very far gone is to go to speak to your doctor about what are your best options in terms of an anti-depressant and counselling because trust me, you need it. At least some medication will help mellow you out and some counselling will help you work through your emotional, psychological and mental issues.
You have to understand that people who do not suffer from chronic depression do not know what it's like and the chances of them ever knowing are very slim so I'm sure you can understand what a problem you look like from those outside looking in i.e your dad. There are ways to get him to see that you need help. You can call an intervention for yourself with trusted friends and family or a pastor if you have one. Just as long as it's some people that you trust, it can be done. It will be a positive step towards showing that you acknowledge your flaws and are willing to change.
Some other things you can do are joining a gym or starting a morning run routine, reading some books that provide enlightenment and zen. You have to create a balance in your life.
On the job front, oh my word I feel you. I'm currently at a company where I'm being treated the exact same way that you are being treated and I've made up my mind that I'm going to resign soon. I've already been looking for other jobs and I've been attending interviews so far. My advice to you is that you do the same or trust me you will lose your mind. You need to start applying for jobs that match your level of expertise so that you can get a job somewhere where you're comfortable enough to want to wake up and go into everyday or you will slip further into your depressive state.
With that being said, you also cannot kick off with your boss. It looks really unprofessional and really bad overall even though you may be the one that's right in the situation. You should just walk away from situations like that, that will vex you, it isn 't worth it. The only time anything should be said is when you're handing in your resignation and they pry. Apart from that try not to lose it with bosses and assistants or you won't get good references if you apply for other jobs.
With regards to your dad, you have to understand where he's coming from. You seem incredibly out of control and difficult to manage at the moment and you must understand why he's had it up to the crown of his head with you. If what I'm saying seems harsh then just for a second put yourself in his shoes, what would you do? Probably the exact same thing. When the soppy love method doesn't work then it has to be time for some tough love in the hopes that it would be tough enough to scare you straight.
Now to answer your question, yes your dad sounds like he really will do it. I don't blame him though because it's a lot to deal with from his perspective as well and maybe he feels it's the only way to deal with you now.
Before things get any worse and you lead yourself further into hell, take some of the tips that you have received here and try them. They have worked for others and they may work for you too if you give it a try.
Please do update us on how you're doing if you decide to try it out.
Good luck OP.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (27 September 2017):
 Your main worry is whether your dad is going to embarrass you by "outing" you about your gambling problem?
Do you not think you have more important things to think about, like getting help to control your temper? Also getting help in being assertive and sticking up for yourself without losing your temper? If you think your work colleagues are being unfair to you, it is quite in order to take them to one side and discuss the matter in a civilised adult way and tell them you think they are out of order, rather than spitting out your dummy, like a toddler.
Your father is obviously at the end of his tether with you and doesn't know what else to do to try to help you sort yourself out. While this way of doing it may not be ideal, it is all he can think of which may bring you to your senses. I suspect he does mean it and may very well do it. Your gambling problem is another thing you need to get help with.
You are an adult (late 20s from your profile). It is time to take control of your life, which means sorting out any issues you have (like your temper, like your gambling) and stop sounding like a victim. You are not a victim. You have simply never learned to handle conflict without losing your temper, and you have a gambling issue. There is help available. Get it and live a better life going forward.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2017):
 He probably means it. He thinks this is the ONLY way he can help you.
Why are you still living at home?
If you suffer from depression are you getting help from that?
If you have anger issues to a point where you have been in legal trouble why haven't you sought help for it?
And if you are miserable in your job maybe it's time to look for another. Keep the old job till you have a new one.
Gambling is an addiction. It might start out small but it can end up costing so much more than you can afford. Do you gamble to make yourself feel better? Does it give you that little "zing"? If it does maybe you also need it look into dealing with it before it gets out of hand.
Now if you can CONTROL it and AFFORD it, it's not such a big deal but some of us have addictive personalities (I know I do, up to a point - I rarely gamble and have a set amount going in that I can't change. But I know how GOOD it feels when you win. THAT is addictive). Thus I don't drink, I don't gamble, I don't try drugs - I prefer being in control versus being "controlled" by chasing a high - so to speak).
If you CAN NOT control it or afford it, you need to NOT do it. I know it sounds simple but it takes work and effort only YOU can do.
YOU need to work on yourself, OP
You are in your late 20's so this irresponsible and childish behavior is not going to be accepted not at home and not at the workplace. I seriously doubt the "worked" you like a slave. I call BS on that. My guess is you don't have the best work ethics either. Again, something only YOU can work on.
I say, start with the anger management - then depression and throw in some exercise (it helps the mood and let you work out some of that pent up anger). For you, I'd suggest kickboxing and Yoga - a little kickass and some chill. If you can spend $100 on horses you can spend that on getting healthy...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2017): He meant it when he said it but it might not mean that he will actually go through with it; that's not entirely the same as bluffing. I think you should stop either way since it's not a healthy habit and in the end most people lose at gambling even when they win, except when its something small that wins very big like a lotto jackpot, but there are people who spend hundreds a year on them and never win their money back. Last year Americans spent a total of $70.15 billion on lottery tickets... Hope I helped.
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