A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need an honest answer from men who have been like this or know someone who has: He is 32 and immature. he cnat seem to hold on to a relationship longer than 2-3 months max. But I am the only one who has been the longest relationship. its been almost 2 years. But we are together for 3-5 months then break then get back together. I do love him and he does love me. But if you love someone, how can you do this? He cant possibly think it is normal?? I am afraid if I walk away that he will eventually commit to someone and be who he shouldhave been with me. What do I do? right now, we are in break mode from being together for 5 months.. can someone help and be sincere not disrepectful or judgemental. thanks!
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male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (22 August 2011):
By the way, I don't want to have an argument publicly, but I do want to explain myself and I don't want to leave you upset. I was going to PM you but you posted anonymous. You are more than welcome to PM to me. I really do care about you and the upset you are experiencing, and I am aware that sometimes when seeking advice you hear things that you don't want to hear. This is why you are angry. If you were capable of identifying everything in the problem, you would not have posted here. Is that a fair assumption? There is no insult in it at all. I never told you that you were doing anything wrong, but if you think I am wrong then it is another story. Even if my advice is mistaken, it is not a personal attack. Please accept my apologies.
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (22 August 2011):
You said:
"As for Kyle 007, I don't aPpreciate you saying that he won't commit to e or anyone else due to compatibility. I understand what you are saying but you0need not attack me by. Saying my problem is that I can't let it go?!"
It is obvious that you can't let it go if you are afraid to walk away as he is going to commit to someone that "should have been you".
How does "I am afraid to walk away" equate to you being able to let go?
I have to make SOME sort of evaluation of what you are doing to yourself over this and sort out what is the crux of the problem based on the facts you give me, otherwise I cannot advise you.
I said NOTHING bad about you. THAT would be judgmental. I made no attack. I address the problem.
And there is no sarcasm in what I said at all. You need to look sarcasm up in the dictionary before you use that word again, and I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think I may have just hit too close to home for you to be this upset. If you just thought I was wrong, a simple "no, I don't think that's it" would have sufficed.
I am being attacked by you, and I am trying to help you.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (22 August 2011):
Who cares about what looks childish as far as your number is concerned. But even if you change your number, he still has your address. Just have to tell him to stay away and make it stick.
His stepmom will understand that breaking the tie with him may mean breaking that tie too. It may slow him getting over you if you still associate with her. Have some compassion for the guy, OK?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Eddie85, the compatibility is not the problem as to why we break up. I believe its moreless him being scared of commitment. There are other factors that take place for which I am not at liberty to discuss. We do not fight, severely, we do have disagreements. Most of whixh is due to things not being on his timetable. And the fact that when we are not together, he thinks I'm cheating on him. I have figured out he is very insecure. I do know that love alone is not enough to keep a relationship viable.
As for Kyle 007, I don't aPpreciate you saying that he won't commit to e or anyone else due to compatibility. I understand what you are saying but you0need not attack me by. Saying my problem is that I can't let it go?! For your info, he can't let it go, he continues to bug me and call if he senses I am ignoring him. Youi need to get all the facts before you start pointing fingers at who is the one that is unable to lwt go and move on. Next you respond, read the criteria, it said for honest and NON-JUDGEMENTAL. LEAVE THE SARCASM for another post.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice, as I have made my decision, I believe I knew what it was just couldn't come to terms. I had hope and faith in him just wasn't feasible. I have wasted more than enough time. Cutting all ties even with his stepmom? She is a great friend of mine and has advised against taking him back several other times. But would it look childish in changing my # for a clean break?
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (22 August 2011):
 I think you missed the real question here. The real question here is why do you still want to be with an immature guy who keeps breaking up with you?
While it sounds like you have invested serious time into him (2 years -- even off and on is significant), let's face it, you aren't getting any younger and the number of available men without significant baggage are declining. Why do you want to invest further time into a guy who as you describe is immature and probably has commitment issues?
I know it is hard to hear, especially when you look at the time involvement and the fact that you love him, but at this point, I think you know in your heart whether or not this relationship has a good chance of surviving for the long term. And even if you did somehow get an engagement ring on your finger, would you really be able to know he is going to stick around for the long haul?
I think you also need to examine whether you are truly compatible. Sure, couples have arguments and fights, but if they are severe enough to warrant breaking-up -- even temporarily, you have to question whether you are really meant to be with one another. While you don't tell us what your break-ups were about, it is definitely food for though.
Finally, if the only thing holding you together is your fear that he'll find someone else then you are cheating yourself. Because you are trying to hold onto something that is wrong for him -- and worse, for you. It sounds like you have some serious thinking to do and only you can come up with answers on whether or not you want to invest 2 more years into this man.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 August 2011):
You wrote:
"I am afraid if I walk away that he will eventually commit to someone and be who he shouldhave been with me."
Obviously if this guy ever commits it will not be with you. The track record has proven this.
I doubt that his next girlfriend, or any of the next 4 or 5 girlfriends will be the one he commits to.
If he does commit to another woman, it is because he is more compatible with them than he was with you. And you have to accept that.
This man makes you unhappy. Cut ALL ties with him. Don't even ask others about his life.
Sometimes you DO have to burn bridges behind you in order to keep the enemy troops from pursuing you.
You already have a one-sided "commitment" to him that you just won't let him go. This is very very bad for you.
Its not like he has a timer in his head that will make him a committed person 2 months from now or something like that.
The above quoted line from your question is undoubtedly the biggest lie you are telling yourself about this situation. Seeing the truth of the matter will be the beginning of your getting over this whole thing.
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