A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm getting marrried in a few months and having some serious regrets about the way we've gone about things. We're having quite a fancy wedding with around 100 guests. I thought at the start that a big wedding was what i wanted but now I'm having second thoughts. I ummed and aahed over the guest list for ages and ended up inviting a bunch of people that don't really need to be there. people I don't know that well. Now I'm thinking that I don't really want any of it. I'd be quite happy to have a low key ceremony and a barbecue then put the rest of our money towards a holiday (which I desperately need).I suggested that to my partner back before we sent invitations and he laughed it off. I think he thought I was joking. I'm not sure now whether to tell him how I feel or not. I mean, invitations have already been sent. But then I don't really want to spend a heap of money on something that's not really what I want. Or do I just suck it up and do the big wedding anyway?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 Well you are going to upset 100 people if you decide to tell them now that they are not invited. I think it is a bit late to change your mind. Unless off course you call off the wedding completely.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2017): No, unless you are breaking off the engagement altogether you cannot "dis-invite" people!!! I have never heard of that being done, and I would definitely be really mad if someone did that to me.
I think you need to make the best of this and enjoy the decision you already made. Big weddings can be great fun, so find the positives.
P.S. many brides don't end up with their "ideal" day, with parents pushing for different tastes, guest list fights with the groom or again parents, venue problems, etc. What matters in the end is that you DO have the ideal man. You will deal with the debt later on, you are young and have years to pay it off ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2017): My neice recently changed all her plans for a big wedding after all the invites had been sent out. When I got the message (in writing) that due to change in circumstances the wedding plans were changed, initially it seemed shocking and so 'not done' but we all got over it and she had the small wedding she really wanted. All the 'uninvited' guests were invited to something else - like a dinner or drinks to celebrate on a later date. However, I also want to share that I wanted a small wedding but family took over a bit and we had twice as many people. On the day I was pleased we'd spent more and made it such a special wonderful day.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (27 September 2017):
 If you've already sent out invitations then you cannot tell people that you've changed your mind.
It should have been really thoroughly thought through in the beginning, that's partially what the engagement period is for; to figure out exactly what it is that you want.
I say, You have to go along with it now because it's too late to change your mind. Yeah it sucks and all that but you really do not have a choice at this point. You should just go out there and have a blast because I mean, you guys are paying for it after all. Just enjoy it when it comes and keep really sweet memories of the day as a reminder.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 September 2017):
 You suck it up and do the big wedding anyway; what else ?
Don't tell me that you are seriously considering dis-inviting people from your wedding once the invitations have already been sent ??
That would be outrageously rude and inconsiderate. Ridicolous, even. I don't think even some wacky rockstar could pull it off.
The only way you could pull it off is to cancel the wedding altogether - and then have it a few months later, on the down low, in a very private form, hoping that most people won't notice . If course you should have a decent official excuse, - health reasons or something- real or imaginary that it were.
But changing the " format " of the wedding AFTER inviting 100 people because you had an afterthought and thought you'd rather take a vacation ?...Only if you do not mind embarassing to death your husband, your in laws, your own parents, - and offending seriously people who hasn't done anything wrong to you.
As for the much needed vacation, actually there' s a way you can still get it. I don't know how it goes in your country, in mine it's becoming more and more fashionable having your wedding list at a travel agency, rathen than at a department store. So people can donate whatever sum they want toward buying you the honeymoon of your dreams, rather than a piece of silverware or an electric appliance.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (27 September 2017):
Are you having second thoughts about the marriage or the wedding? If you're having second thoughts about the marriage tell him now before it's too late. If you don't want the big wedding it's not too late to back out.
Tell him now and send out letters telling folks the wedding is cancelled. And then plan the wedding you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2017): You're having second-thoughts and getting cold-feet. That date is approaching, but it's too late after sending out invitations. That train has left the station. Unless you break the engagement!!! Money has been spent, places are are set; and the guests have planned their schedules to be present for your special day.
Sweetheart, I think you should shed your doubts. It's going to be a wonderful day for you. Guilt has crept in; and suddenly you decide to see the practical side of things. Your youth allows you to be so reckless and indecisive.
Better to go through with it than not; and regret later that you changed your mind. You don't put your parents, yourself, and your fiance through all this and want to bailout at the last minute. It's just the jitters sweetie!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2017):
 Yes, I think it's a little too late to do it your way. Have you talked to your mom? Your dad?
Who is paying for this shindig? How much is already paid out in rentals, deposits and other NON-refundable things?
If you want a little event - the in a couple of years have a renewal of vows in the backyard with a BBQ and friend/family.
Honestly, think about all the people you invited... are you ready to CALL every SINGLE one of them telling them, uh big wedding is off, you are no longer invited? If you are... then go for the smaller wedding.
Mean what you say and say what you mean. That also means STICK by your guns and don't agree to something (in the future) you don't really want to do.
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