A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So basically, there's this boy, J, I was kinda/sorta seeing. I had a crush on him initially, and we just used to talk a lot, really freely. We went out for a few days before I decided it wouldn't work (my mother hates him) and broke it off. Even so, we decided to see each other casually while looking for other people. That was the decision, but even so, we still acted something like a couple. Since then, we've hooked up at a party and we've kissed a couple times, and that's pretty much it.Until Friday.On the other hand, there's also this guy, S, I've fallen head over heels for. I've known him for about three years now (J I've known since Sept.) and lately we've been talking more than usual. Most of it is flirtatious joking around I-want-your-body stuff and generally we have a good time just talking and hanging out.So Friday, I invited J over to my apartment to chill. Unfortunately, chilling turned into making out turned into oral sex. Apparently, it was his first time (not mine) and I feel absolutely awful for doing this. It constitutes as leading him on, right? I feel absolutely horrible for this.That Saturday, S asked me out on a date. I said yes.I told J what happened and now he's fallen into something akin to the pits of despair. I've never felt so worthless and horrible in my entire life. I know there's no way I can make it up to him, but I really need to move on from someone who I have no chance of creating a future with (I could never, ever betray my mother; she is always right about the boys I see, and I love her more than any man I'll ever meet). S has no idea about J and me. What should I do to make things right? Did I do the right thing?
View related questions:
crush, flirt, move on, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (8 April 2007):
 You certainly didn't do the right thing giving "J" oral sex and leading him on, getting his hopes up, that was a bit cruel. No one has ever did that to him before, it was his first time so he obviously will hold a torch for you. You need to be clear to "J" now. Tell him you like him as a friend but you know you could never have a future with him apart from being friends. Let him know that maybe you and "S" won't work out but it still won't change the way you feel about "J". Then you have to STICK by that decision and keep the relationship platonic at all times. If you do make out with him again or go further then you'll confuse him even more and he doesn't deserve that.
Say to him if he's angry and doesn't want to be your friend after what happened then you'll understand, then wait to see what he says. It might be a good idea to give him some space after that to sort his head out. In future, if you KNOW that it's going nowhere then don't play with people's emotions like that, it's cruel and selfish and I'm sure you'd hate it done to you.
Good luck regarding your chat with him, I hope it goes okay.
Eve
|
